(Closed) …and now it’s my turn

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

1. I have only been to one appetizer only wedding. I was 3+ years ago and they had sliced roast beef, hams, gourmet breads for sandwiches, etc. It’s what i think of when i think of good appetizer food! Real food!

2. Oooo i love a spice or eggplant with black and white.

3. Don’t think time of day matters much!

4. If you aren’t having a reception, how are you doing appetizers? Food means reception, but regardless, you’ll still want to a register (not on the invite–add it to your website) because people will want to bring gifts anyways.

Welcome =]

Post # 4
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

1.  If you’re only serving appetizers, that’s fine, just don’t have your ceremony or reception at a meal time.  Think early afternoon (2 pm) or post dinner (8-9 pm)

2.  Black and white goes with anything!  I definitely like rich colors for the fall – eggplant, burnt orange, dark green.

3. Time of day only matters when considering how much to feed your guests, colors work at any time of day.  If you’re worried about it looking like a funeral, use less black, add more white and more accent color.

4. No matter what size the wedding, feel free to register.  Just don’t include registry information on the invite – that info is spread word of mouth only if your guests ask for it.

Post # 5
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Also, if you’re doing hors d’oeuvres only, make sure to note that somehow on the invite, so guests know not to expect a full meal.

Post # 6
1699 posts
Bumble bee

So first of all to calm down your anxiety, there really is no such thing as “wedding etiquette”. There is just good manners, and different levels of formality. Weddings are normally held to the most formal standards that your family practices, but they don’t have to be. They should follow the good manners that you would normally practice in the circles you move in.

That being said, when people get together for any sort of ceremony, they like to mingle and chat afterward, and it’s hospitable to serve them food and drink while they are mingling. It happens immediately following Citizenship hearings and AGM’s and school recitals and theatre performances, and from what I’ve noticed it happens at most churches and synagogues after the weekly service. And that is all a true old-fashioned “reception” really is: a stand-up afternoon mingling with light refreshments. It’s perfectly proper, and very traditional.

It is never correct to invite some guests to only part of an event, since it implies that they are second-class guests. But it is perfectly proper to have different guest lists for different events. Just treat your “family dinner on your wedding night” as a completely separate event from the wedding and reception, and you will be commiting no faux pas. The traditional name, by the way, for a ceremonial private meal following a wedding is the “wedding breakfast” (regardless of what time of day or night it takes place). This is because religiously observant people often fast before a sacrament, so when the couple sit down to dinner they are presumed to be “breaking their fast”.

Most black-and-white events involve evening dress: “tuxedo” jackets or evening jackets for the gentlemen and long gowns for the women. That wouldn’t be correct at a morning wedding no matter how formal the wedding. If people in your circle are accustomed to formal dressing they probably have appropriate formal day-time wear: morning coats or stroller jackets for the gentlemen and tea-dresses for the women; but these are usually grey, and coloured, respectively; rather than black and white. Wearing evening dress at a morning wedding would make it more like a costume party than a formal event.

You would never put registry information on your invitations, regardless of the kind of reception you are having. That would make it seem like you are begging for gifts, which is rather humiliating. People aren’t looking for pay-back anyway (or at least they shouldn’t be) — they shouldn’t be choosing a gift with the idea of compensating you for buying them dinner, and you shouldn’t be feeling that you have to pay them back. They will give you presents because they love you; they will find your registry information themselves by asking your mom or searching the registry databases; and you will “pay them back” solely by a simple “thank-you” (hand-written and sent within a couple days of receiving the gift.)

Post # 11
375 posts
Helper bee

“Our plan is not having lunch/ dinner reception with guests, but to have reception with family and close friends only.”

Wait- are there people invited to see the wedding that wouldn’t go to the reception? As in the reception is only for family and close friends?

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