(Closed) Angry? Very selfish of me I know I shouldn't be but I can't help it?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Christenings are an important religious and family event, also kind of the official  “meet the baby!” party. For the sake of the baby and your brother in law, you should be there. It sounds like you’re not really mad at her, just disappointed that someone close to you wasn’t there for any of your wedding events. There’s no way of knowing how a pregnant woman is feeling on any given day, and even if she did intentionally skip your events, dwelling on the past is going to make you look selfish and hurt your other family relationships. It’s not worth it. Be there for your new neice & go to the Christening.

Post # 4
Member
3104 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Have you tried talking to her?

Post # 5
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

pshhhhh I wouldn’t! I think it’s pretty shitty that she went to literally EVERYTHING else for EVERYONE else except yours. If I were you, I’d be feeling “sick” that day…

Post # 7
Member
5963 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Wow…Three things strike me really odd about this whole scenario…

1.  Bed rest = bed rest, not rest for a while, then get up when you feel like it.

2.  The wedding of your future sister in law is kind of a big deal, if you can walk, roll or crawl…you get there.

3.  How in the name of Zeus do you know all of this woman’s comings and goings? 

Either way, it’s not important, if I had to guess, she considers you a social option, until something better comes along, and it would appear that something better ALWAYS comes along. Which is fine, it’s not written anywhere that sisters in law have to be best friends, although it would be ideal, it’s not required.

I would take her recent choices and behavior as a strong indicator or her emotional attachment to you, and scale back my expectations in a big way.

You have two choices when it comes to the Christening…you can decline to attend, which sends a loud and clear message of Tit for Tat..but it’s really not about her as much as it is the baby, and you might want to consider that carefully, OR you can go out, pick out a fabulous Sunday suit with hat and shoes to match, show up looking amazing, be a breezy, fabulous addition to the event and breeze back out with paying her as little attention as possible, also, if you can get your hands on a Tiffany Rattle, nothing says, “Fuck you.”  Like giving their kid something fabulous that totally steals the show.

At least, that’s what I would do!

Good luck & Feel Better!

Post # 8
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would be the bigger person and go, mainly because this event isn’t solely about her–it’s also about your bil (did he come to your wedding?) and of course your niece. if it was her bday party, sure, blow it off! but this isn’t only her thing. I would definitely try to talk to her about your disappointment in a non-confrontational way at some point though, saying you understand why she couldn’t come but that it was hurtful that she made the effort for others

Post # 9
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Text her the day before and tell her you don’t feel well.

 

Post # 10
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

WOW… I think only not being available for your things is a problem, but I do think you should go for your brother. 

Post # 12
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You say she’s a great person and you two get along, but I’m shocked she didn’t attend your wedding, 2 months after having the baby! The shower was no big deal, but the wedding makes me think something else is going on. You or your fiance may want to ask his brother or even the brother’s wife to ask if she’s upset with you because you’re really surprised that she didn’t attend your wedding. You can even say that you understood she couldn’t attend the shower, but when she didn’t attend the wedding and then went to a friend’s shower the next day, you wanted to check to see if something is wrong and if you need to talk. I’m all about non-blaming confrontation, just to try to understand where someone else is coming from.

That being said, attend the christening. This is your niece, so be there to support her and your brother in law, at the very least.

Post # 13
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Nona99:  Nona – you’re funny.

 

And I totally agree. Get a Tiffany’s rattle. Steal the show. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I understand why you are upset with her, I probably would be too. But a Christening is for the baby, and I think you should go for your niece. If this was a different event that was for her (like her birthday or something) I would probably have a different opinion.

Post # 16
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

don’t be petty and don’t punish the innocent baby, just go. It;s annoying for sure, but you don’t know the real truth and I’m not sure it’s worth it to even ask her about it or just take her for her word she wasn’t feeling well.

 

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