Post # 1
I know I should be posting this in Relationships or something, but I like my waiting bees better!!
Mom and SO dont see eye to eye. This will be our second holiday season together. Last year, we spend thanksgiving with our own fams, and I spent xmas with his fam.
Just got thru holiday scheduling at work, and I will be spending Thanksgiving with his fam this year and going home to my own for xmas. My mom just invited SO to come with me for xmas. I sent him a text that she extended the invite, and no reply. I know he will just ignore it, and in the end tell me No. This sucks bees!! I just want the 2 people that mean the most to me to be able to spend one holiday together!!!
My biggest concern is that we will never spend a holiday together as a fam when we have kids because Ill want to take the kids to my moms and he wont come. Hes already told me that wont happen, but i dont quite believe it….
Edit- we live in NY…so do his parents. My mom is in Pittsburgh, going to one in the morning and the other later in the day doesnt work. Sure wish it would though. That would be a PERFECT solution!!
Post # 3
SO and I had issues scheduling our major holidays at first too. It’s not that SO and my mom had any problems with each other, it was mainly his mom having to understand that he’s going to go elsewhere for major holidays every other year. Compromise works. We even had Christmas at our place so both of our parents could see us last year. Is that an option?
Post # 4
@LiliKitty: We dont live together, and our parents live in sep states….but that is a GREAT idea of the future!!
Post # 5
My SO and I do it this way. I don’t know if this helps but this is what we do (our families also live kind of close to each other within an hour drive)-
Thanksgiving- Dinner at my parents. Desert at his.
Christmas eve- at my parents
Christmas day – the morning at his parents ( we only spend the morning there because his family goes seperate ways after)
The first year we dated he didn’t really care about spending the holidays at his parents house( he wanted to spend them all with me where ever I was. It was sweet but really bothered me that he didn’t want to be with his family!). So I made this plan all by myself and his family LOVES me for doing it lol.
Post # 6
I’d try not to worry about it until those kids come along – until then it’s fine to have separate holidays. WHen you have kids, maybe you guys could host both families – problem solved! 😉
Post # 7
We have never spent a Thanksgiving or Christmas together in the 8 years we’ve known each other. I always end up working and he has holiday time off. He goes to see his family four hours away while I visit mine on the holiday for a few hours. We’ll proabably have to figure out what to do this year since we’ll be married and it seems we shouldn’t spend it apart.
Post # 8
We’ve never been together for Christmas. We live in North Dakota, his family lives in California and mine lives in Canada. We celebrate both Canadian and American Thanksgiving together with our friends in North Dakota, and then I go home for Christmas and he stays in North Dakota due to his work. It makes me so sad he’s alone on Christmas. I come home right away so we can celebrate New Years together, and his birthday is the 4th. THis year, I’m surprising him with a trip home to California on his birthday.
But I don’t know what we’re gonna do in the future. Christmas means a lot to my family, and even though my parents are divorced, we’ve come to a compromise alternating Christmas and Christmas eve. So Who knows what’s gonna happen after we get married
Post # 9
Thanks Ladies. I was feeling like we were in a dysfunctional relationship as he has yet to spend a holiday with my family, but maybe its more normal than I thought. I absolutely loved the ideas on having the parents over to OUR place once we have one (next year)!!!! I love playing Martha Stewart so our 1st Christmas next year might be really fun!!
I just dont want my mama being upset if he turns down her invite 🙁
Post # 10
Much more normal than you thought. Our first Christmas was awkward beca use we had just stared dating a few weeks before, so we were apart and then I went to see him that night and we exchanged small gifts. The next Christmas we were in the hospital because we had just had a baby! So this Christmas, we are hosting our families, so they can not only be together, but also to celebrate our little one’s first birthday.
Post # 11
Why don’t they get along? Is it silly, petty stuff? Have they both made an effort?
I have a good family friend named Mona who has been married for 5 years. Her Darling Husband and her mother absolutely can’t stand eachother and refuse to be in the same room together, so they always split up for holidays. They now have a 1 year old son, and its heartbreaking that Mona and her DH both can’t spend holidays with their son together if Mona’s mom is going to be there. I hope your situation never gets this extreme!
Post # 12
@FearLess: That is heartbreaking 🙁 SO knows this is a HUGE concern of mine (Im an only child, mom does talk to her family….so Im really all she has). He has assured me that he will not let anything like this affect HIS family (our kids)….but in the meantime, he just doesnt like being around her. Personality clashes
Post # 13
Holidays can be rough – my SO’s mother refuses to share her son and pitched a fit when he said he might spend every other Christmas with my family. I’m hoping you have a better result with your relationship. Who knows, he may surprise you!