- 4 years ago
It has been a long time since I have been here… From happily planning a wedding to the way I am now…I can’t believe it.
I am in the verge of divorce and my life has been torn apart. My story is long and it gets worse every day. I know what I should do, but I just don’t have the strength. I need your opinions,,,
I dated my husband for 7 years, he proposed and then after a few months he transformed into a moster. He was having problems at work, he hated the city we lived in and he turned everything back on me. I was treated like a dog but instead of leaving him I stayed and took all that shit. Than one day he said he was going to move because he had gotten a job in another state. I left my job (that I LOVED) and followed him to another state close to his family (I should never have done that). I got a new job in a place that I hate doing stuff that I hate. It was pretty hard for me. We got married because he felt guilty I needed a greencard. I could have gotten the green card through work, but to move to be with him I had to left my loved job that would give me the greencard.
Moving to a different state, new job all that was hard on me. I got depressed last year ( I moved beginning jan 2013). I would just cry and cry and he was not supportive for not even a second. I felt worse than because he was a jerk to me and then I didn’t have my job or my friends! I don’t make friends easily and I felt lonely. He in the meantime just wanted to go home see his Mommy, who BTW interferred a LOT in our marriage. My weekends were cleaning the house and cooking for him. He never took me out for dinner, I had to beg for a hug on my birthday…
I went to therapy through work, but it was just a short time allowed. It was good for me I realized I had to leave him but I honestly do not have the courage. I cried more than I had ever in my life. He wanted to go to counselling and he says he goes for me. For me to see how I am not good (he says that only to me, not to the therapist). He wants me to make him breakfast every day while he sits on the couch and I just feel used.
I asked if he wanted to go to my country for Xmas. Mind you in 8 years tigether he has never been there and he said he wanted to spend Xmas with his Mom. So I went by myself. I had not seen my family for almost 2 years!
When I came back he said he wants to divorce me. He said I should stay in my country because he had to spend the Holidays alone. I got back and my house is a mess. I now have a desk in the middle of the living room that he refuses to remove because he wants to watch tv while he works from home.
We sleep in separate bedrooms, we don’t touch and he says he dreds the time I come home from work.
But I still love him. I dreamed of having a life with this guy and I just can’t let it go. He says horrible stuff to me. He says I am a horrible person and isntead I try to make him love me…
In writing and reading this I see how crazy I am for not leaving hm. But I left EVERYTHING for this guy. I left my wonderful job where I was respected and liked and my friends that helped me so much. And now I feel that if I leave him I will be left with nothing…
Is he ever going to change and see the loving and caring person I am?