Post # 17
OH my goodness. This has happened to me twice now, once with a former coworker who I ran into at the grocery store and once with an old college friend who randomly called me up. Both times it completely caught me off guard and without even thinking I replied, “Of course!”
I felt so stupid, since we are having a family-and-very-close-friends-only wedding and I definitely didn’t plan on inviting these people. I still haven’t figured out how to handle this… I guess I’m kinda hoping they’ll forget? Bad, I know. 🙁
Post # 18
I agree with the other ladies. I always say. “Oh, we haven’t made our guest list yet.” or “We’re having a small wedding.”
I have one particularly obnoxious co-worker who has been badgering me for 3 months about it. I’m still 6 months from my wedding! In the end, I probably will invite her, but I was kind of annoyed by her approach. Her whole thing was “Oh, well I invited you to my baby shower.” Yeah… a baby shower that was in a friend living room and you served homemade cupcakes, not a wedding at a hotel where I’m going to spend $50 for you to eat steak.
Post # 19
i’ve totally had this EXACT incident at church!
it was with the old children’s pastor at my church (she knew we were engaged bcuz she’s the gossip queen) but the first time i went to church after our engagement she screams in the hallway “YOU BETTER INVITE ME TO YOUR WEDDING!”
i don’t think i will, ESP because she’s the one who had pulled me aside to “warn me” about “caucasian men” and their fidelity issues… when Fiance and i were dating and i had first brought him to my church…
UGH, the nerve of some people.
Post # 20
You don’t have to do or say anything – I’m officially against saying the foolproof suggestion by Chillmer:
I would just use the “unfortunately, we are having a small wedding and we are only able to invite this many people. I appreciate that you are thinking of us and want to celebrate with us” excuse.
Why do you even owe someone an excuse? Why put any energy into lying when she’s just being rude? I’d just quickly end the conversation and move on.
Post # 21
“caucasian men and their fidelity issues” ?????? lol that’s the first time I’ve ever heard that.
Post # 22
I hate it when people comment on the size of my ring. It’s not huge, but obviously bigger than average and I think it’s really tacky for people to grab my hand and put it next to their ring which is smaller. There is no good response to that, it’s like “Um, sorry? Maybe you could have saved more and bought something bigger?”
I haven’t had anyone invite themselves to my wedding though, that would be annoying especially if it was someone I wasn’t close with!
Post # 23
I too do the polite laugh and then quickly change the subject.
Post # 24
I’ve had a few people say that they’ll be watching their mail for an invitation, though luckily, I’d already been planning on inviting them (despite their obliviousness of etiquette norms). I don’t know what I’d do if someone I wasn’t going to invite said that though! I’d probably just smile and not say anything. Awkward!
And that ring situation is terrible! I can’t believe a grown woman would do that! I’ve gotten a few rude-ish comments on the size of my ring, but nothing that bad yet. The worst was actually my sister, who wasn’t at all interested in seeing it when I first saw her after we got engaged. Then, when I finally showed it to her, she just scornfully said, “it’s ginormous” and that was IT! Fiance and I were both taken aback by her rudeness. Even if she didn’t care about seeing it, she could’ve said something like, “oh, it’s pretty” or something. Her lame defense was that you’re supposed to tell the guy he bought a huge ring. Uh, okay?!?!
Post # 25
Wow. I can’t believe how many people say this. When she said that, I was so caught off guard. I think I got out a, “haha…ok”. I mean, I know her…but not well. I think she’s one of those people who feel like they know you way better than they really do and probably didn’t realize she was being a little rude.
And, I laughed when reading your comments on the ring comparison. Those are exactly my thoughts…um, sorry my ring is bigger than yours?? She even justified the size of her ring by saying, “That’s all he could afford at the time”. I would never have thought twice about the size of her ring or mine! I mean, we had been dating almost 6 years, so he’d had this planned forever! Wow. At least my fiance got a little boost of ego out of it!
Thanks for the advice, bees. I just love this board!
Post # 26
I actually had someone send me a message on Facebook asking me when she and her bf should arrive at the church. We didn’t invite them. I told her that she was more than welcome to come to the wedding, but our reception was at the max. We had too many family attending to invite all our friends (and I wouldn’t even have considered her a friend anymore).
She never replied. She hasn’t spoken to me sense. I’m completely ok with that because she hadn’t talked to me in months and then sent me that random message.
Post # 27
We had a small wedding (25 guests) and whenever someone would “demand” an invite in the same way that your church friend did, I would just say
“Actually we’re keeping it very small.”
If they follow up with the even ruder “How small?”
I’d just say some wiseass remark intended to let them know they were being rude but also sidestepping the fact that obviously I meant small enough NOT to invite them…”Oh, well, if you didn’t see Fiance or I naked in the bathtub as a baby, you’re not really invited!”
Follow up with a good laugh and walk away.
Post # 28
Two good options in the moment:
a) “oh we haven’t even started to plan yet”
b) silence, and then change the subject 🙂
Don’t worry about it. People get swept up in the moment when they talk about weddings and plans. If you wouldn’t have thought to invite her, chances are she won’t even know when your wedding is and will forget all about it. Good luck!
Post # 29
Yes! Both of my older female cousins got married in the past couple years. Their father and my aunt got divorced before I was even born, so I’ve only met him a couple times in my life. At the last wedding for my cousin, he and his current wife came over and congratulated us on our engagement and then said: “You’re going to invite us, right?”
2) Seriously? Who does that?
3) No, I’m not going to invite you to my wedding of 60 guests when I’ve only met you a couple times and you were a complete jerk to my aunt back in the day!
My fiance and I just nodded and laughed awkwardly. Thankfully that was in 2008 and we’re not getting married until this Fall, so I’m hoping he hasn’t been on the lookout for an invitation! lol
Post # 30
Hopefully since you just ran into her you won’t run into her again!
I think part of why this happens is that weddings used to cost a lot less (because people often didn’t do full meals and the like) and everyone from your neighborhood, church, etc. was invited. A lot of older folks still expect this to be the case.
I think if you weren’t planning to invite her, don’t…and if it comes up again, tell her you’re having a small wedding that is mostly family (or something along those lines).
Post # 31
I had one person hint at wanting an invite, but not actually directly ask for one, and my response was something to the effect of, “You wouldn’t believe how many people want to come to this thing! We’re trying to keep it small, but everyone seems to think they’re invited. It’s kind of crazy.” and then changed the subject.
Buuuuut I’m kind of rude sometimes.