Post # 1
So, I have to rant. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 5 years and still no ring. We moved in together 2 years ago this summer with the stipulation that I would have a ring within in the first 9 months of us living together. I was against us moving in together before I had a ring, but he had a really rough family life and his parents went through a nasty divorce so I gave in and the happy medium was that I would get a ring soon after the move in. Needless to say, still no ring. And I’m getting snotty, and mean and am being a ultimate pain to be around. I find myself getting moody, and questioning if I want to wait around for him anymore. I know I do want to, and I get over my moodiness eventually. He knows I want us to get married, and I harass him about it all the time which puts stress on our relationship. I had pretty come to grips with the situation before my mom asked me when we were getting married, and why we weren’t engaged yet. Other people ask me it all the time, but it’s different when it comes from your mom. Then to add insult to injury my best friend got engaged after dating a guy for only 8 months in December, and now my brother is planning on proposing to his girlfriend of almost 2 years. I don’t want to give an ultimatum because I won’t end up sticking with it, and I’m scared that just by setting it I’ll push him away. I don’t know what to do, but I’m completely miserable. He knows how I feel, and we’ve discussed it, and he just keeps telling me to be patient. He’d told me before it was because he couldn’t afford a decent ring, but he can afford to buy himself an xbox, and xbox games, and other things he doesn’t need. I don’t get it. And I’m losing my patience which I never had much of in the first place. I’m almost at the point where I want to throw in the towel and I hate feeling this way. I don’t know what to do. Sorry. That was my long horrible rant. I’m just frustrated and I wanted to know if anyone out there felt like me.
Post # 3
did you read mr bee’s ‘engagement plan’. i think you should ASAP. it is probably great advice for you. In the meantime, have you considered moving out? i hate to use the whole ‘why buy the cow’ metaphor, but you’ve said yourself you have no intent on following through with an ultimatum…
ughhh. i know it sucks. ((HUGSS)) hopefully everything will work out and he’s just waiting for the perfect time to surprise you!
Post # 4
Moving out would be a good plan.. Except I own the house we live in. I know if I ask him to move out that will be it. And I don’t think I want it to be the end.
Post # 5
Post # 6
This sounds like the perfect situation to use Mr. Bee’s plan for getting engaged. Don’t give him ultimatums, and don’t bring up marriage all the time. Go and invest in yourself – career, hobbies, time with friends. It sounds like your nagging about the relationship could be a major part of the reason he hasn’t proposed yet.
Post # 7
I would definitely agree with Mrs Morgan. Check out Mr Bee’s 3 step plan and then set a timeline in your head would be my other suggestion. After that date arrives and still no proposal it would be time to give him the “serious talk”
Post # 8
I third and fourth these ladies lol! Use the plan!!!
Post # 9
I also agree with the ladies above. If the plan doesn’t work, then maybe it isn’t meant to be and you will have to make a decision whether or not to continue the way things are now.
Post # 10
I know you are getting impatient and trust me I know how you feel! But I think it’s really important you stop bringing it up. If you’re constantly nagging him for a ring, are you really going to be happy when he proposes? I don’t think I’d want a proposal I forced someone to do, ykwim? Definitely check out Mr. Bee’s plan. Good luck and hang in there.
Post # 11
My 2 cents….
There is nothing wrong with asking him to move out. He will know perfectly well why. You won’t even have to tell him. I think it’s best to say…”I want both of us to be happy and this really isn’t progressing. I think it’s best we move on.” Be quiet after that. Listen to him but don’t be swayed that things will change by what he says. Men are motivated by action. While he is moving out don’t be around! He will either propose a lot sooner, maybe even after he moves out or he won’t at all and you won’t have wasted more time waiting. And again read Mr. Bees post and take care of yourself first!
Post # 12
Oh honey I was in the SAME situation. SAME. We ended up breaking up about a year later after all of the resentment on both our sides blew up when his mother came to visit. That was it. It was shocking, it was heartbreaking, and it was embarassing.
But guess what? I got over it in about three weeks. Once you’re away and you re-enter the real world with all the endless possibiities, you realize how bad it really was.
Post # 13
If you use Mr. Bee’s plan you must set a date for yourself. Otherwise it could be another two years before you realize that he is just never going to propose (although hopefully he does!)
Post # 14
Believe me, if he loves you and wants to be with you forever, he wont want it to be over either. Maybe you should tell him something like…” I love you and we have a great relationship, but I want a little more from a relationship and its obvious that we want different things. I love you and I want you to be happy and have what you are looking for” . See what his response is and how he really feels. But you might need to cut him off. It doesnt do you or him any good if you resent him.
Post # 15
jlripl I have felt the same way as you, i’ve been with my bf for 6.5 years and i’m still not engaged yet, but the difference between you and me is that we did go and pick out a setting together and i know the proposal is coming sometime soon. My point is that i’ve been in your shoes and it does suck. After our 5 year mark i really started talking to him about getting engaged and i would bug him about it all the time. Everyone i new told me to threaten him with a deadline and if he didn’t propose by the deadline then leave, but i couldn’t do that because i new i would never leave him and i thought that was the wrong way going about it. All that would do is stress him out and probably push him farther away from me, but i know alot of people who have given deadlines and its worked. Just hang in tight hopefully he is planning on proposing sometime soon or maybe he is planning something already. I know its really frustrating and 5 years is a lonnnnggg time but i do think he will do it. Maybe you should sit him down and just be calm about it, tell him that he said that you would have a ring on your finger after you guys moved in together and ask why you still have nothing?? I would get so mad a my bf and we would get in big fights about getting engaged because i was ready and he wasn’t. It would ruin my entire night let alone it would cause a huge fight for the rest of the night. Its a hard situation to be in if one person is ready and the other isn’t. I hope you the best luck and i suggest if you love this guy with all your heart stick it out and you will end up with a ring on your finger.
Post # 16
He broke a very serious promise to you about being engaged. I would honestly be very angry.
I really think you should ask him to move out. If you don’t want to actually break up, make it clear to him that you are NOT breaking up, but that you aren’t comfortable living with someone unless you are married to him.
I know you are afraid the relationship will end if you rock the boat too much, but is the relationship worth it if you have to sacrifice your needs to keep it? Just something to think about.