- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
Bees, I REALLY need some insight on this as it is causing me all kinds of angst.
I posted a few months ago about my worries concerning 2 cousins of mine who insist on bringing their children wherever they go, etc. Fiance and I decided to have only the wedding party children (4 kids) at our wedding due to financial and space issues, as well as the fact that it is an intimate, black tie optional evening event.
We tried to “prep” the cousins and whenever asked about the guestlist, we said very plainly that we would not be inviting children. They seemed to take it okay and we were feeling relieved.
So Monday night, Cousin1 calls me and tells me that she thinks it is important for her 14 year old daughter to attend. I calmly explained that it was not in our budget to include all of the kids (50+), nor was it appropriate for the type of wedding we have planned or the venue. She continued to lobby for her daughter’s attendance and I calmly, nicely and patiently held my ground. She finally relented and asked that I discuss it with Fiance & if we ended up having extra seats to include the daughter. I told her we’d discuss it.
So Monday night, my 80 year old aunt (not her mother, her aunt too) calls me and tells me I am being selfish by not including Cousin1’s daughter and her sister, Cousin2’s sons. I was shocked and taken aback. I didn’t want to rehash it or justify our decision so I just told her right away, “There is no point in discussing this, we have made our decision.” My aunt continued to berate me & then said, “My daughter and I are willing to give up our seats so that’ll cover 2 kids and we’ll pay for the third one.”
At that point, I lost it. I was trying to understand in what universe this conversation would be appropriate. I told her blatantly, “If you & your daughter don’t want to attend our wedding you will be missed, but WE will decide who gets those seats or we’ll just save ourselves some money if we so choose, but we are NOT inviting those kids.” Now I am not one to be disrespectful to my elders and I usually try to keep the peace as family is very important to me, but I just felt that she took it too far. My aunt went on to say that she would also pay for a sitter to keep the kids in line and that I had no suitable response other than to relent and extend an invitation to the kids.So I asked her what I should do about the other 50 kids who cannot attend and then told her, “It doesn’t matter what you and Cousin1 want, this is about Fiance AND ME! WE have decided what we want and we do not want the kids there.”
My aunt then said in a very snarky tone, “Well I guess it is your wedding and you get to decide who comes; but you are selfish and you are making a rift in the family with this behavior.” She then said, “Well BRIDEZILLA, I’ll leave it at that with you and just make my case with all of the other parents in the family and then perhaps you’ll have plenty of extra seats when no family members come. I’ll send my reply card in the mail” and she hung up.
I was in tears half the night. Fiance said not to worry that the other family members will attend and if not, we’ll just invite our friends since we B-listed 95% of our friends to accommodate our families. I am just incredibly angry and hurt. I want my family to attend my wedding, so part of me wants to give in to allow these 3 kids to attend, but how do I smooth that over with everyone else whose children are not invited to attend, especially FI’s family?
The other part of me wants to just say “Forget it!” and take the loss on the money (evreything is paid in full except for the flowers) and just go to city hall.
Honestly, what would you and tell me please, was I out of line?