(Closed) …And then my dad told me via text he was married

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013


Post # 3
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My husband had a similar thing with his dad. We found out he was engaged because he sent Darling Husband an email with a picture of a hand with a ring-no explanation at all. Then for the wedding, they were planning to go to the courthouse and my Darling Husband said fine, let me know and ill be there. Well they “uninvited” him and told him not to bother coming to the ceremony, and they would just have a little reception/housewarming later. So weird!! 

Anyway- I don’t have any advice- just wanted to say you aren’t alone!

Post # 4
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

candykristina:  Its been a few days since he texted you and you have given no response. He probably suspects that you arern’t too happy. I would say congratulations and tell him you didnt respond sooner because you were so surprised. If it really bothers you you could always inquire why and keep it friendly. They could have just decided to elope alone as many people do this.

Post # 5
4160 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would just say Congratulations…I wish I could have been there! 

Post # 6
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 1975

candykristina:  Wish him Congratulations. If you feel the need to let him know how it made you feel, please do so. Maybe he didn’t think you’d be hurt.

Post # 7
602 posts
Busy bee

candykristina:  sounds like something my dad would do! He’s had a girlfriend for two years that I haven’t even met yet who apparently is coming to my wedding in three weeks (my dad lives fifteen minutes away so there’s no excuse that I haven’t met her yet he just keeps her a secret). 

my response would be “I wish I could have been there to celebrate with you. Congratulations” It’s not rude but he will get the picture you’re not too happy. 

Post # 8
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

My parents (mother and step-father) didn’t tell a single member of their family, brothers, sisters, nothing when they got married. Just picked us up from elementary school and went to the Justice of the Peace. I think you need to just suck it up and get over it. Not everyone wants people there or even people to know. It wasn’t your wedding, so you really don’t get a voice unless asked.

Post # 9
525 posts
Busy bee

Wow, tough and I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t be able to keep my emotions intact so probably would have called immediatelyand asked why I wasn’t invited. I’m no help 🙁

Post # 10
281 posts
Helper bee

I would just respond with something alone the lines of “Congradulations. I wish you had told me I was uninvited, though”.

Post # 11
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

candykristina:  I don’t know if it matters, but where we live you can book a marriage commissioner for the same day so long as their schedule allows it. My mother got re-married at the courthouse and didn’t tell anyone until a week or two later. Just sat all us kids down and was all “SO Stepdad & I got married at the courthouse….” long pause where all us kids have no idea what to say…. “A week ago….” I was very upset about it at the time, but now that I’ve had my own wedding I fully understand why she did it- it was cheaper, quicker, easier, and way less drama than a full on wedding would have been.  I would just send them a card with a congratulations and some flowers or something small if your feeling generous. 

Really, it’s their decision to make, and while they did lead you on and then change their minds is it really worth harming your relationship over?

Post # 12
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You send a simple message back that just says “Congratulations on your marriage”. Any discussions about hurt feelings over not being invited should be dealt with in a face to face conversation with your dad. Ideally not in front of his new wife.

Post # 13
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

candykristina:  Eloping itself isn’t the problem, it’s going back on their word. If they said they were going to invite you, then you can and should call them out on it.

I would reply along the lines of, “Congratulations – but you told me I was invited. I wish you’d told me because I would have loved to be there”. EDIT: And I’d do it by phone, not by text.

Post # 14
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

If you want a relationship with him in the future just say something like” Congratulations!! We’ll have to celebrate the next time we get together!” 


It’s their wedding, they had every right to have it the way they wanted it. Let it go. 

Post # 15
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

“That’s nice… Where’s my invitation?”

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