- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
Hi bees… just to give you a heads up, this is a long post…
So I never thought I’d be one of those brides having a Bridesmaid or Best Man drama, but I now find myself as one and it STINKS! I have 4 BMs — Maid/Matron of Honor, BM#1 and I have been friends since HS, and I talk to them on a daily basis. BM#2 and BM#3 are like BFFs with each other, I got to know BM#2 through BM#3 years ago and we’ve all been good friends since. BM#2 and I hang out once in a while but BM#3 moved far away last year and I don’t talk to her as often, so things aren’t quite the same but I still consider her as a good friend. All of my BMs have met and hung out couple of times together before I got engaged, so although they’re not friends, they know each other and are (or were) on good terms.
Before I get into details, I just wanted to lay out that I’m not a crazy brideszilla. I’m not trying to brag or give myself a pat on the back or anything, but I’ve been pretty easy going with my wedding planning and with those invovled in the wedding. I didn’t and still don’t have any expectations from my girls except to be there on my wedding day. I don’t ask for help with my DIY-everything (I’m doing all by myself), I didn’t put any restrictions on the hair, the makeup, or the shoes (I just told them to wear whatever black sandals they have). I had initially let my BMs pick out a dress they all liked and would be wearing again, as I’m buying the dresses for them as part of the Bridesmaid or Best Man gift package I was putting together (a personalized mesh beach bag for each of my BMs, flip flops from VS, and other goodies — bottled water, pack of gum, tissue, OPI nail polish, snacks), and brought it to South Beach to give out, where I had my bach party. My BMs have different tastes when it comes to dresses and couldn’t agree on one, so I ended up picking a dress which I thought would go along well with my theme and also something they can wear again to other formal events. I’ m grateful that my favorite girls were willing to be in my wedding and do not want to stress them out by being a crazy brideszilla, so I frequently ask my Maid/Matron of Honor and BM#1 how I’m doing and if whatever I feel about something is reasonable in their eyes so that I maintain my cool throughout the process. They don’t have a single ounce of problem telling me the naked truth (I appreciate constructive ciriticisms and I’m good at taking ’em in) and so far, they’ve been quite happy with me and told me that I’m not being a brideszilla.
That said, I’m so torn right now to say that BM#2, whom I thought would be the most supportive and caring one of the group, turned out to be the complete opposite of what I’d expected her to be. From the day of my engagement, her reactions to everything related to my wedding has been either blah or so freakin difficult. First, she asks me three times if “there a chance the wedding date can change” after I had already told her it’s set in stone AND she had already accepted to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man long ago (reason being she had another wedding she really wanted to go to although she’s NOT in the wedding, she told the bride she’ll be there as a guest. errr…..awkward??). Her responses to all the dress suggestions my Maid/Matron of Honor, other BMs and I had made were snotty while she didn’t come up with a single suggestion for alternatives. BM#1 and Maid/Matron of Honor were bummed with her inconsiderate comments, and I’m even more awkward as I feel like I’m in the middle and have to be a moderator or something. I also found out later on that she had been really difficult throughout the bach getaway planning process, that my Maid/Matron of Honor and BM#1 didn’t wanted to go on the trip because of her. BM#2 and BM#3 are like BFF’s, but BM#3 had been overall supportive and responsive throughout the process…so bascially she’s the only one causing a lot of stress.
I’ve been annoyed/frustrated/hurt by BM#2’s behavior for a while now (and yes, we did have a face-to-face talk after the date/dress issues, where she sounded like she understood my concerns and said she’ll try to be more supportive). Cut to the chase, we had a fall out on the last day of my bach trip and I blew up on her. I told her that she needs to quit pressing her ideas and agenda and just be a supportive Bridesmaid or Best Man for me, that I’m so done with her selfishness and can’t take it anymore. From seeting the date, to the dress, to the trip (we all wanted to go to Vegas but had to change because she didn’t wanna spend more than $X and also wanted the trip to fall within her schedule), she’s been headstrong about her ideas, as if SHE was the bride and everything we’re doing were to accomodate her. So you can imagine how awful the last night was for me (and probably her) and things are really awkward between us now.
I’m just really upset about this whole situation. I truly valued her as a good friend and I hate that our friendship is tarnished, I’m hurt by her being selfish and difficult throughout the whole process, but also mad/annoyed at her at the same time. I emailed her asking to meet up to talk, but we couldn’t agree on the time so I just asked if we can talk on the phone instead, when is the best time for me to call her? She hasn’t responded yet and it’s been almost a week. I’m stressed out as hell and I feel like she’s causing me more stress than anything esle during this engagement period. I’m scared she’ll cause more issues and would keep being difficult until the day of (I still have a bridal shower coming up, the rehearsal dinner and the actual event). Our friendship isn’t the way it used to be now, and I know for sure that if she causes any drama on my wedding day, I’d never be able to forgive her. I know that she’s not an evil person. She was a really sweet friend of mine…that’s why I’m more upset about this whole situation. The things she does and suggests we do is for my own good in her eyes, but it’s just not working out….
What should I do?? Any suggestions would be much appreciated. Sorry for the long post.