(Closed) Anniversary ruined (?) b/c of me & my anxiety. Anything I can do?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2637 posts
Sugar bee

manda21:  aw bummer.

Well he did catch you off guard, but i think i would have been really upset if i had tried to surprise SO with something romantic and have them react that way. Did he expect you to take the day off of work? If so, that is a little unrealistic without giving you a heads up or making any arrangements. He cant expect you to drop everything especially with someone coming to observe you tomorrow. 

If he expected to just celebrate a wondeful night with you when you got off of work – that is a different story. Freaking out about something to wear was unecessary and adding to your already stressful plate. (not like we all haven’t done it though!) Sometimes you have to take a step back and think – is this REALLY a big deal? Look at the bigger picture of what your husband is trying to do for you.

In any case, you are going to have some making up to do. Is it possible for him to come meet you for lunch…since he has the day off? Can you get off early? Perhaps you could run to the hotel room he got and decorate it – or ask the hotel to! I am not sure what your budget is or if you were planning any gifts – but you may want to consider getting him a little something. I hope you guys can salvage the night and enjoy your evening at the hotel. 

Post # 3
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Yeah, that’s a bummer. I don’t know how you two will be able to salvage in such a short time considering the issues you each have. I would make the attempt, though. Maybe when you get home you could approach him and see if he’s still in angry mode or if he’s able to move through that to some kind of negotiation.

In the future, you should set some firm expectations about surprises if they cause you this much stress. 

Post # 5
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I personally do not feel like you “overreacted”…you reacted like you do due to your anxiety. I think he might have had some unrealistic expectations. <br /><br />All in all, I am sorry you are going through this and I hope things work out ….I do not have a bunch of advice or anything but I wanted to say I really do not think you overreated. It is hard when both people have their own social issues. We have to be mindful. <br /><br />My guy has social anxiety and I have body issues but do great once you get me out of the house. So he has to be my cheerleader until we are at whatever event and I have to be his once we are there….otherwise, one of us will freak out. 

Post # 6
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

manda21:  That really sucks.  I can understand your point of view, since you’re going to be observed (possibly the most stressful thing ever).  Right now, I think stepping back and looking at the big picture would be helpful–in 5 years, you will forget all about this week’s work issues, the observation you’re preparing for, shopping for an outfit, etc… but you will remember sweet things (or the attempts) your husband has done for you forever.  I think your hubby here was trying to give you a midweek break…not force you to plan dinner, activities, and sexy lingerie last minute.

What’s done is done, but if you want to give it a try tonight, here’s what I’d do.  Table the “no surprises” discussion for another day.  Write a note to your hubby about all the wonderful things you love about him, as long or short as your schedule allows today.  Pack comfy clothes for tonight–don’t worry about dressing up.  You could even order room service so you don’t have to leave the room at all.  Other possible activities could be ordering a movie on the TV, trading back massages, or chilling in a bubble bath together.  Above all, try to realize your husband’s good intentions, and that you might do even better at work tomorrow after a relaxing evening and good night’s sleep.

Post # 7
1164 posts
Bumble bee

To be honest I think given your anxiety and the fact you’re being observed at work the day after means he should have known this wasn’t a smart idea and that you’d struggle with the suddenness of it.

Post # 9
2258 posts
Buzzing bee

Aww…sounds like just some misunderstandings that turned into something much bigger. First–happy anniversary!! Second, you shouldn’t ever have to apologize for honest feelings. This caused you anxiety and you explained why. Hopefully he’ll get over that and you guys can move past it to have a wonderful night together! 

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