(Closed) And this is why I have an issue

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

I find it very hard to be “counseled” by someone who isn’t even married!!! I mean seriously..how can you tell or give advice to someone about marriage if you have no idea what they are going through or have never been married. “

OMG yes I agree so much with this!

Post # 4
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

The part that pisses me off the most is the religious folk who go on and on about “rights” as if it’s obvious that religious dogma should be the authority on what constitutes a legal right, while completely ignoring the fact that one of the most important rights in the Constitution is the right to be free from any law established on the basis of religion.

It boggles my mind.

Post # 5
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Ms Sassy:  i definatly understand what you mean about religion,  however, I am a therapist and I often get asked… “if you were not an addict, how can you understand my addiction?” or, ‘you werent a vet, how can you help me with my PTSD?”  Or, lets say I was counseling a girl with PTSD from a rape, do I need to have been raped to have helped her?

same thing with marriage counseling.  Do you need to have ben married to help out with that? So, lets say i have not been married.  Can I counsel you on your relationship?  what if I have been with one partner for 5 years… 10 years… 25 years and decided marrige was not the route for us?

 I dont believe so.. thats what years and years of schooling, internships, fellowships, employment, personality, and life experience is for.

 

Post # 6
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i do speak in defense of marriage… between man and woman, woman and woman, man and man,  Between two consenting adults in love.

Post # 7
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

@snobunyz24: While I believe in therapy 150% (my mom’s a therapist and I’m considering social work school), I do think that someone who has experienced these issues (or any issues) can have a lot more perspective than someone who hasn’t. Not saying that you can’t help out a vet, but I think that an ex-soldier can help a vet in a way that you might not be able to…and the same goes for a victim of sexual abuse, an eating disorder survivor, etc. I can totally see being one of these people and wanting to talk to someone who’s had the experience.

To the OP: I totally agree that everyone should have the right to marriage, and really hate when religion thinks it can get involved in people’s rights.

Post # 8
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Everyone should have the right to be married, I have gay friends who I am going to their civil ceremony in june and there is more love between them than any other couple I know. I think love is love and it shouldn’t matter who you love. As long as you treat that person with respect love and care. 

I read an article about Jason Mraz and he proposed to his girlfriend in december but they are not going to have a wedding until everyone can legally wed. I think that is such a great statement for them to make. 

Post # 9
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

@pinesey: They really can’t help much more because in counseling, self-disclosure by the therapist is strongly discouraged.  You can say “I experienced that myself” but that’s about it.  You can’t really offer advice about what you did or anything like that as that’s not therapy and then it makes it about the therapist and not the client.  For example, let’s say I was married, but it was a happy wonderful marriage, would I magically be a better therapist for someone who was unhappily married just because I was married?  Probably not.  If you’ve got the theory, internship, years of experience counseling similar issues, research, etc. then in my skewed opinion as a therapist in training, you have more than enough ability to help.

But yes, I also agree with the OP.  The most amazing wedding I’ve ever been to has been for 2 lesbians.  I just bawled my eyes out during the ceremony because I was so happy they could legally get married!  They had been together for decades!

Post # 11
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Totally agree with OP.

Post # 12
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@snobunyz24: I totally agree. 

To put it on a smaller spectrum, isn’t that why we come to the hive?  We want to vent about relationships and everything else under the sun, but to receive advice we don’t ask “Only respond if you’ve been through this”. I think you need that person OUTSIDE of the box to bring you back from your troubles. And a person that is educated/certified in that area is invaluable.

And everyone should have the right to be married, without a doubt.

This is more of a government/world issue… not just a religion.

Post # 13
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ms Sassy: Btw, don’t forget the GOVERNMENT is the one dictating who can/can’t get married. That’s what needs to be changed.  If gay marriage was legal in all of America, do you really thing people would care about what the Vatican is saying? 

Post # 14
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Mrs.Firefly1: Btw, don’t forget the GOVERNMENT is the one dictating who can/can’t get married.

Not necessarily.  Gay couples can’t get married in California because the Mormon church came up with that vile Prop 8, preying on people’s ignorance and fear in order to pass one of the first constitutional amendments seeking to strip a fundamental right from a group of people (hows that for progress?)  The government did not do that. To the contrary, the government (by way of the courts) were the ones telling the people (i.e. the church) that their bigoted crap wasn’t gonna fly. 

Post # 15
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@lezlers: I agree, but the government is not endorsing all of the people wanting it legal (rallys, petitions, ect). So really, the governement is just completely useless on this subject IMO!

ETA- If anything, the Federal Government seems to moving further and further away from religion in this day and age…. (taking the word God out of everything possible). 

Post # 16
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

The federal gov’t should just say eff these states and allow same sex marriage. But then all the conservatives would bitch and moan that the gov’t has no right making laws like that! SMH.  Obviously leaving it up to the states is not working. If a church doesn’t want to marry a same sex couple because their bible tells them so, then so be it. A church can do whatever it wants, but marriage isn’t owned by the Christians. Marriage was a business contract between families before the church ruined it. Stuff like this pisses me off because the only argument that the church’s have is “Well…it’s in the bible…and if the bible says it’s wrong then who am I to think for myself?” 

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