Post # 1
When my fiance and I picked our wedding date, his cousin had not set an official date yet. He was engaged for a couple years already and had set dates only to push them further out due to financial reasons. My Fiance and I thought we were safe to set our date the first weekend in June. We sent our save the dates in November to let all of our out of town family know the time and place. A few months later we all got invitations to his cousins wedding, which just happens to be 9 days before ours!
His cousin lives in Texas and we live in North Carolina, but most of the extended family live in Michigan. It would be a lot of traveling for them to go to either of our weddings, so it’s hard to imagine anyone going to both. I tried to brush it off and assume people would come to ours since we had sent our save the dates out months prior. Today I was in for a shock. My fiance came home from work and said he had talked to his dad about the wedding. Apparently his grandparents told them that they couldn’t travel to both weddings, so they were going to neither! My fiance’s own grandparents just said they won’t come to our wedding, because they don’t think it’s fair to choose! I’m worried now that all of his Michigan relatives will have the same excuse, which sucks because they make up about 30% of our guest list.
My fiance and I are having a traditional wedding with a nice sit down dinner. We put a lot of money into this wedding (since we’re paying for most of it ourselves), and now we have to worry that nobody will be there. I’m so angry at this situation, but I don’t think anything can be done at this point. Has anyone else been through something similar? Any advice?
Post # 3
@Bichon Frise: I have not been through anything similar. However, I would try not to stress out about something that you have absolutely no control over at this point. I’m sure that your FI’s grandparents would truly love to be able to attend both weddings, and it’s sad that they are not going to be able to attend either because they don’t want to have to choose between two of their grandchildren. However, this likely would have been the case whether the cousin’s wedding is nine days — or even nine weeks — apart.
I’m sure that you will still have many family members and friends who will be there to share your big day with you. If there is a silver lining to this situation, perhaps you and your Fiance will end up being able to invite a few more friends than you originally thought you would be able to include if all of your FI’s invited family members were attending.
Post # 4
Wow….I would be pissed! Im so sorry 🙁
Post # 5
Maybe you could help with some of the relative’s travel expenses? If you planned on another 30 people coming and they all say they can’t make it, maybe pick the closest 5 and tell them you can pay for their hotel room or something? I would hope that their lack of attendance would create some room in your budget to do this without breaking your budget. It sucks, but that way you can still have the most important people there.
Post # 6
Sorry this is happening! I know it’s not the point, but any chance you could take the $ you save by having fewer guests and put it towards your honeymoon? Just a thought. 🙂
Post # 7
OMG! Ok, so this past weekend I found out that my brother & his Fiance which have they have been engaged for like like 5-6 yrs and had never announced a date are getting married in June 2013 and Our wedding is 1st weekend in July. We got engaged in December and in February we announced the date we choose for our wedding. I dont know how to feel , My first reaction is for my Family and how much it is going to cost them to be in both weddings. All of my family is going to be in our wedding although we have not asked them now I dont know what to do. My mom isnt in the best finacial state so I cant imagine what this will do to her.
and to think I was originally worried about the $$ impact our wedding would cause my brother and his Fiance as we wanted them and their 4 kids in the wedding. I was even looking to purchase their attire for our wedding but NOT ANYMORE!!!!
It just seems that this is the norm for my bothers Fiance always looking at what everyone has or is doing and wants that too…When Fiance and I starting looking for a house…shortly after they started looking , we closed on our home in June and in July they closed on theirs…why oh why is it like this ?
Post # 8
My FI’s cousin’s wedding is two weeks after ours. It is what it is. Invite more friends? And as someone else suggested, bend over backwards to make it easier for the grandparents to change their mind.
Post # 9
My cousin’s wedding was last weekend (six weeks before ours) and it was a huge strain on us and my family financially considering my wedding is just around the corner. I also had to miss out on a lot of the pre-wedding fun like showers and bachelorette party because I could not afford to go down multiple times.
It is what it is, it sucks and it will be difficult. I’m sorry you are in this situation!
Post # 10
You are closer in distance to michigan than texas…I’m pretty sure a lot of your guests will chose your wedding to attend. I also think that because you sent out save the date cards, months before FI’s cousin set their date…..lots of family members would have already started to plan to attend your day and have probably already budgeted and asked for time off work. So I don’t think it will affect your wedding too much.
If finances are an issue for FI’s grandparents, why dont you offer to pay for their flights? I’d prefer to go without little things like favors, and have smaller centrepieces and bouquets…if it means having them there. Would this be an option for you guys???
Post # 11
Try not to stress about it. It won’t change anything.
Either they will come, or they will not come. I personally think that not coming to either because they don’t want to choose is slightly rude. IF they had already planned to come to yours (do you know?).
Once you make plans you don’t cancel them because another event comes along. But I get the granny is trying to be fair. I just happen to not agree with them.
Post # 12
Wow! I would be sooo upset! Aren’t they embaressed to do that? That is not right at all! You should not pay for people’s flights, unless you quite well off…that would be incredibly expensive. Did anyone else in the family talk to them and tell them they should wait until after your weddding? It is amazingly rude what they did. Hopefully others in the family can see that too. Even if I was closer with that couple, I would probably go to your wedding instead, if I had to choose, because I don’t think what they’re doing is fair. I would tell them I was informed of your wedding first, since it was planned first and already arranged my fight to come celebrate with you.
Post # 13
@kay01: @cmsgirl: I don’t think the grandparents are saying they can’t attend both due to financial reasons. I think it’s because they are getting older and they don’t like to do a lot of traveling. However, I would hope they would make an exception this time as these are both their grandsons.
Something I just found out is that my FI’s father told the grandparents that if they can’t travel to both, they should go to the cousin’s wedding. He said he doesn’t think it’s right to skip out on both of them. He told Fiance he was taking the “high ground,” but I’m a little pissed. Obviously, I want them at our wedding!
Post # 14
@sparrow747: Nobody has mentioned anything about their wedding date. FI’s family like to avoid conflict, so I guess they think everything will work itself out.
Post # 15
Wow, I would be so frustrated at that cousin! i am sorry to say that I don’t have much advice, I just wanted to express my frustration on your behalf.
Post # 16
@Bichon Frise: that kind of sucks but i guess when you have a lot of out of state guests, you can’t expect them all to come anyways. i suppose you can try to look at it more positively. you can invite more friends that were perhaps on your “B” list or you can save a lot of money. with the money you save, you can offer to pay for his grandparents to come or you can have a wonderful honeymoon. unfortunately, it is what it is. sorry.