(Closed) Anniversary vow renewal without the vow renewal

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
8966 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

dlewis0312 :  Not wrong, but maybe kinda odd. My thinking is, what’s the point of the pictures, if not to capture a real moment? I totally understand wanting a party and dressing up, but it sounds almost like you’d be faking a ceremony and getting pics of that. What would you be thinking when you look at those pics in a year or 5 or 10? Actually, that could be fun I guess.  Idunno, it’s not hurting anyone, so why not?

Post # 3
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

dlewis0312 :  You’re free to do what you want, but as a guest I’d be a bit confused. I’d reconsider the vow renewal. What if you just said personal vows to each other/an anniversary speech?

I told Darling Husband I will probably want to do a vow renewal sometime in the future. We don’t have a “need” to reaffirm our love and we have a great relationship.

Post # 4
2506 posts
Sugar bee

dlewis0312 :  I think it seems weird to fake a ceremony and ask your guests to be present for…nothing. To me, the point of pictures is to capture and record the events of the day. It’s not like you had a wedding with all these people and the photos got lost so you want to recreate it; instead, you want pictures of an event that never occurred. Doesn’t that strike you as bizarre?

if you want to do an actual vow renewal and making it a meaningful ceremony that you are able to share with your friends and family that you weren’t able to share with them before and get a photographer to capture that, but all means more power to you. In that case you’re documenting something real that actually happened. But faking a ceremony just for pictures is truly bizarre. 

Post # 6
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Honestly I’m pretty unoffendable but I’d be put out if I was close family and missed you getting married, and then I came to an anniversary party where I was posed to pretend like I was present for some vows, but no vows were actually spoken.  In that case I’m just a prop.  I know you don’t believe in vow renewals for you two as a couple, but for your family’s sake I say give ’em a show.  You could do silly vows if you like, you wouldn’t need to get too serious about it, promising to put the toilet seat down and turn off the lights before leaving the room, that kind of thing?

Post # 7
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

dlewis0312 :  are staged photos really going to be meaningful? What will they represent?

Post # 8
4422 posts
Honey bee

dlewis0312 :  Nothing wrong for wanting to throw an anniversary party and hiring a photographer but the ceremony re-enactment for picture purposes and asking guests to dress up and pretend is awkward in my opinion. If you absolutely want something like this captured, can’t you and your husband write letters to each other and read them out loud in front of some guests? It could be about thanking each other through difficult times and your hopes in the future together so the photos will be meaningful. I would imagine that would take only about 10 minutes before you get the party started.

Post # 9
7434 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I wouldn’t be offended by the idea, but I’d think it was pretty weird and I’d have a hard time figuring it out. 6 years isn’t exactly a milestone anniversary so I wouldn’t understand why there was a big fuss, and I wouldn’t really get the whole “anniversary party plus photo shoot” thing. It just seems very disjointed.

Post # 12
1412 posts
Bumble bee

I just don’t get this… You chose an elopement, but instead of doing a vow renewal a few years later, you want to stage a fake ceremony for pictures. 

When you look back at these pictures, are you going to somehow trick yourself or others into thinking that these two days weren’t 6 years apart?? Im just not seeing the purpose. 

Plus, if family members were put out that they missed the first one, they’re probably going to be even more offended that they’re now made to get dressed up for photos for your wedding album, yet weren’t at the wedding/aren’t attending a vow renewal. They are purely props in this situation  

You regret not having thge pictures, your family regrets not hearing vows. Why not accommodate both and do pics AND vows? 

Post # 13
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

dlewis0312 :  I agree. I think the better way to go is to have an anniversary party. There’s nothing wrong with staged photos at an anniversary party (the couple, your family, your partner’s family, etc). I also think there’s nothing wrong with you wearing a special dress and your partner wearing a special suit. I think where it crosses into strange is when you pretend you are re-enacting which didn’t happen.

And when no vows happen, I’d call it an anniversary party, not a vow renewal.

Post # 14
11378 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Do an anniversary shoot! Have a picnic with a cake to celebrate while a photographer catches the moment. Have an anniversary party afterwards. 🙂 Here are some ideas!

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