(Closed) And the question begins….

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
10508 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We started getting this question even before the wedding. We’ve been together for 8 years so I guess people think we don’t want to just enjoy being married for awhile? 

I usually just say “It’s going to be awhile” or “We’re hoping to get a puppy this summer!” and then change the subject. It doesn’t especially bother me, but it does shock me that people think this is an okay question to ask given you don’t know what struggles people are going through. It’s such a rude question to ask. 

Post # 3
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I agree with PP. It doesn’t bother me much now because we’re not trying, but I can’t imagine what it would feel like to have to field questions if we were struggling with it. My response has been, “We are just enjoying our newlywed time right now!” We’ve been married over a year, but I still think we are newlyweds 🙂

Post # 4
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My husband and I have been married for just over a year (July 2015), but I think people think we are still youngish for a baby (26) so we haven’t been getting many questions about it. If anything, a few people have said “now that you’re married, have people bugging you about kids yet??” and I just say not really, and then I go on to talk about how most of my friends still live at home with their parents, it’s not like i’m getting much pressure from them to have kids!

My parents have stated quite a few times that they can’t wait for grandkids, and have jokingly asked when, but then they follow up and say, they want us to travel and have some time to relax be conomfortable financially.

rosegoldcoloredglasses :  Wow,  good point! That would be hard to deal with if you were struggling to get pregnant.

Post # 5
Member
2177 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
railroaderwifeyxo :  I generally say “Not yet!” and leave it at that, but I’ve also said things like “Right now, we’re enjoying being married” or “That’s a really personal question I don’t feel comfortable answering” or a simple “that’s really not something you should be asking me” when people are pushing too hard (like my HR manager asking if I was pregnant since I requested we make some kind of maternity provision in our employee standards).

For the most part, I think people are just trying to make small talk or feel a part of your life, so I try to not get too aggressive.

Post # 6
Member
5081 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

My Mother-In-Law said the other day that she had a dream and that she didn’t know how but that she could just sense that I was pregnant. LOL, no. I have an IUD for a reason. I just tell people it’s a ways off if they ask. 

Post # 7
Member
1494 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
railroaderwifeyxo :  haha from the moment we said I do 🙂 It was written in our wedding cards, people keep asking as they see us. We have our own timeline we are sticking to as well and we don’t think it’s anyones concern what it is so I always give them the line of “We’re just enjoying being married right now”

Post # 8
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Luckily my DH is a PhD student so we will be using that as our excuse for the next few years (I don’t think we will ever have kids but that is not a conversation I want to have with most people).

Post # 9
Member
7887 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I just keep it vague and say something like “sometime in the future.” 

Post # 10
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

I wish I could tell you the questions will stop but they won’t. Even almost immediately after DD1 was born, people would inquire into when we were planning on a second. Unfortunately after DD1 we ended up losing 2 pregnancies, and each time within days of the MC people would ask when we thought we’d try again. We eventually did up having our second and final child. I remember somone asking me WHILE PREGNANT when I was going have to try for a third. It was like “Dont really feel like another bun in the oven right now. This one is still cooking” Youngest DD is now 3 and we are still fielding questions as to why we dont want anymore. And “Oh you might change your minds’ (we wont. we have always wanted just the two)

Post # 11
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

I usually say, “Oh, I don’t like babies.” Shuts them up every time. 

Post # 12
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
railroaderwifeyxo :  I’m of the very unpopular opinion that this question is fine for friends and family to ask!  In your case I would just tell the truth that you guys are waiting a little while (for whatever reason, settling into married life, getting finances in order, buying a new home etc).  For those saying that some people struggle with conception, this is absolutely true, however I think that it should be fine for a couple to also say that, I think sharing our struggles in life more will only make other people going through the same struggles feel better, and perhaps be more compassionate.

Now if it a stranger or aquaintance asking, I think that’s a bit rude.  I would just say not yet! 

Post # 13
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We have a 1 year old baby now but when people used to ask me I would say (very politely) ‘we will start trying when we decide its the right time for us’ and usually people would respect that but I would get the odd ‘its never the right time’ comment. To which I would smile and nod. Nosy people just dont know when to quit. Try not to let it annoy you. Now that we have one people are asking about the second….really?! I just started sleeping through the night, leave me alone! 

Post # 14
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I talk about the stroller I bought for my cat and show them the pictures. No one asks anything after that. 

The topic ‘And the question begins….’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors