(Closed) And you wonder why people don’t RSVP!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

I love when I get “no’s”! One less person to feed. I don’t mean that in a mean way at all, it’s just having more money allows me to put it into other parts of the wedding.

As far as people RSVPing, I know I will have to call some people. It doesn’t bother me as much as it says about their personality. If you can’t write your name on a card in a pre-addressed and stamped envelope when I gave you almost three months to do so, you’re just selfish and lazy. I would never expect a reason why someone couldn’t make it, unless it’s due to illness, I just have no interest.

Post # 4
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

At this point, I don’t care if they RSVP no, I just need an answer. 50% of my guest list hasn’t send their cards back. When I talk to them they mention like, “Oh, you know I’m coming!” (Actually, I have no way of knowing that.) Plus, I talked to my Future Mother-In-Law today and she was telling me how so and so and he and she told HER they were coming and to tell me… OMG I sent you an addressed, stamped card, just check the box and send it back to me yourself! If people don’t want to or can’t come, I totally understand and won’t be offended… I’m more offended by them leaving me hanging and making me chase them down for a simple yes or no answer!

Post # 6
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t think there is any excuse not to to RSVP.  It takes 2 seconds to check a box, and not responding is very disrespectful to the couple.

I do agree that people shouldn’t give those that say no the third degree about it, but regardless I think not replying is completely unacceptable.

Post # 7
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I see where you are coming from- yet I was one of those brides that was sad my friends did not tell me why they weren’t coming.  My friends and I are all social fun loving people!  So I wondered (and still wonder) why they would miss a fun time with a bunch of people they know.  I am a non confrontational person.  I do what I can do avoid confrontation.  I invited these people because they are my friends- I wasn’t inviting just anyone off the street.  If I felt we were friends enough to be invited to the wedding- I feel like I could have gotten a reason they couldn’t make it.  (I know they by no means are required to- it just would have been nice.)

Post # 8
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t expect an explanation at all … I simply want to know if they’re coming or not so we have enough food and chairs.

Post # 9
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t care about an explanation.  If you give one, great, but just tell me if you are or aren’t coming.  If you can’t come, that’s more than fine, it leaves more room in the budget for me for other things if I don’t have to pay for your $200/plate!

Post # 10
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

lol, before reading your post, i answered the title in my head by thinking this:

“because we are lazy, forgetful, and your wedding is not at the forefront of my mind!”

I have been guilty of not RSVPing on time before and that is pretty much why. none of it is a good excuse, but it is what it is.  Having planned my own wedding now though, i will never not RSVP on time ever again!

One time i forgot to RSVP when I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man. The bride knew i bought my dress and everything, but she called me to find out if i was coming and i was like “um, ya!”  I think in the case of the bridal party who are your good close friends, getting a formal reply is not so crucial – but still nice!

Post # 11
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I have never been badgered about sending in a “no” RSVP. There can’t be that many people who are terrified of the Wrath of the Slighted Bride. I think you’re giving people too much credit; everyone we had to track down RSVPs for was just being self-admittedly lazy.

Post # 12
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

oh, i have also attended every wedding i have ever been invited to.  so i guess i never had to worry about telling the bride “no”.  i cant imagine that i would worry, because if i did say no, i would have a good excuse. i love going to weddings, so its not like i would ever not go because i dont want to!

Post # 12
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

In principle, I absolutely agree, OP: a wedding is never as important to anyone else as it is to the bride/groom, and people who fear retribution for a decline typically hesitate to send one. However, this lapse in social confidence is no excuse for ignoring common courtesy and responding to an invitation. There are elements involved in weddings — particularly those on a large scale — that deserve the basic respect of pre-planned attendance, and it really irks me that people can’t seem to check a little box and drop it in the mail.

Post # 13
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

not every bride is thinking the world revolves around them and their wedding…but thank you for the newsflash.

Post # 14
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it really depends.  If someone close to us, a close friend or close family, RSVPs “no” then yes, I would like to know why.  Not that i’m interrogating them or demand to know what could be more important than our wedding, but chances are, we expected them to attend because they are close and are sad that they won’t be there.

We haven’t received too many NO RSVPs but of the ones we did receive, close friends and family all let us know why and wished us their best wishes, etc.  I really appreciated that.  If they just responded no, and nothing else, I would have felt like they just didn’t care enought to attend.  

Now for the people that we’re not supper close to, (parents’ friends, etc), I’ll just take the NO without any issue.

Post # 15
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

We are in this situation currently and I feel a bit bad and haven’t yet sent the RVSP card (but I will, I promise!).

My FI’s cousin is getting married in September (OOT) and he cannot take vacation time off in September due to government year end, no negotiations. I had planned to attend my 10 year HS reunion that weekend as well so it is just bad timing all around.

I feel like I should write an apology or something on the bottom since we will be inviting them to our wedding. I hope they don’t take it personally and if they chose to not come to our wedding than oh well.

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