Post # 1
Long time lurker here hoping to gain some insight. I apologize for any spelling mistakes as I am using my phone. I have a cousin who is basically like a sister to me. I rented with her for a couple of years; split groceries and never had any fights. I eventually moved out to live with my fiance and get married. This girl was moh in my wedding and we paid for her room/transport/ meals for the entire trip. Fast forward 3 years. Me and her are still very close and has been there for me and my SO through fertility issues that involved 6 miscarriages, and a nervous breakdown. I finally got blessed with a sticky baby but it came with a multitude of issues. I got hypernemesis gravarium till 6 months then my placenta started to pull away resulting in bed rest. I have almost made to the end only having 2 weeks left. My issue is that my friend basically dropped off the face of the earth when I was 7 months pregnant and on bed rest. I breaks my heart as we were almost like sisters. Today she finally texted me hello after two months. Between the pregnancy hormones and how angry I feel I don’t know how to handle this. A part of me wants to lash out but I know two wrongs don’t make a right. Any advice?
Post # 2
Did she give a reason for not talking to you? Maybe she had something going on in her life but didn’t want to bother you with it since you were already going through so much.
Post # 3
anonabee87: Have you considered telling her that you have missed her and asking her what is going in in her life?
Post # 4
anonabee87: Congratulations on your sticky baby!!!! 🙂
I imagine she didn’t disappear because she didn’t care, instead it was probably due to life. I have a best friend I’ve known since we were 12 and a sister I adore and am super close to, but there are times when we go months without talking to each other because life gets busy. It could be that there are some things going on with her (relationships, jobs, etc.) that she doesn’t want you stress about because of your pregnancy, so she is keeping her distance.
Do you have gchat or maybe FB that would allow you to have easier access to communicating with her? I know I am not a big fan of texting and I am much more inclined to have my gmail chat box open at work and write an occasional message or two throughout the day rather than texting. That way, even if I don’t have time for a full phone call I am still keeping in touch.
Try to have patience with her. All relationships go through an eb and flow that bring us closer together or make us more distant. These times aren’t permanent and it is better to approach it with understanding so that no permanent damage is done to the relationship. I am sure she will be thrilled to visit you and the baby and meet the newest member of the family when he/she arrives! 🙂
Post # 5
I understand you being angy that she went ghost when you need her the most. But I’m betting it’s like PP’s said, she’s got her own things going on and doesn’t want to bother you or stress you out. Also, had you tried reaching out to her? Is she ignoring your attmepts at communicating or is she just not initiating? Because you can always call her first!
Answer her text and just say “Hey! Where have you been lately? I’ve missed you” and see how it goes. I wouldn’t lash out at her before giving her a chance to explain
Post # 6
I agree with PP! She probably didn’t want to stress you with what was going on in her life. I would just say that you missed her. She has been a great friend to you in the past. An absence of a few months should not ruin that. Try to be kind, and I wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy!
Post # 7
Congrats on ur babyyyy! !!!!!.
How cone you didn’t reach out to her either in the 2 months
Post # 8
Honestly, from what I gather and how close you two are, it sounds like she may have had some sort of problem going on and didn’t want to burden you with the issue. I know when I’m struggling with something, I withdraw from everyone. I know it’s not right or fair to those around me, but sometimes I have to figure things out myself until I let others in. With all of the issues you have been having, combined with having to be on bedrest, she could just simply feel like she can’t turn to you. Communication goes both ways. For all you know, she’s wondering why you haven’t reached out to her in two months.
Post # 9
I think I had a similar situation. One of my really close friends got pregnant and she had some complications but we didn’t get to talk on the phone (we live long distance) as much as I would have liked to. I hesistated from calling her too much because I figured I should let her rest and focus on herself and health instead of bothering her with non-sense. A lot of the time when you call to chit chat with your friends you are talking about a lot of things that don’t matter or in comparison to the little baby that is growing inside of her belly don’t matter as much. So that’s my 2 cents… hope it helps!
I wouldn’t take it like she doesn’t care enough about you and your baby but that she wants to give you space to be a mommy and she may have other stuff going on she doesn’t want to burden you with. If she’s as good a friend as you think she is I’m sure she misses having you around as well…
Post # 10
Tell her you have missed her, ask her if everything is ok in her life, and tell her you are glad to hear from her. Once you have those answers, let her know that not hearing from her hurt you but you are very glad to have her back in your life. Shit happens, life is too short to be angry, let it go and move on. Congrats on baby!!
Post # 11
Greet her and ask her how things are going.
You have no idea why she wasn’t in contact with you, and she does, in fact, have her own life and business to attend to.
Before jumping to conclusions and being angry and lashing out, talk to her. Doing anything else could cause unnecessary trouble, and you simply do not need that kind of trouble at this time.
Post # 12
anonabee87: Congratulations on your baby!
I agree with everyone else in regards to life getting in the way. it would be nice for you to send a text just letting her know how much you miss her. I was just a little confused about why it was important for you to mentioned that you payed for her room and travel expenses. Idk. I guess it sounded like she owes you something (maybe it’s just me). Anyways… it sounds like she has been there for you through a lot of difficult situations and maybe needed a break to live her life. maybe it would be a good idea to see what’s going on with her. she sound like a wonderful and supportive friend.
Post # 13
Sometimes people need a break. I have a friend who has had cancer for the last few years and has gone through a messy divorce. I have done my best to be a helpful friend but sometimes I am mentally exhausted because every single conversation, phone call and text starts with details about her health or her family’s health. This even happened when she knew my father had just died the previous day. (I lost my temper and shouted at her – she didn’t speak to me for months.) After years of this unremittingness I cringe when the phone rings. Although I will help if things get bad, in all honesty our friendship is shot to pieces.
Your friend has been supportive during your six miscarriages and your nervous breakdown. She must be the very best of friends. Why on earth are you so angry with her? Over the last three years she must have been the one allowing for your mental health and making sure that you were okay. Maybe the 7th month of the seventh pregnancy was just too much. Maybe she had worries of her own but didn’t want to share them in case you became upset and lost the baby. Maybe she just needed time with friends who didn’t need her support so much.
I think that it’s your turn to be supportive now. Write a letter of thanks to her. Invite her to be a godparent. Make sure that you talk about her life more than you talk about your life and that of your new baby (congratulations by the way). Make sure she’s okay. In a few months- time when you get the chance, have a girl’s night out together. Share jokes and simply have fun.
Don’t get angry. Be a good and forgiving and supportive friend. Check that she’s okay and make sure that you are there for her.
Post # 14
I’m also one to withdraw a little when faced with a personal problem.
Out of interest, did you try to contact her in the last 2 months? I’d be inclined to be more concerned if you had and she had not responded to you.
I hope there is a reasonable explanation and agree with pps that now could be a good time to reach out to her, tell her you’ve missed her and ask how things have been.
Post # 15
You’re angry at her? You don’t even know what’s going on with her. It sounds like you have needed and gotten a lot of support from her, but maybe she’s tapped out. It’s good to have other sources for support. You can’t expect one person to do it all.
congrats on your baby:-)