And now I wait…

posted 1 month ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
8419 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

grnjuicejones :  

l think, OP, that now you feel more hopeful, and given he has said he has been thinking about it, you could do more than wait. In fact l think you could take him ring shopping. No need to have a portentous conversation about it, just breezily announce you have seen a couple of rings so come and look at them. I would not, in your position, go the long drawn out custom ring route. 
Then, just as lightly, start talking venue booking etc.

He will probably show the whites of his eyes ( my h does when l start plans for stuff) but sail on through. Of course if he is really reluctant, that’s different, but l actually feel quite optimistic for you. IF you take control, that is. 

ps lots of people on this site appear to have perfect, proactive, romantic, always- thoughtful men. Good for them. Some of us are flawed, with flawed partners . 

Post # 19
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee

grnjuicejones :  Don’t waste your life waiting for another 11 months. I hope you move on.

Post # 21
Hostess
3867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

grnjuicejones :  I’m sorry bee 🙁  I never got that from my D.H. when we spoke about our future together.  I don’t think it’s pressure to discuss what you *both* supposedly want.  

Post # 23
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

grnjuicejones :  Hey bee, it sounds like he’s not willing to abide by a timeline let alone even commit to the idea of offering marriage. One thing I learned with my ex is, he believed marriage was “just a piece of paper.” He didn’t define marriage the way I saw it: As a committed partnership.

It doesn’t sound as though you both are on the same page of what you expect from marriage, if marriage at all. It doesn’t take a man a entire day to recognize sunshine. You’re already two years in. If he’s feeling “pressure,” then he’s not interested in marriage. Because an eternal commitment such as marriage would delight him to be discussed with the woman he loves. Not PRESSURE him. 

Post # 25
Member
1191 posts
Bumble bee

grnjuicejones :  ughh this pisses me off so much. 
So you mentioning that you’d like to be engaged roughly a year from now is somehow been spun into you’re telling him when to propose? No no no no no. I don’t fucking think so.

You discussed wanting to be engaged about a year from now and he’s trying to accuse you of dictating your future? He has an entire freaking YEAR to decide “when it feels right” whatever the fuck that even means! You bringing up the discussion of your mutual future and trying to narrow down a more firm timeline with him is NOT dictating anything and it pisses me off that he’s trying to somehow spin this on you. All he had to do was counter with an alternative if he wasn’t happy with your timeline suggestion or propose sooner if he wanted to keep it a surprise. 
I think the fact that he’s using your rocky first year as a reason not to propose ALA the whole trust thing is an excuse because if it’s a reason for him not to propose and marry you, then it’s a reason to not be with you at all. And yet here he still is! It can’t be big enough of an issue for him to break up with you over it. Yet somehow it’s a good enough excuse not to propose. Yeah okay. 
Im so mad for you. I’d be so angry that I’d be done. I thought you were being generous even giving him another year!

Post # 26
Member
1191 posts
Bumble bee

And he IS holding you back- he’s standing in the way of you finding your husband! He SHOULD feel bad!

I would have told him that too. “You can’t handle having a discussion about our future after 2 years together at this point in our lives? Fine. Then GTFO of my way while I find the man who CAN!”

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