(Closed) Animal Lover Needs Advice

posted 8 years ago in Pets
Post # 3
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Does he just not like the cat or is it something specific, like cleaning up after her b/c of fur or whatever?  Is he allergic?

Post # 4
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Frankly there would be no compromising with my pets to the point i’d put them outside. I have two 100% indoor extra fuzzy kitties. They still sleep in our bedroom but prefer not to share a bed with Darling Husband. DH was adamant about how much he HATES cats…now he’s used to them because they leave him alone unless they want some attention and he doesn’t mind petting them.

But the idea of keeping your kitty in a screened in area for all but 2-5 hours a day sounds so sad–your kitty loves YOU and wants to be around YOU. Just a few hours a day is so lonely for kitty. How does this affect your Fiance aside from the sleeping arrangements?

I have a chair in my living room that is “kitty’s chair”. Also i put a blanket over the back of a couch where one of them likes to sit. Those are really the only furniture issues we have–if one of them is sitting in our spot, we just move them.

Unless your cat is vehemently attacking him, scratching him, and freaking out on him, my personal opinion as a cat lover is that he needs to get the eff over it and deal.

Post # 5
Member
3575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh man.  That stinks.  When I met my now husband, I had a dog and I was like…we’re a package deal.  Love us both, accept us both or it’s not gonna happen.  I did this because the guy I dated before my husband took quite some time to warm up to my dog.  And I wasn’t down with that.

I don’t think that’s fair to your cat.  Will he budge at all? 

Post # 6
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

That would not fly with me personally. Love me, love my cats. We’re one unit. Is there a reason why he doesn’t like cats? Has he just not had much exposure to them growing up, allergies, bad experience?

Post # 7
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@ejs4y8: Agreed! If the cat’s not attacking him he needs to get over it. The cat doesn’t have to sleep on the bed, but shouldn’t have to be out in the cold alone all day!

Post # 9
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@tseay: my fiance was against having a cat because he didn’t like them either. I said that I would do all the work (feeding, litterbox, vacuuming up the cat fur weekly, etc) and he could just ignore her. He LOVES her now. Sometimes I come home and I see them playing on the floor together, and she often prefers sitting on his lap. It might take some time, but as long as you have a nice cat, I’m sure he’ll come around. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
9095 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

At times, I think Darling Husband married me for my dogs.

He was the only guy I dated who didn’t just  say he loved dogs, he lived up to it.  Guys would claim to be dog people, then whine when my big people lovers got hair on them.

Early on, Darling Husband brought old clothes to my house & left them there for when he came to see me.  He would change out of his go-to-dinner clothes just so he could play with the dogs & have a grand time.  That pretty much sealed the deal for me.

I couldn’t be with a man who didn’t not only tolerate, but love & appreciate my dogs.

Darling Husband actually went on & on about them to his family at our wedding reception.  He takes great care of them & they adore their “daddy”.

Post # 11
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Sorry but that is a #1 dealbreaker for me. You love me, you love my pets, period. Now.. if I was with a guy who was allergic or for some reason hated pets I guess at MOST i could see myeslf agreeing to not get any more (maybe. big maybe). But existing pets? no way I would keep them locked up. 

Post # 12
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

You need to talk to him.  He needs to compromise b/c he’s being unreasonable.  Maybe close your bedroom door to keep her from going in there; that’s what I do with our bedrooms.  I would not be happy with a man that didn’t accept my animals.  I know that sounds harsh but I love my cats too much.  Thankfully, my Fi is a cat person (he’s terrified of dogs so I’ll oblige him in not getting a dog). Your cat should be able to get on the furniture.  Why does he dislike it?  Her fur, does she claw stuff?  You can always trim her claws.

EDIT: I also have a kitty chair.  All three of my cats take turns laying/sleeping in it.

Post # 13
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I don’t think this would fly at all with me. In fact, I know it wouldn’t. You love your kitty, your kitty loves you. You taught your kitty how to live with you and made her accostomed to a certain lifestyle, and as her parent you are responsible to see that you uphold your end of the bargain as best you can. I may start looking for a new home for her. Really. She deserves to be with the people she loves. You made her a social cat and she’s crying because she’s outside. I think you either tell your Fiance kitty’s life is changing for the better – because you’re equals and his comforts/wants aren’t any more important than yours – or find her a new home with someone who will love her properly.

Post # 14
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

The first thing my husband said to me when he came over to my house the first time, while we were dating, was that he hated cats.  Well I have two that are my children.  I told him, you don’t have to like them just don’t be mean to them.  We moved in together and he has never treated them bad.  We joke now that they are his cats! 

In My Humble Opinion I would let you Fiance know how you feel.  He doesn’t have to like you cat or even pay it any mind but to put you and your cat in the situation that you are in is disrespectful.  He knew you had a cat when he met you, fell in love with you, asked you to marry him.  Did he expect the cat to magically disappear?

Post # 15
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

 Eventually he came around despite his monstrous hate of cats–he was attacked by one as a child. it’s a matter of putting the kabosh on his irrational, unfounded fears.

Your husband doesn’t have to like/cuddle/love on them. He just has to be indifferent! This just makes me so sad!

But i think it’s unfair to your cat =(. Your So has no real reason to have issues being around a cat. When i have people over who are allergic to cats–i always use the lint roller to swipe down furniture and i put them in another room.

You could always start by leaving the screened in porch area as an option–open it up so that kitty can come and go as she pleases. If she likes her area enough, she’ll spend time in there. I often find my cats curled up under my bed, despite the fact that i was in the living room all day. Then when she wants attention, she can have it.  You know, if you got another one, they could play =]. But i realize that’d probably give your SO a heart attack. You aren’t okay with the situation, obviously–you need to tell him it’s not okay.

Post # 16
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I do NOT know what I would do if in this situation.  I love cats even though I don’t have one right now.  Before Fiance and I moved in together, my roommate had a great kitty and I loved her like she was my own.  Fiance ‘sort of’ likes cats but gets annoyed with fur and litter box mess.  We’ve talked about getting one together, but he’s not fully committed yet, so we’re holding off for awhile (at least I hope it’s not forever 🙁 ). 

Anyway, your current set-up just seems to restrictive for your cat.  She must miss you as much as you miss her!  Definitely try to talk to your Fiance about this.  There must be a better compromise than this. 

The topic ‘Animal Lover Needs Advice’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors