Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 1/2 years. We moved in together after 5 months and even moved provinces with him after being together for only 2 year . We would always mention marriage and kids. Last 3 years mentioning it more seriously , saying stuff like “when we get married blah blah blah or I can’t wait to have Kids and do this or that”. He’s even gone online and made me show him rings I like.
Now two summers ago a bunch of my friends got pregnant and I asked him when we were going to make the next step in our relationship and he just shrugged and I can’t even remember what he said but I know it was along the lines of “we need to get our shit together ” which I thought we had. We both have great careers and money in the bank . I told him I couldn’t wait another 2 years and he insured me that lots can happen in 2 years so don’t worry.
Well like I said this was two years ago . and still nothing. He tells me he’s saving for a ring because the one he wants to get me is like $4000(I told him not to buy me an expensive ring and I would be happy with anything) but he insist on buying the best.
So my problem is the fact that for the past two years he’s been telling me he’s trying to save for this ring, but now I feel like he’s just saying that to humor me and make me stop asking about it the reason why I think this is because he went out and bought a $1500 riffle with another $2000 worth of shit for it (sorry I don’t know anything about guns ) So now I can’t stop thinking that he obviously doesn’t want to make the next step with m . He always tells me if I want something bad then no amount of money should stop me. Well he proved that when he went out and bought a $3500 riffle with no time to save he just wanted it and bought it.
So am I being crazy here ? Does him spending a tonne of money on a riffle after telling me for the past 2 years he doesn’t have the money for a ring ? I just feel so confused and don’t want to give him an ultimatum because he’s the type of guy who would just say “scree you then’ (he takes everything so personally )
Post # 2
He doesn’t want to marry you. Move on.
Post # 3
I don’t think he’s focused on marriage. I think maybe you need a break from one another to let him figure out what he wants.
Post # 4
Have you had any marriage talks in the last two years? How old is he/you? I only ask because he says you two have to get your shit together first. I know you said you have good careers and everything but maybe that’s not what he means. Maybe he still just doesn’t feel ready or mature enough to take that next step, regardless of money or jobs.
Post # 5
his actions spoke for him. Believe him. You deserve better.
Post # 6
Talk to him and the way you feel, if you get nowhere, tell HIM screw you and your rifle.
Id be pissed.
Post # 7
Sounds awful. He’s just not that into you. I’m so sorry, it must feel like shit. give him the ultimatum, see what he does.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey
Yep, that would piss me off. A rifle over being married to you? Pfftt….time to walk.
Post # 9
Talk is cheap. ANYONE can say “when we get married” or “I can’t wait to have kids with you”. It takes zero effort. What does take effort is carrying through on those words and proposing and starting a life together. Why waste more of your time on this guy? I doubt he is even looking for marriage. It is time to have a candid talk with him. Tell him your exact concerns. Tell him you’re not waiting for much longer, and then follow through on that. Give yourself a deadline in your head (say, 3 months), and if it hasn’t happened by then, it’s time to leave.
Post # 10
I would have a very blunt conversation with him. “You say you are saving for a ring, but you just spent nearly that amount on yourself. I am not telling you how to spend your money, but this makes me wonder if you’re serious about proposing to me soon. I would really like us to be engaged by the end of this year and I want to make sure we are on the same page.” This is not an ultimatum – this is you stating what you want and how you feel. His reaction should tell you everything. If he’s truly about to buy a ring, this shouldn’t phase him. If he hems and haws and gets defensive, he’s stringing you along and doesn’t intend to propose anytime soon.
Post # 11
Actions speak louder than words. I get the feeling he’s been telling you exactly what you wanted to hear for the last few years so you would stay with him, even though in reality getting married isn’t a priority for him. I’d be fucking PISSED at him if I was you!
I’d be having words, and I’d be SOOO tempted to pawn that rifle and ‘rifle shit’ and buy myself a ring… 😛 if you still want to be with him, that is.
Post # 12
Actions speak louder than words. He has been stringing you along with pretty words then buys a $3,500 rifle just like that, but have to “save” for a ring. I don’t buy it. Sounds like he doesn’t want to marry you.
Post # 13
I would have another honest conversation with him to ask him what he means by wanting you both to get your shit together. I’d also talk to him about whether he does want to marry you, but isn’t ready yet or if there is some other issue. If you can both be honest about what’s going on, there may still be hope for this relationship, but if he writes it off or can’t give you a convincing “yes I want to get married, but I’m scared/not ready/don’t want to spend my money on you/really wanted a rifle” then I would move on. If he does seem genuine, I would try to discuss a rough timeline with him and see if it’s something you can live with.
Post # 14
Move on. If he wanted to marry you, he wouldve done so by now. He would MOVE MOUNTAINS for you….Clearly, you are wasting your time.
Post # 15
This is why you don’t move in with people-there is no incentive. You’re a live-in companion, you probably do his laundry, dishes, cleaning…he has everything without a commitment, why on earth would he tie himself down when he has it so good? Why would I do all the things a wife does without any of the perks of being a wife? On top of that, you have done all this with the expectation that if you do it well enough you would be rewarded with a ring and marriage. I want someone who wants to marry ME, without a trial show of how well I would operate as a wife-how come no one gets this? I agree with previous posters and encourage you to not make the same mistake again-life is too short. Good luck!