(Closed) “And Guest . . . ?”

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2005

Isn’t etiquette a headache? If this were me, I’d just call. I’ve heard of people getting offended by receiving an invitation for "and guest" when they thought the couple knew they were in a long-term relationship. If you’re not comfortable doing it, maybe ask one of your bridal party or parents. That way they can ask if so and so would like to go to the wedding and if yes, say "and how do you spell that last name?", so it doesn’t seem like you’ve completely forgotten.

Post # 4
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2005

Oh, I forgot to add that if it’s family members like cousins, you can always ask their parents.

Post # 5
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

You could also ask a mutual friend if they are still dating so-and-so.

Post # 6
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

I’m giving all guests an "and guest" for this reason. I don’t know if some cousins are dating anyone, and I don’t think it’s up to me to judge how serious relationships are for those who are in one!

Post # 7
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I’ve read that you should never write "and guest" on an invitation and that you should always find out the person’s name.  It’s just nice, and it closes the door to the unknown people that tend to show up (i.e.- "guest" could mean random date when you thought you were inviting a serious gf/bf).  Maybe I’m mean, but I don’t think its appropriate to bring a casual date to a wedding.

Post # 8
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

i agree with katiethelady! we tasked our moms, my Maid/Matron of Honor and the Bridesmaid or Best Man to find out who had "serious" significant others. the only person who i’m writing "and guest" on is my boss’s invite (she’s not married but not dating anyone either, but i don’t want her to feel alone).

Post # 9
Member
212 posts
Helper bee

i am doing "and guest"… especially for ppl my age (20s).  it’s just easier that way and i don’t think people will take offense to it.  on the rsvp card, I am having them write down the name of their "guest" so I can properly make place cards for them. 

Post # 10
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

We had the same issue for our save-the-dates! We’re doing plus ones for everyone, but took the trouble to write the names of significant others who were in long-term relationships. I think our friends really appreciated it! We recently got an invitation from FI’s friend and it said ‘and guest’…i was so offended! Especially since I had met them both several times and we have been engaged since July! Anyway, I think it’s a nice touch if you can include names, but you don’t have to.

Post # 11
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

We are not doing any "and guest!"  Our guest list is at about 160, and so we actually do know the names of our guests significant others.  For the few guests who are not in a serious relationship at the moment, we are going to check personally with them before we send invitations to see if there is someone we should include… by name.  (We also don’t think random dates are appropriate or necessary – as all our friends know at least some of our friends and family, so its not like anybody should require a security blanket to get them through the evening.)

Post # 12
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I’m also with KatietheLady…take the time to find out all "and guest" names…its both nice for your guests AND you…wouldnt you like to know the names of the people that are going to attend your wedding?

I also agree with Suzanno in that I dont think RANDOM and guests are appropriate…I didnt want MOST people to have a "random" and guest (as in, a person that they just invite on a whim because they were alloted a guest)…by asking your guests who their "and guest" will be ahead of time, you will know INSTANTLY whether they are dating someone currently.  If they are not, and they say that they dont know, then you can feel a little more at ease by not allowing them a guest.  My only exceptions to this rule were my FI’s single uncles and aunts who are flying 3000 miles to come to the wedding…I wanted to make sure that they didnt travel alone if they didnt want to, so I gave them an "and guest" knowing full well that they arent currently dating anyone. 

Post # 13
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2005

Oh, and this will also be handy knowledge if you do a seating chart, when you greet them at the wedding, and when you do your thank yous.

Post # 14
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I have always felt better about attending weddings with the Fiance where I have been invited by name instead of as ad "and guest". We are also only inviting people who we know by name and not inviting any random +1s. My only exceptions are the members of my bridal party. We hope to have 150 people total and the lack of random +1s ensures that I can invite more people that I actually know well and want to attend. However, if you have the budget, I have always read that it is a courtesy to invite every guest +1..

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