Post # 16
I think that doing this would be an extremely beautiful gesture. From a guest perspective, I think it would be very well-received. You know your friends, and I assume that you wouldn’t be considering this if your friends wouldn’t be into it–you can always check with them, too!
If this doesn’t work out, another idea for the bouquet would be to do an “anniversary dance” where all the married couples dance, and get called off the floor by how long they have been married. In the end, the couple that is married the longest remains dancing and receives the bouquet. I love seeing these, they are so sweet. 🙂
bumblebug : jellybellynelly : I also had not finished contacting everyone a day after getting engaged
Assuming that the engagement ring is worn to OP’s wedding, everyone at the wedding will know whether there is an announcement or not. People will see the ring, and world will spread quickly after that.
Post # 17
rez123 : MiniMeow :
If the OP’s friend wears the engagement ring to the wedding, the wedding guests who know her will put 2+2 together at the event even without any announcement.
Post # 18
Its a sweet idea, but I also think its a bit weird! Also potentially quite uncomfortable for a number of people…. your husband and some of both your close families may not think its particularly appropriate, and your friends may not want to announce their engagement that way or be a focus of attention on someone else’s big day. I personally would leave it, just let them know privately or ona different ocassion how happy you are for them
Post # 19
It’s sweet and thoughtful coming from you. I agree with those saying to check in beforehand, though.
Post # 20
there’s a huge difference between someone noticing a ring vs getting on a mic and making a speech about it
Post # 21
This is really nice! You could also find a moment to privately give your friend the bouquet, congratulate her, and be like “you’re next!” Without putting her on the spot
Post # 22
There is not necessarily going to be overlap between guests and the friend’s VIPs. And most people won’t be scouting out another person’s finger if that person isn’t bringing attention to it.
Post # 23
My two friends don’t know anyone but the people at their table, who will definitely already know (some of them already know, she’s the one in the dark here.) Announcing it wouldn’t tell anyone they want to tell themselves, but I see the point that is being made here – she might not like the attention (he definitely would, but she’s a little bit of a wild card sometimes. You never know how she’s gonna respond.)
I love the idea of the anniversary dance, but I am replacing that with my parent’s dancing to their wedding song because the next week is their anniversary. My mom mentioned years ago she’d seen that done somewhere and liked it, so I am going to do that for her. She LOVES being the center of attention. Like, really, really loves it.
I am not assigning seats, just tables, so my original plan of putting a congratulations card on her plate isn’t going to work. Originally we were going to try to be there for the proposal and pop out and surprise them (her fiance’s idea) because like I said, she doesn’t really have anyone to celebrate with, but the day before the wedding is going to be crazy where he’s proposing and it’s the 4th of july weekend so we’d be looking at 4 hours of driving to get there and back.
We’re basically her family so I want to do SOMETHING. Otherwise she’ll get engaged and it’ll get swept under the rug and that would be really sad. I could go up to her and congratulate her and give her the extra bouquet, but that doesn’t seem super exciting to me – I guess it’ll have to do for now. The problem is they live on the other side of the country and are coming here for our wedding, so it’s not even like I can plan her a party before she leaves.
Post # 24
Pitchforks away Beth! Nothing to see here! Lmao.
Post # 25
Obviously I know that the guest list might not overlap with the friend’s VIP’s. In my experience though, people notice right away if someone is wearing a new ring on *that* finger, unless the person is purposely hiding it. She’ll be holding wine/champagne glasses, she’ll be eating with her hands, and many people also talk with their hands. Other people do notice.
In terms of information getting out, I don’t think there is a huge difference between people noticing that there is a ring on her finger and someone making a toast. Either way the information is going to get out. In terms of execution, obviously there is a difference.
I assume they’ll tell you that they are engaged right away? In this situation, I would ask the couple what they think right after they tell you that they are get engaged. If you’ll be having a rehearsal dinner (and they are invited), you could even ask them in person. Maybe give the guy a heads up that you’ll be asking something. And just say something simple like “We’ll be making a lot of toasts tomorrow night, and wanted to have a brief toast to the two of you as a newly engaged couple–do you both feel comfortable with that?”
I’m not sure that I would recommend just handing her the extra bouquet… if the girl doesn’t like the attention from a brief toast, she probably won’t like the attention from getting the bouquet either, and that random hand-off seems awkward to me. I think that your intentions are in the right place, though.
Post # 26
it’s a very sweet and generous gesture on your part.
Post # 27
My best friend unexpectedly did this for us at their rehearsal dinner and I thought it was the sweetest thing!
Post # 28
Since he’s involving you in his proposal, I would ask him first. Some people wait to announce major events like an engagement, and you don’t want to inadvertantly steal their thunder or their chance to announce it the way they want to.
Post # 29
In my opinion, with the new information, I think this is perfectly fine and seems very sweet. But I would still checking with them, at the bare minimum check with the guy before the proposal just to make sure.
It sounds like they only know their friends who are at their table and that those people will already know that they are engaged by your wedding day. If the couple doesn’t know rest of the guests and those aren’t people that they would want to tell themselves, then I personally think your plan should most likely be fine in terms of the “telling people” angle. If they don’t know the rest of the guests, it’s not like Guest A can call Couple’s Cousin C before the couple gets to.
As to whether or not they’d like the attention–that’s where asking if it’s okay to do a toast comes in. I think that most people would be fine with something like this*, but there is always the possibility that someone may not be.
*For ex my introvert DH doesn’t like attention and wouldn’t ask for something like this, but would be fine… he is not going to be extremely embarrassed by a 1-2 line toast, and he would appreciate the gesture and thought.
Post # 30
I think that’s super sweet! What a great friend you are 🙂