(Closed) Announcing our engagement didn't exactly go as planned.

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
7424 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Woof, that blows! What a moron your FI’s friend is to blurt it out like that in front of his fam even though you guys told them no one else knows! I’m sure it was an innocent mistake though.

I don’t think y’all did anything wrong. I would just emphasize to the sisters that you were waiting because you wanted to tell them and your fam in person and you’re so sorry they found out the way they did. I think they will eventually get over it. Just a shitty mistake, could happen to anyone. I also told a few close friends (over text message, cause who cares?) before I told my immediate fam. My immediate fam is obviously more important to me, but I wanted to tell them on Facetime rather than in a text, which meant waiting til the next day (we got engaged really late at night). I think they would have been hurt to know they weren’t the first to hear it, but it def doesn’t mean they are less important to me than the friends I told first…all it means is I was dying and had to blurt out the news to someone! Hopefully they will never find out! 

Post # 3
13927 posts
Honey Beekeeper

So sorry this happened to you. I think the only thing you can do is apologize and say it was a mistake and you certainly never meant to happen this way. I’m sure you and Fiance can think of some small thing to say or do to show that you love and care for them. I’m sure it will blow over. 

Otherwise, just consider your story to be  a public service announcement. If one can’t keep a secret a secret, don’t expect that other people will. 

Post # 4
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
timethief:  I second PP. Your FI’s friend should’ve known better than to blurt it out (assuming he knew that you hadn’t told his parents yet). In the end, you can’t please everyone! This is about you and your new Fiance and not about who you told first and when. You tried to make sure to tell them in person at a good moment before making a public annoucement about it and that’s what matters.

When Fiance and I told our families about our engagement, we decided to tell them in person as well. We set up seperate dinners with my parents, his mom, and his dad (his parents are divorced). It just so happened that the way our scheduling worked out, his dad was the last of our parents to know and he said “why am I always the last to know everything?!” 

Anyways, you’ve announced your engagement (even though it didn’t go as planned), now it’s time to celebrate!

Post # 5
6803 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It’s too bad it went down that way, but they’ll get over it.  We also waited to announce our engagement – I was going home a week later and wanted to tell famiy and friends in person.  As happy as they were, both my mother and my best friend indicated they wished I’d just told them immediately (though neither one actually felt ‘hurt’ about it) instead of waiting.  There’s just no telling what some people prefer.  I’d bet his family would still be hurt that you told your own parents first, had it gone as you intended.  You can’t please them all!

Post # 6
1757 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, that’s the problem with secrets: nobody knows how to keep them.

Post # 7
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Oh well, what’s done is done. You meant well, but I can see how the engagement could get leaked like that. Just explain your reasoning for why you held back on the news, and hopefully, they’ll be so thrilled for you that the timing will be less of an issue. 

Post # 8
2594 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’d just explain it more or less as you did here–you wanted to wait to tell them in person, but your mom posted it to FB and so people found out about it before you had a chance to tell them. 


If they want to stay mad about that then they’ve got other issues, frankly. 

Post # 9
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Honestly, I’d be furious with your FI’s friend’s fiancée and would take a bit of a break from the friendship to cool off. Apparently your FI’s friend didn’t communicate to his fiancée that you were waiting to tell your families, but that still wasn’t cool. I’d need some time to get over this. 

As for your families, just continue to explain that you wanted to tell them all in person and apologize profusely. They’ll come around eventually!

Edit: Just re-read and realized that you DID tell the friend’s fiancée that your families didn’t know at the same time that you told the friend. GRR. 

Post # 10
1836 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply

His sisters are very hurt that they weren’t informed first and instead of being happy for us, they are fixating on the fact that my fiance told someone else before he told them. His sister who was with us yesterday seemed absolutely crestfallen about this.

It amazes me how worked up people get over other people’s engagements/wedding stuff. Felling irritated that you weren’t told about your brother’s engagment early on? Sure. I understand that. But “very hurt” and “fixating” on it and “crestfallen”? Kinda ridiculous. 

Post # 11
1321 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply

Let me tell you a story, just to cheer you up. 

When my husband and I found out I was pregnant for the first time, we decided to tell ONLY our parents. I was only about 5 weeks in and obviously didn’t want to have to tell too many people if something went wrong, so I wanted to hold off until after 12weeks to tell more people. 

Within a week, my Mother-In-Law put her foot in it 3 TIMES in public, first while talking with Brother-In-Law and my husband “isn’t this park lovely, we’ll be able to go for walks with the… dog” (they don’t have a dog), so that had to be explained to Brother-In-Law. Then she announced in the room with my father’s girlfriend (who didn’t know) “isn’t it lovely about the baby!” and then the next day with my husband’s grandparents in the room “didn’t I put my foot in it yesterday, mentioning the baby!” I mean seriously woman, I wasn’t even in the room on any of these occasions, so I missed out on being able to announce the news to 4 different people! I’m now 12 weeks and could announce it, but to be honest she’s already told everyone. XD

Thing is, she’s a lovely woman and I’m sure she didn’t mean any harm. I’m upset, but I’m sure she was just overly excited, and now my father makes constant jokes any time we say anything “isn’t public knowledge” now, that if Mother-In-Law knows, EVERYONE knows. 

Post # 12
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My FH’s family also found out…not through us. We were excited about being engaged (two days before Christmas) and were looking forward to seeing them on Christmas and sharing with them then. We didn’t think about how we would tell them, we were just looking forward to spending that time with them and being excited together.

The way we told our family wasn’t important to us (no cute announcement planned or anything like that), but it turns out that it was important to his family (especially his sisters). Your fiance’s family is feeling hurt…tell them you made a mistake, apologize, and know that it will blow over soon enough. Dealing with it right now sucks, but if you apologize and move on, eventually they will, too. 

Post # 13
380 posts
Helper bee

It sucks that your friend’s Fiancee told your secret. Maybe she thought you had already told your family by then? If it really bothers you, you could try talking to her about your feelings or make a joke about it (or have Fiance let his friend now in a “joking” or non harsh way that his fiancee blew up your surprise). 

In any case, please don’t worry. Family always tends to over react with this sort of things (especially if they are very traditional). Maybe you can try doing an engagement party with JUST family to compensate it? Give them some time and share some details about what you’d like your wedding to be like (do not make any serious statements yet) so they still feel included.

I know my engagement announcement was AWFUL! My Father-In-Law decided to post it on HIS facebook literally minutes after we got engaged, and he even tagged my husband (he couldn’t tag me, as I have not added him). However, because of FB’s algorithms, the picture appeared on my wall and EVERYONE of my contact learned that I had just got engaged (even family members I never even planned to invite on my wedding). I was really mad at him, and let him know in the moment. I mean, I hadn’t even told my parents yet, and this man thought it would be nice to announce it publicly. It was terrible because now a lot of people knew they hadn’t been invited to our wedding.

If I could survive something like this, I bet you can survive your announcement 🙂 Good luck and don’t sweat it.

Post # 14
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

My mom told our church on Friday. I was mad. I wanted to wait until my official engagement pictures came out For the announcement. Too bad and too late. I was so mad at her. She couldnt wait 4 weeks. So…. I going to tell you like everyone on this board told me: just get over it. Focus on something else. The people who felt you should have told them first… They need to get over it too. At least you know who the big mouths are! 

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