Post # 1
My sister is my maid of honor. She’s recently married and I was her MOH last year. Her husband (my BIL)’s birthday is the day before my wedding. They have this tradition of doing this thing (it’s called grass drags, don’t really know what that means) every year for the weekend of his birthday. He is upset that he’s missing it for my wedding.
So recently I have been trying to figure out what to do the day before my wedding (Saturday). Our rehearsal is on Friday. I wanted to get together with my BMs, get a mani/pedi and have a nice dinner with them. FI and I are not spending the night together so I want to do something other than spending the night alone in my apt.
My sister told me she’s not going to be able to come with us. I’m trying to be understanding because it’s her DH’s birthday and this is their yearly tradition. But my wedding weekend only happens once and I have not asked much from anyone through this whole process. I don’t understand why they can’t move it to another weekend. I certainly missed plenty of important things last year as her MOH!
Anyway, I’m sort of just venting. Any advice? I know I can’t make everyone happy and it’s hard to coordinate everyone’s schedules so I’m just working with what I have. Do I have a right to be upset?
Post # 3
I say you have the right to be upset, but that could just be me bc the EXACT same thing is happening to me…weird!
People have suggested to me to just leave it alone and hopefull they will come around. If you sister is anything like mine though, she wont….so honestly…i should not have posted bc i dont have an answer! *laugh*
Post # 4
I’d try to coordinate with her and explain that you understand that its her DH birthday but that you’d also like to be able to spend time with your MOH on the day before your wedding. Maybe you can split it up so that she spends half the day with you and half the day with him.
Post # 5
I’m on her side on this one. A mani-pedi may be fun but I wouldn’t miss my husband’s birthday for it. Can you go for brunch together in the morning?
Post # 6
@Mrs.KMM: I think she thinks she’s “compromising” by offering to get together on Friday (day of rehearsal), but I don’t want to get my manicure that early because it always chips. I asked her what time worked best for her, because I’m very open about having a morning mani/pedi then brunch, or having an evening mani/pedi then dinner. Nope, Sunday is “my day” and Saturday is “DH’s day”.
I hope she will come around once I start planning it. I just don’t know if I’m expecting too much of them by asking to spend time with them Friday night (rehearsal), Saturday (mani/pedi & dinner) and Sunday (wedding). I don’t want to monopolize their weekend but I also want to have a fun wedding weekend.
Post # 7
I picked my date to avoid birthdays, so your sister could have the same thoughts as you (“She could have picked any weekend for her wedding, but she had to pick DH’s birthday weekend”)
Are you not doing a rehearsal dinner with everyone?
I’m not doing anything specifically with my girls the day before, but I am planning on having a nice spread and champagne for the morning of the wedding as a nice way to spend time together, relax, and get ready.
Post # 8
You have a right to be upset that she may not be there the day before your wedding, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have a right to spend her day celebrating her DH birthday. You chose to miss out on things when you were her BM, that does not mean she has to do the same for you. If you want to do something with your girls the night before plan an old school slumber party and let your sister know that she is wlecomed to attend whatever part of it she can and that you know she wants to spend the day with her DH, but that you hope she can come by for a few minutes to spend with you.
Post # 9
i would talk to her and see if you can get a compromise. it’s his birthday and they’re already not participating in his family’s tradition for your wedding. can you have a slumber party with your other bridesmaids?
Post # 10
If she’s attending your rehearsal and rehearsal dinner on Friday and spending the wedding day with you on Sunday, I think you need to let her off the hook for Saturday. I think it is totally reasonable and understandable that she wants to spend her husband’s birthday with her husband.
Post # 11
I’m inclined to let this slide. I might have the wrong impression on some things. So maybe you can clarify.
1. Just because you are having your wedding on Sunday, doesn’t mean your BMs have to be roped into doing what you want to do all weekend (F, Sa, Su).
2. I like the idea of you and FI spending the night before the wedding apart. But not wanting to spend the night alone, also shouldn’t dictate that your BMs have to spend the night. I think a slumber party is great. But even if there wasn’t a SO’s b-day, I wouldn’t make big expectations to have the Bms sleep over. Some ppl don’t sleep well in other places, or on the floor or couch etc.
3. Is there a good reason why you chose the weekend of your BIL’s birthday? I’m not saying that is terrible. But if I was your sister, I might be more understanding of the date, if it was somehow the only convenient weekend for you. If you selected this date, when there were a good selection of other dates, I wouldn’t be as accommodating.
Post # 12
i think you should cut her some slack – yes its your day.. but its just that, your DAY not weekend.
it hurts, but its not like you didnt know it was her husband’s birthday.
think about it this way, would you forego your new husband’s birthday ritual that you probably have been doing for a while for a mani-pedi? husband comes first….*shrugs*
Post # 13
Actually I didn’t know it was her husband’s birthday because when we booked the date two years ago, he was her boyfriend and they hadn’t been dating long. She didn’t bring it up, I didn’t ask. I actually just found out it was his birthday weekend last month lol. She’s never celebrated it as a group before.
I don’t really like the idea of a slumber party. I like to sleep in my bed and many of my friends have husbands, boyfriends or fiances, or even children that they need to get home to. I am very understanding of that. I just wanted someone to hang out with the evening before the wedding.
I talked it over with her and I think we’re going to try to get together on Friday so Saturday everyone is off the hook for wedding related things. Like I said before, I never wanted to monopolize the weekend. I HATE the term “wedding weekend” because it implies everything revolves around the wedding. It will just take a bit of finagling to schedule appropriately.
Thank you for the perspective and advice!
Post # 14
This is slightly off-topic but you mentioned that you didn’t want to get your nails done on Friday because they always chip. I never get manicures for the same reason, but recently got a new type of manicure called OPI Axxium gel manicure. It lasted for a full month without chipping (no exaggeration) and didn’t ruin my nails when I got it removed. I’d look into seeing if any of the salons near you do this type of manicure so you can get it done with your sister on Friday. It’s a bit more expensive (probably +$40) but I got mine in NYC so that estimation might be a bit high. I think its worth the money, especially for your wedding, since it will definitely last through your wedding weekend and honeymoon.
This is slightly off-topic but just a suggestion. What about spending the night with your parents? I don’t know what type of relationship you have with them, but they could be very emotional over “giving” their girl away so it might be special to spend the night with them since you will be so busy the day of, that way you have some real quality time with them.