- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
Obviously, this is not my normal posting name, but I’m a little too embarrassed to discuss this under my real one.
Basically, Fiance and I have been together for 2 and a half years now, and our sex life has never been…very active, I guess. For a while there, it was, if not all the time, at least a few times a week, and always after fights. I understand that gradually things taper off, but over time, it came to a stand still. Now, we are at the point where if we have sex, I HAVE to initiate it. In the past 6 months, he has initiated sex THREE times. Once because I had a complete breakdown over not feeling pretty enough, once because he was wasted, and once…I have no idea.
I know that living at my parents’ house is part of it, but it’s getting kind of ridiculous. I know he isn’t cheating because he is always here, helping out with my Dad, who is sick and prone to falling. I’m pregnant (and probably totally giving away my identity) and it’s really starting to take a toll. lately, his excuse is that he doesn’t want to hurt me or the baby, but this has been going on for longer than I have been pregnant.
I have tried lingerie. It doesn’t work. When we do have sex, it can take upwards of an hour to get him to the point that he even reacts. I have always felt like he doesn’t really find me attractive. When we started hanging out, even as just friends, he made it clear that he was done dating girls for their looks and wanted someone with an awesome personality. My personality is the only thing I’m not insecure about. His previous girlfriends have all been the sickeningly pretty kind, especially his ex that he dated off and on for years, who I have always felt threatened by, even though they haven’t spoken in three years.
When I’ve brought it up to him, he says he likes it better when I initiate, but I feel like that’s a cop out. Maybe I’m wrong, but if you want somebody, you don’t wait for them EVERY TIME. We can go weeks without ANY sort of sexual or really physical contact beyond a peck on the lips when I leave for work and when I go to bed.
I have brought up breaking off the engagement because of it, and he gets really upset and refuses. I even jokingly said we should just never have sex again, and he got angry at me for saying that. But, then, what’s the issue?
I feel completely useless and ugly. When I tell him that I feel ugly he gets angry and says he doesn’t know what else to do to make me feel beautiful or pretty. he gets mad at me for boiling all of the problems in our relationship down to my weight and/or my looks.
I can freely admit that some of my problems with drinking prior to getting pregnant had to do with this issue. I ended up in therapy because he said I needed to get over my self-hatred, and nothing really changed. I compare myself to everyone, constantly. I feel like I have to change something to make him interested, even though he says he doesn’t want me any other way.
I feel like I’m slamming my head off of a brick wall.