(Closed) Angry.Devastated.Confused.Vent.

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
10713 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would wake him up make him drink some water and see if he’s sobered up at all. He needs water if he’s been puking and he might be able to clean himself up a bit at this point. I wouldn’t clean him up or anything else but I would make sure he’s okay ya know. My DH and I drink a lot but I’ve slowed down and my tolerance is so low now it’s insane. I can drink 4 red bull and vodkas and just start to feel tipsy then all of the sudden I’m half way through my 5th one and I’m wasted and feeling like I’m going to puke out of nowhere. Low tolerance and not knowing the limit can definitely land you in a world of vomit and spinning rooms. I’m sure he was drinking too much too fast or not paying attention and it snuck up on him, it happens to me it happens to my DH we just try and make sure we give each other water to be safe.

Post # 33
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Lots of sympathy to you, this sounds like a disgusting and very upsetting situation. I know everyone makes mistakes and it can be difficult to know your limits if you’re inexperienced but getting to the point of soiling yourself is just ridiculous. In your situation I definitely wouldn’t do much beyond rolling him on his side, closing the door to keep out the dogs, and checking to make sure he was still alive once in awhile. He’s going to be miserable and mortified when he wakes up so at least he should learn some kind of lesson there.

Some people have a much higher tolerance for these shenanigans but to me this would merit a serious talk the next day about responsibility and drinking. My Fiance and I both enjoy drinking but there is a hard line for drunk driving and getting completely messed up. Pretty much everyone has a story of when they puked from not knowing their limits but most don’t make it to the passed out and soiling yourself stage. Hopefully you two can have a productive discussion about behavior in the future and he’ll have gained a greater understanding of his limits. If he feels like knowing his limits/not giving into peer pressure could be a problem for the bachelor party then it might be good to think of a plan for that like prearranging transporation and having him stay elsewhere with the guys afterwards.

Of course as much as I advocate having a serious and calm discussion with him, I also wouldn’t go out of your way to make him comfortable in the morning. That hangover will be 100% deserved and (at least for me) catering to him after all the worry and grossness would just be enraging. At the very least he owes you the cleanest bathroom you’ve ever seen tomorrow.

Post # 34
Member
5107 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you need to put your anger aside and be concerned about his health and protect him, not mad at him. Offer him water as much as he will tolerate, put him on his stomach and ensure he is sleeping there, etc. Take care of him. Let him have it tomorrow. But seriously, I do not think that this is a big deal unless you had a rule against drinking in your relationship or this was a repeated behavior… How is he supposed to know that this isn’t okay if you’ve never said that this kind of thing isn’t acceptable, especially if you guys aren’t big partiers? It happens to all of us. I’d just let it slide and let him know tomorrow or the next day that you wouldn’t be cool with this happening again, which I think is a little..I dunno, overboard, having just come out of a controlling relationship. I think it’s important to let him have these nights every once in a while or you may push him away.

Like a PP said though, some have a higher tolerance for this than others.

Post # 35
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@ChuckNorris:  “How is he supposed to know that this isn’t okay if you’ve never said that this kind of thing isn’t acceptable, especially if you guys aren’t big partiers?”

Uhm…..I’m fairly sure that drinking to the point of shitting your pants is never going to be something that is “OK.”

He over did it.  It does happen, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have every right to be filled with rage at this point.  And tomorrow.  I mean, does OP have a second bathroom?  What if she has to pee?  I would be so beyond pissed.  Majorly not ok.  Ever.

Post # 36
Member
5107 posts
Bee Keeper

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@janetsnakehole:  Shitting his pants? What? I missed that. Either way, I dk, like I said people have different levels of what is considered tolerable. There was several times where my ex DH was so drunk that he was vomiting, once almost left the hotel room in his boxers screaming and I had to physically restrain him, was I ever mad at him? No, I was just concerned for his safety. My point is it doesn’t sound like she has established HER boundaries with him and if she hasn’t done that, how is he supposed to know? Because this behavior would be acceptable in ANY of my relationships every once in a while.

Post # 37
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

I’ve never seen anybody drink to that point before. You have no idea what’s happened to him, for all you know somebody slipped something in his drink. Take a deep breath, take care of your man, and talk it out with him when he’s sobered up.

Post # 38
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@ChuckNorris:  yep, pants shat in.  or so she suspects.

“maya2008 (message)    May 20, 2013  

Wow…well. Let’s put it this way, this really is just like taking care of a child. I deteched a slightly fowl smell and upon investigation discovered something I did not want to find. I don’t even know what to do. I am not changing him.

This just couldn’t get much worse tonight.

ETA: Oh and my dogs busted into the bathroom and started to lick up the puke. I think I am going to be sick.”

I feel like this is less about establishing HER boundaries with drinking and more about HIM overdoing it and not knowing his own limits when it comes to drinking.  Especially since they brought him home at 9:45 PM already covered in vomit and completely out of it.  In the harsh light of morning he will probably agree with that.  If my Fiance got to that point he knows that he won’t hear the end of that for a damn long time.  If you are almost 30 years old and not 20 and you allow yourself to get that way, it’s something I would be pissed about for awhile.  Concerned for his safety, yes.  Pissed that I have to make sure my love doesn’t die drowning in his own vomit, absolutely.  It’s just the fucking worst.  Ugh.  

 

 

 

Post # 39
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@Daffadowndilly:  visit failblog.org, lots of people passed out having shat themselves.  saw one someone posted a link to on fb after st paddy’s day of a girl squating against a building taking a shit.  I just cannot imagine.

Post # 40
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I am so sorry you’re going through this. I can say with certainty, that I would be absolutely livid. That being said, I can’t see myself leaving my husband soiled and alone all night. I encourage you to put your totally justifiable anger aside and help him. I think you’re amazing for checking on him and making sure he’s ok. He’s very lucky to have you, and I’m sure that will dawn on him in the morning. Make it clear how worried you were, and I’m sure this will never happen to you again. Best of luck. 🙂 

Post # 41
Member
5107 posts
Bee Keeper

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@janetsnakehole:  I dk lol we are cut from different cloths and that’s okay! Agree to disagree, right? I have always been the type to take care of whoever needs it at parties, especially boyfriends and my ex DH. I don’t think I have ever gotten upset because they were too drunk, in fact I have always encouraged them to occasionally go out and have a good time once in a while, I’m their DD and I take care of them that night. I’m not grossed out by bodily fluids either…. Spose that’s why I’m going into nursing school.

I feel like from her point of view, yes, this is about him overdoing it and I can totally see your point, but she needs to see things from his point of view, that she needs to establish boundaries to prevent this sort of thing from happening again, and I feel like it’s not fair to be THAT upset with him if she hadn’t done that already, I dk, it’s like getting mad about unwritten rules you know? I dunno.

Who knows! He may just be like I completely f’ed up and I’m sorry. But if she doesn’t take care of him now at least a little bit, like she has, then as his Fiance, I would be upset with her. At your lowest point, you should be able to lean on your SO no matter the circumstance IMO. I dk, that’s just my thoughts on the matter and what I would do.

Post # 42
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

I would really reccomend waking him up and basically hosing him off in the shower, that way you can check and see how disoriented he still is. 

I would definitely be requiring that his bachelor party include a limo service or something, to me this shows that he and his buddies can’t be trusted not to drive or overdo it. 

Post # 43
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@ChuckNorris:  Yeah i’m not saying don’t check on him and make sure he’s ok like she has been, that’s totally necessary.  I’m also not grossed out by bodily fluids, I’ve taken care of many a drunk/sick persons including my Fiance.  But being that effed up was a choice, not because he was sick from the flu or food poisoning.  I am always the person who is the responsible one and takes care of people when they’ve had too much to drink.  I mother the heck out of my friends when they are down and out.  Would they do the same for me?  Of course!  But as an almost 30 year old woman, I know my limits.  I don’t need to have an oral agreement with my Fiance that we do not get drunk to the point of passing out, vomiting on ourselves, or defecating in our pants.  It just isn’t necessary.  That’s not normal behavior.  I agree that this is probably a one time thing and not an issue that they need to worry about in the future but it is totally something that she has a right to be pissed about.  I would not let him get away with that kind of behavior without letting him know just how awful it was to have to see him in that condition and THE WORRY one has about a loved one when they are not coherent. 

We can absolutely agree to disagree on this one.  Not trying to argue or be shitty, just stating my feels on the situation.

Post # 44
Member
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It sounds like most of the anger comes from the worry you felt that he wasn’t home when he said he would be.  Totally understandable and justified.  My vote, and I swear to you this works: don’t let him tell you when he’ll be home.  How many times have we been out with the girls and there’s a wait at the restaurant, no parking, really important conversation, whatever, and you’re late.  Or you want to be late but you begrudgingly cut the night short.  When Fiance tries to tell me what time he’ll be home I shush him up and tell him to just have a good time and come home whenever he’s finished with the guys.  Apparently this statement also makes you “the coolest girl ever”, which is an added bonus 🙂

Post # 45
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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@maya2008:  

It sounds as if he has plenty of good behavior credits saved up and one screw up isn’t the end of the world.  

He’s a lightweight who did a really dumb thing for which he is already paying consequences.

The fact that you are so shocked and this is so out of character makes me think this is a decent guy who made a mistake.

I’d suggest talking with him about it when you cool off and he sobers up.

 

Post # 46
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I would be worried about alcohol poisoning once he defecated on himself. I would wake him up to make sure he doesn’t need medical attention and I might take him to the ER anyway just to be safe since this is out of the norm. People die from alcohol poisoning while their friends let them sleep it off. I would be devastated if I spent hours b*tching about him being drunk while his BAC kept climbing to toxic levels.

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