Post # 1
Hi bees. So I wrote a thread last week about how not many people had RSVP’d. We’re definitely still missing a few but we have a lot more now. Well now the drama is beginning. My FI’s parents contributed a small amount to our wedding *about 7 grand less than mine* and have been way more demanding than my parents. Anyways my Fiance is NOT close to his family and does not even enjoy being around them and barely is around them at all. Maybe once a year for a few hours on Boxing Day or a birthday. His mom INSISTED we had to invite certain people though which was fine and dandy. However now these family members are asking to bring people
Example A) FI’s mom phones and asks why we didn’t give a plus one to a cousin. She made it sound like we had offended people and we were being so rude and silly for not thinking of it. This cousin has never been known to have a girlfriend and we’ve never met the girlfriend. This cousins family has not even met this girlfriend however we were supposed to know he has a girlfriend? And both Fiance and I have seen him for less than 2 hours in the last 3 years at brunch on boxing day.
Example B) We invite his uncle and two cousins even though my fiance did want his cousins there. We addressed the invitation strictly to the 3 of them. His one cousin who’s 16 or 17 has impregnated his girlfriend who we have never met at any family functions and they are both under 18. I creeped this girl on facebook and I’m pretty sure I’ve done a mental health assessment on her in my field of work which makes it awkward because they RSVP’d and asked to bring her? I could totally be chill and let it slide but I’m like WTF?! It’s like a $150 dollars per head and people are demanding to bring people.
What do you do or say in these circumstances?
Post # 2
Its hard when money is involved so I’d say you have three options:
1.Do everything they ask for and have a wedding thats filled with people you dont know, whilst sacrificing things you wanted to pay for them.
2. See if they’ll pay the extra it’ll cost to have them there, you have a budget, and you’re sticking to it!
3. Downright so no, its your day, not theirs.
The last is tricky because it will cause the drama to get bigger, but I would hate to have people I’ve only met once for 2 hours! (Or not at all!)
Also tricky when it comes to invitees partners, ultimately its your call.
Post # 3
NBee: “Sorry, but we are unable to accomodate any additions to the guestlist. If this means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding.”
Do not give any other reasons or make excuses. There will always be those people who are problem solvers:
– no extra chairs? no problem, she will sit on my lap
-venue won’t cater for any more guests? no problem, we will share a meal.
– budget problem? I will pay for the extra guest
Don’t go there.
Post # 4
Honestly, I would say no to both of these extra guests. Tell your Future Mother-In-Law (or the guests directly) that you’re unable to accommodate any extras and you understand if this means that they will no longer be able to attend. Better yet, your Fiance needs to be the one to tell his mother or the guests this – they’re his family after all. You’ve both already acquiesced to the wishes of Future Mother-In-Law enough, it’s too late for her to make any more demands on the guest list.
Post # 6
I understand your frustration. It’s like these people have never been to weddings before and don’t get that this all costs a lot of money and takes a lot of planning to pull off smoothly.
I second PPs advice. Just tell them no. But be prepared for some to still show up with their additional guests anyway. I’ve heard several stories like that on the Bee before.
Post # 7
llevinso: that would be awful considering we’re having a plated dinner with place cards to identify what you ordered
Post # 8
Tell your Father-In-Law that you appreciate their gift towards the wedding very much but you’ve invited the people already on their list and now now invitations are closed to people you don’t know like plus ones.
Evetytime it’s brought up just repeat. It should be you Fiance dealing with his mother not you.
This is only an “RSVP drama” if you turn it into a drama. Stop complaining about it to people and just be a smiling, serene brick wall. Just have your Fiance say NO.
If anyone should just show up have an usher tell them You’re so sorry but she was not on the invite list and there is no place for her.
Remember YOU are doing nothing wrong it’s the uninvited guest and the interfering mother in law who ARE.
Post # 9
NBee: Yes it would be! Hopefully that doesn’t happen to you. Some people are just rude and there’s no getting around it.