(Closed) And i thought people asking for an invitation was rude ….

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MrsC2014:  WOW… What a terrible situation! First of all.. She needs to get over and it and he needs to grow a pair…

I was maid of honor in a friend’s wedding and was paired up with the groom’s brother who had gotten married a few months before. All night, his wife GLARED at me. What made it worse was that the bride and groom insisted on their bridal party pairs dancing together during the first dance. 

Post # 49
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@MrsC2014:  That’s nuts.  Does she not understand how this sort of thing works in the US?  With my girls, they hung out with me all day, we got ready together, and they practically saw me naked when I got into my dress.  That’s not something one would do with an aquaintance.  Maybe explain that part of it to her?  If she’s in the bridal party, she’d have to spend her day with a (momentarily naked) almost stranger, but if she’s not, she gets to spend the whole day with her DH, other than the ceremony itself (and as a bridesmaid, she wouldn’t spend it with him anyway, since they’d be on opposite sides, and its not like they could talk or anything during the ceremony if he were sitting with her!).

I’m thinking this is a cultural issue.  She can’t be that crazy.  My mom isn’t from the US, and met my dad when he was abroad on military service.  They married there in a small informal ceremony, and then were going to do another ceremony in the US so his family could be a part of it.  When she found out all that was involved in US weddings, she promptly shut that idea down.

Post # 51
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Wow, crazy much?

OP- I could seriously see this wife telling her husband that he’s “not allowed” to be in the bridal party if she isn’t. Be prepared that you could end up with an uneven party!

Post # 54
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Completely out of control and quite comical. To counter her bat-shit-craziness I think you should offer her 2 Xanax pills and a bottle of water (or maybe a shot of vodka??) at least 30 mins before the ceremony starts. Just a thought…

Post # 55
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m not any sort of expert at all on Brazilian wedding customs but I did find this little snippet on Another Wedding Planning site:

In a traditional brazilian wedding they don’t have bridesmaids they have madrinas and padrinos. Each side of the bride and groom has typically four or five couples acting as the bridesmaid. Let’s say your uncle and aunt or your best friend and brother as one of the pairs. And the groom will do the same. You can have more or less pairs if you want”

From which you’ll see that there’s no need for the pairs of attendants to actually BE a couple. So I think you can probably discount the idea that if her husband is a Groomsmen then she has to be a bridesmaid.

But even if this is a Brazilian custom, it isn’t your custom. Your wedding is not in Brazil! So I think you need to stand your ground against this crazily jealous would-be bridesmaid. What I’d definitely avoid doing is making the excuse that there isn’t time to get a dress though. Because this assumes that you are totally cool in theory about her being a bridesmaid if only an outfit could be provided. In reality you don’t want her as a bridesmaid. Even if she could magically equip herself with the very dress that your bridesmaids are wearing. I fear that these convenient lies can have a nasty way of coming back to bite people so I’d stick to the truth. Your bridal party is finalised. There’s no way you can accommodate another bridesmaid who, with respect, you barely know.

it is for the Groomsmen to try and deal with his wife. Not you to provide him with convenient but untruthful excuses.

Post # 56
13614 posts
Honey Beekeeper

First, I would not make this about not being able to order a dress.  For all you know, if that’s her only obstacle she’ll ask to find and order it on her own.  Dresses can always be rush ordered. 

Second, if this is truly cultural and she feels that it is wrong for a man to escort a woman who is not his wife, then you have two choices. Either explain that attendants are not typically involved couples or perceived  in that way by anyone, reassure  that nothing aside from walking and standing will occur,  or allow him to step down and attend as a guest if his wife is going to be so uncomfortable with it.  

Is touching  the issue?  Maybe a compromise can be this Groomsmen won’t  hold the BMs arm down the aisle.

Post # 57
6518 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsC2014:  nope, thats extremly rude, and please do give us an update after your wedding,

Actually, I would like to know an update after the Groomsmen tells his wife that you said no, what is she gonna do? Tell the Groomsmen that he can’t be in the wedding party?!


Post # 58
6033 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

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@MrsC2014:  Im not sure what’s worse…. the fact that she is so jealous that she would request such a thing or the fact that he would even ask and take her seriously. I think they both have issues if she is willing to act so crazy and he is willing to take it. Sounds like a codependent match made in heaven… or hell depending on how you look at it.

Post # 59
5658 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow.. someone needs some therapy!

Post # 61
2466 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@MrsC2014:  wow thats a bit much…. Its funny because I actually had 2 of our Groomsmen gf’s kinda say something to me in passing like “ya it’s gonna be kinda weird seeing ____ walk down the aisle with another women….” and started asking me “who it would be” and asking things about them (the girls) I kinda thought huh? a) they are walking IN seperatly, its only the walking OUT part they will be paired up, and b) pretty much all my girls are married lol so….. not like any “funny business” is gonna happen?? LOL I had to laugh.

like really?

But I personally would never have thought twice about it. I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man while i’ve been with someone and I dont think either of us cared one bit….people are weird!!!

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