Post # 1
My Fiance is a police officer so he has a very high stress job and he deals directly with a lot of the bad things in this world so he has become very cynical and pessimistic. We started dating when he was still in the academy and he has since been on patrol for about 3 years. Lately, it seems that he is angry almost all the time. I don’t know what to do. He seems miserable. He is also going through some family issues, so I know that doesn’t help the situation. When I try to talk to him he says that everything is fine or that he’s tired. He won’t admit to anything. Does anyone have any advice on how to approach him about what’s really bothering him?
Post # 3
Oh, I’m so sorry your fiance is having a hard time–understandable with his job and family problems, but I sure hope he’s not taking it out on you. Nevertheless, I’m sure you must feel some of the undercurrents, at least. Anyway, I’d say that maybe you could arrange a special date and approach him gently. Let him know that you’ve noticed his anger and you just want to be there for him. Maybe mention that it’s been upsetting you … he might be more willing to talk about it if he knows how much it affects you. I think it’s just important not to put him on the defensive and to let him know that he has an understanding partner to vent to. Maybe he just needs to talk about it to someone. I’ll be thinking of you!
Post # 4
Are there any spousal support groups, for SO’s of officers? I’m guessing a lot of officer’s spouses deal with similar issues…
Post # 5
I’m a federal law enforcement officer and have been for 7 years. My fiance has been a federal agent for more than 10 years. Yes, being in this line of work can cause you to by cynical and depressed. You see terrible people do terrible things and it’s difficult to remember that the majority of people are not like that. Everyone can become a "suspect" a "bad guy" or "up to no good" and you can begin to lose your faith and trust in others, particularly your family and friends.
The good news is all law enforcement agencies offer some form of employee assistance. His department should have someone for him to talk to. I think what he’s going through is completely normal given his career and he should know that many before him have had the same "issues" and have sought help through their department or agency’s employee assistance programs. There are trained mental health professionals available that counsel officers with anger and stress management and usually their costs are covered by the agency or department.
I’m not sure you should expect to "fix" him on your own, but a combination of support from you and his department may be just what he needs.
What your Fiance does for your community is heroic and we should all recognize that but heroes aren’t perfect and sometimes they too need a little helping hand.