(Closed) ANGRY/Upset/Frustrated- laying claims to jewelry before someone passes (long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I have no advice, but I am so sorry that you have family like this. A similar thing happened when my great-grandma died. My grandma and one of her daughters went thru and kept ‘claiming’ anything that could have value. My dad and uncle just wanted some of the sentimental pieces that belonged to their grandfather (who they were very close to) and my grandma pretty much ripped an old radio out of my dad’s hands to give to the sister (my aunt).

It was so sad to see family just wanting things due to greed rather than to any sentiment or memories associated with the items. Your aunt and cousins sound like very unpleasant people 🙁

Post # 4
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@Dell79:  The next time you see your grandma…I WOULD bring up the necklace. I’m sure she’d rather it go to someone who will appreciate the history and religion behind it over someone who wants it only for financial reasons.

Post # 5
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yikes! This is awful! I know with my grandparents, they sat everyone down and all of their kids equally got something big and desireable (like the silver, the engagement ring etc.) then the grandkids each got to say what they wanted the most (the oldest grandchild went first).

I think my grandparents (both sides did this) wanted everyone to have something sentimental and then the money will be divided equally.Basically everything that someone wants now has a sticker on the bottom of it with someone’s name on it (I find this morbid but necesary).

That’s awful about your situation! I honestly don’t want anything from my grandparents and wished they would enjoy it more themselves.

Post # 6
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re in this situation. I’m not sure that I have great advice, other than just talking to your grandmother. Feel her out and see if she also seems upset by your aunt and cousin’s behavior. I know my grandmother has practically forced me and my relatives to figure out who gets what after she passes, but that’s because she’s a control freak extroirdinaire. People are different, but I don’t think it’s impolite to bring up something that is bothering you so much. Try not to be angry or judgemental, just say what has hurt your feelings and see how your grandma responds. Good luck!

Post # 9
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Dell79:  Man, I’m really sorry this is happening with your family.  Something similar happened with mine when my Grandmother passed away and it was horrible.  She wanted to go the route that @PinkMagnolia family decided to use (names on things) and to try to make it fun, but one family member wouldn’t do it.  This resulted in accusations of switching the tags on the very limited amount of things that did have names and over a year of fighting.  This person also insisted on complete “fairness” so tea sets and china were spit down the middle, for example (like one person got three cups and the creamer, for example).  There were only 2 people involved, so it was even worse.

I guess what is confusing me is why is your grandmother letting your aunt do this?  If she doesn’t want everything to go to your aunt and cousins, then have a very specific will.  I would be very concerned about her being bullied and this is something that your mom can help her with.

After seeing what happened to my family, I would be completely honest with your grandmother.  Tell her the Jewish star necklace means something to you and you would love to have it.  Or, if you feel really bad about asking that, talk to your mom about it.  You could also take the tack of being worried about your grandma (which you are) and your family could try to help her get a handle on her finances and will herself.  It sounds like your aunt is taking advantage of your grandma and that just isn’t right.

Post # 10
827 posts
Busy bee

I think you should tell your grandmother what you know about these people.  She doesn’t have to give them a damn thing (and she hopefully won’t, once she knows).

Post # 11
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow, this is ugly.  If it were me, I would probably talk to the grandma in a way that didn’t stress her out.  I feel so bad she has to deal with people like that.  She must be intuitive of how they really are and probably doesn’t like confrontation and upset, considering she gave your mom the ring on the sly.  I don’t know much about religion, but maybe you could present the topic of the necklace more focused on the religious side of things and the sentiment of the piece rather than approaching in a way that might start a family battle with grandma in the middle.

Post # 12
99 posts
Worker bee

I’m so late in this post but the same thing sort of happened in my family. My grandma was pretty well off and had a TON of jewelry. She always wore big diamond rings on all of her fingers except for her pinkys and she had this one ring that my grandpa bought her that was about a 3 carat(im guessing, it could be bigger ive never asked) trillion cut diamond ring that was her favorite ring and she adored it so when she passed myaunt who is also competitive louder and aggressive compared to my mom who is soft spoken sweet and not competitive at all (my aunt) snatched the ring up along with her other wedding rings and jewelry and never asked my mom what she wanted. My mom wanted that ring bc of what it meant to my grandma and hoW much she loved it. My aunt took it bc it was a huge diamond and she’s a selfish/greedy person like that in general. Of course my mom never said anything and just let her keep it. I would say something to your grandma bc it kills me when I see my aunt showing that ring off and bragging to people about it. It’s like she has no sentimental attachment to it she just wants everyone to think shes rich. It seriously drives me nuts! So if you know it will bother you speak up now

Post # 13
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I know just how you feel! My family has been picking over my great grandmother’s things for years and she is still healthy! It always drives me insane and I don’t like seeing them do it so I never say I want anything because they are her possestions! Them I got to my aunt’s house and see all of my favorite things sitting around her house because she just took them! I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this to!

Post # 14
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Oh, I hate it when stuff like this happens.  This is only part of the reason why it’s so important for everyone to have a will.

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