(Closed) Annoyed

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

did you read mr bee’s ‘engagement plan’.  i think you should ASAP.  it is probably great advice for you.  In the meantime, have you considered moving out?  i hate to use the whole ‘why buy the cow’ metaphor, but you’ve said yourself you have no intent on following through with an ultimatum…

ughhh.  i know it sucks.  ((HUGSS))  hopefully everything will work out and he’s just waiting for the perfect time to surprise you! 

Post # 6
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

This sounds like the perfect situation to use Mr. Bee’s plan for getting engaged. Don’t give him ultimatums, and don’t bring up marriage all the time. Go and invest in yourself – career, hobbies, time with friends. It sounds like your nagging about the relationship could be a major part of the reason he hasn’t proposed yet. 

Post # 7
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would definitely agree with Mrs Morgan. Check out Mr Bee’s 3 step plan and then set a timeline in your head would be my other suggestion. After that date arrives and still no proposal it would be time to give him the “serious talk”

Post # 8
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

I third and fourth these ladies lol! Use the plan!!!

Post # 9
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I also agree with the ladies above. If the plan doesn’t work, then maybe it isn’t meant to be and you will have to make a decision whether or not to continue the way things are now.

Post # 10
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

I know you are getting impatient and trust me I know how you feel!  But I think it’s really important you stop bringing it up.  If you’re constantly nagging him for a ring, are you really going to be happy when he proposes?  I don’t think I’d want a proposal I forced someone to do, ykwim?  Definitely check out Mr. Bee’s plan.  Good luck and hang in there.

Post # 11
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee

My 2 cents….

There is nothing wrong with asking him to move out.  He will know perfectly well why.  You won’t even have to tell him.  I think it’s best to say…”I want both of us to be happy and this really isn’t progressing.  I think it’s best we move on.” Be quiet after that.  Listen to him but don’t be swayed that things will change by what he says.  Men are motivated by action.  While he is moving out don’t be around!  He will either propose a lot sooner, maybe even after he moves out or he won’t at all and you won’t have wasted more time waiting.  And again read Mr. Bees post and take care of yourself first! 

 

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
381 posts
Helper bee

Oh honey I was in the SAME situation.  SAME.  We ended up breaking up about a year later after all of the resentment on both our sides blew up when his mother came to visit.  That was it.  It was shocking, it was heartbreaking, and it was embarassing.

 

But guess what?  I got over it in about three weeks.  Once you’re away and you re-enter the real world with all the endless possibiities, you realize how bad it really was.

Please consider.

Post # 13
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

If you use Mr. Bee’s plan you must set a date for yourself.   Otherwise it could be another two years before you realize that he is just never going to propose (although hopefully he does!)

Post # 14
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Believe me, if he loves you and wants to be with you forever, he wont want it to be over either. Maybe you should tell him something like…” I love you and we have a great relationship, but I want a little more from a relationship and its obvious that we want different things.  I love you and I want you to  be happy and have what you are looking for” . See what his response is and how he really feels. But you might need to cut him off. It doesnt do you or him any good if you resent him.

Post # 15
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

jlripl I have felt the same way as you, i’ve been with my bf for 6.5 years and i’m still not engaged yet, but the difference between you and me is that we did go and pick out a setting together and i know the proposal is coming sometime soon. My point is that i’ve been in your shoes and it does suck. After our 5 year mark i really started talking to him about getting engaged and i would bug him about it all the time. Everyone i new told me to threaten him with a deadline and if he didn’t propose by the deadline then leave, but i couldn’t do that because i new i would never leave him and i thought that was the wrong way going about it. All that would do is stress him out and probably push him farther away from me, but i know alot of people who have given deadlines and its worked. Just hang in tight hopefully he is planning on proposing sometime soon or maybe he is planning something already. I know its really frustrating and 5 years is a lonnnnggg time but i do think he will do it. Maybe you should sit him down and just be calm about it, tell him that he said that you would have a ring on your finger after you guys moved in together and ask why you still have nothing?? I would get so mad a my bf and we would get in big fights about getting engaged because i was ready and he wasn’t. It would ruin my entire night let alone it would cause a huge fight for the rest of the night. Its a hard situation to be in if one person is ready and the other isn’t. I hope you the best luck and i suggest if you love this guy with all your heart stick it out and you will end up with a ring on your finger.

Post # 16
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

He broke a very serious promise to you about being engaged.  I would honestly be very angry.

I really think you should ask him to move out.  If you don’t want to actually break up, make it clear to him that you are NOT breaking up, but that you aren’t comfortable living with someone unless you are married to him.

I know you are afraid the relationship will end if you rock the boat too much, but is the relationship worth it if you have to sacrifice your needs to keep it?  Just something to think about.

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