(Closed) And the worst (ex) bridesmaid ever goes to… (vent)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I had a comparable experience with my Maid/Matron of Honor. It got so crazy with all the back and forth that I just couldn’t talk to her anymore. I didn’t invite her to the wedding and did not speak to her for 5 years. I finally reached out when I was visiting her city and let her know in advance that I will be there for 2 weeks and I would love to see her and that I am sorry how things turned out. She seemed genuinely excited and wanted to have a girl date and then have the 4 of us get together so we can meet her husband. Well, for the 2 weeks I was there I couldn’t reach her at all, she never called to let me know that she could not make it. I just let it go this time. Some people are not dependable and too wrapped up in their own issues. There is nothing I can do about it. She since moved to another country, so I don’t think I will ever see her again. I wished I was more mature handling the situation in the first place but there isn’t much I can do about it now.

I say just let it be 🙂 Concentrate on the positive and your upcoming wedding excitement 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@lnl113:  At this point, let her go. She has a heck of a lot of time to prepare to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I know it hurts but friendship evolve and change. Live your life and enjoy your wedding

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I smell shotgun wedding…

Post # 8
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well, to be fair, you weren’t with your fiancé much longer than she’s been with hers before you decided to get married.

Post # 9
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2005

Ick. Maybe she’s prego and thinks she will look bad for having a baby before marriage?

Her excuse to not go to yours is dumb. If it were my friend I’d tell her that then be done with her.

Post # 10
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@KatNYC2011:  Good call!

From her responses Id say you need to let this one go. It’s shit yes but you’re not going to get what you want from her :/

Post # 11
Member
2586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@KatNYC2011:

 

Lolol … Or they’re in a huuuuuge hurry to screw.

 

Either way, blah, I’ve had a friend “find Jesus” before and seen it happen between other friends, and the result I think is always the same…. Your lives become so enormously different that it becomes really difficult to maintain a genuine friendship. You can’t relate to each other and once that happens, stuff like this occurs and you feel fed up a lot quicker.

Id say wish her well in life and cut her loose without any more arguing or dramz.  If you decide to reconnect at some point in the future, great, but if not – no big loss, and you stayed on the high road.

Post # 12
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

She shoudn’t have bridesmaid duties. She also shouldn’t have to be judged by her friend for how long she’s known her fiance, the path she chooses in life, and who she chooses to be with. 

It seems like you’ve been reacting pretty poorly to her choices. Your ten text messages freaking out on her is when things got crazy, not when SHE decided to get married. The way you speak about her in the original post (she’s “running off to become a bible thumper, mocking her religious choices, mocking her fiance, assuming that she is trying to play the martyr by saying she’ll catch a bus, etc.) Sounds like you shouldn’t be calling her the worst anything.

I’m not a Christian, so maybe I’m wrong here, but a good Christian doesn’t judge other people like that. I know a good person sure shouldn’t. Perhaps she’s decided she is better off without someone like you in her life. And I don’t really blame her at this point. Sorry if you don’t like it, but go back and reread what you wrote. Then realise that being a bride doesn’t give you carte blanche to control (and judge) the lives of other people. 

Post # 13
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mandypop:  Or they’re in a huuuuuge hurry to screw.


Best comment today!!

Post # 14
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@HeathenSwan:  My thoughts exactly.

 

Sounds like you are both being unreasonable. If I read your post correctly, and it was difficult to understand in some parts, you’ve been engaged for 4 years? That’s a really long time and it sounds like you’re expecting people to put their lives on hold for you. She can do what she wants. If one of my friends asked me to be in her wedding 4 years from now, I’d be extremely hesistant because who the hell knows what I’ll be doing in 4 years. People grow up and grow apart, and it sounds like this is exactly what happened. 

Post # 15
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You say you understand that the world doesn’t revolve around you and your wedding, but this post makes it sound like you expected her to choose where to live and when to get married based on your wedding? She chose where to live because it is the place that works best for her, and I doubt her first thought was, “how will this affect lnl113’s wedding?! Better give her an immediate heads up!” I doubt it even crossed her mind–why should it? It’s unfortunate that her wedding is so close to yours, but you really only get one day. To be honest, I think you’re coming across a bit unreasonable, and maybe she could have come to your wedding 12 days after hers. She may be using the timing as an out because you’re making all of her (unrelated-to-you) life choices all about your wedding. That’s not a very supportive thing for a friend to do. I really am sorry to be harsh, but I am telling you how I’d be feeling if I were your bridesmaid.

Post # 16
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2023

I agree with HeathenSwan, CasperBoats and PenelopeAnne.

I think if it bothers you that much, you need to cut all ties and just move on from it. But honestly, it sounds like you’re making choices for your bridesmaids, then getting pissed that they’re not following them.

I’m also not happy with ‘So that left me with Ally, who then found out she was pregnant and is due two weeks after my wedding (great)’

That bit REALLY got to me. You’ve been engaged for four years! What? Your bridesmaids aren’t allowed to have children in that time? It must be awful that one of your bridesmaids wants to have a child in a timeframe that doesn’t suit you or fit with your wedding.

Four years is a very long time. People are going to change. People are going to move away. People are going to get married and pregnant. You can’t expect people to put their lives on hold and wait for you to get married so that they can carry on with what they want to do.

Just out of interest, what were these ‘duties’ she was supposed to be doing?

All a bridesmaid has to do is turn up on the day and stand next to you. There’s no duties, and where I come from they don’t pay for their dress. Your ex-bm doesn’t want to do that anymore. So just let it go. It’s been a long time, and it sounds like you don’t have the same friendship anymore. It happens. You’ve changed and she’s changed. That’s life.

You need to go back and concentrate on your remaining bridesmaids – especially the pregnant one – because she is going to need your help and support too, not just give help and support to you. You need to be happy for her, not annoyed that she’ll be pregnant at your wedding.

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