I get how this comes off and people are scratching their head with why I’ve given him chances. I think people underestimate the power of charm and persuasion and pushing the right buttons from someone you love.
He has reached out to me repeatedly and given me reasons for the things he has done. He has convinced me that though what he did was bad there was a reason behind it. Then, he said he really wanted to mend things and thought I was going to be the mother of his children.
I really bought into it because he was so charming, caring, convincing, etc. He kept apologizing and saying how he thought he was one of the good guys and he hated himself for what he put me through this year, that he would absolutely make it up to me by being honest from now on.
So couple that with his grand gesture of waltzing into my apartment to announce he is single, etc… it can really screw with your head!!! For my birthday, he hand delivered a huge arrangment of flowers and has taken me out for desserts and has been affectionate, etc.
Yes, these things all play with my heart – and promises of a better future. But that ended there, with just promises. And then lies as I see it now because he never broke up with the other girl. That is why I am livid.
I have been seeing a therapist but just a general one. I don’t think I have a problem given how events unfolded. I have been taking all healthy steps and yes, some people may think talking to your ex is not a healthy step, but when someone you love reaches out to you with an apology and promises of “sailing off into the sunset”, it’s hard not to soften up.
He is also one of those “famous” people in a specific music genre and I always bump into his face in the media or at music venues. And he is very handsome. I know it seems little but it’s like pouring acid on a wound.
That’s a little background. As far as what I need to do it is clear.. which is to keep putting one foot after another. I hate, hate, hate, where I am. My heart is consumed. But I believe the more time passes the more vague the memory.