(Closed) Annoyed

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i think you are being too sensitive and overreacting.

she is your matron of honor… that means she helps out at the wedding and she plans/helps out at the shower and/or bachelorette.

and she is probably aware that her opinions are not the important ones and is being conservative so that she doesn’t accidentally sway you one way or another. 

comparing the attention needed for a breakup to a the attention needed for a diy project is a little extreme…

Post # 4
Member
4371 posts
Honey bee

I think you’re reading a little much into her text. 

Post # 6
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@CTBride2016:  I posted on here a few months ago about a very similar situation with my Maid/Matron of Honor…now a FORMER bff and just a bridesmaid.  Bumping her down to Bridesmaid or Best Man status was probably the smartest thing I ever did because it started out with simple lack of enthusiasm and over the course of a couple of months, it turned into flat-out ignoring me.  Some people get weird or jealous about weddings and there’s nothing you can do about it.

That said, don’t judge her yet, because I think it’s too soon.  You never know, she might have had an off day and took it out on you.  I hear what you’re saying about her being selfish, but you made her Maid/Matron of Honor, and I think you should give her more of a chance to get involved.  I think you should keep trying to ask for opinions, and try to have her make some kind of solid plans to help you (e.g. “could you go with me to shop for wedding dresses next month?”)  See what happens, and if you’re consistently seeing a negative pattern with her up to about 6 months before the wedding, cut her loose and appoint someone who IS attentive and supportive of you 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

Sounds like a lot more is going on then what you posted for you to be steamed. 
I would take a deep breath and wait a day or two. You’ll feel better then 🙂
Make a list of what you expect from your Maid/Matron of Honor and give it to her. Let her decide if she is up to the task of being the Maid/Matron of Honor with your clear expectations. 
Remember: while the wedding is the greatest thing in the world to you, everyone else has other things going on in there lives. Try not to talk strickly wedding with your Maid/Matron of Honor. Let a few phone calls/ get together finish without you mentioning your wedding or Fiance. You don;t want your Maid/Matron of Honor to be sick of hearing about your wedding or you’ll always get, “its nice” answers (or worse)
Good Luck 😀

Post # 8
Member
8438 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Friendship isn’t tit for tat. Keeping score to me means you are the one not being a good friend.

Is it disappointing when someone doesn’t live up to your expectations, of course but the thing is that these are your expectations and not her’s.

It is also very unfair to compalin about her because:

1. You made her your Maid/Matron of Honor. It doesn’t matter what she assumed, if you didn’t want her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor then you should have said so at the time.

2. You knew what her personality traits were when you agreed to her being your Maid/Matron of Honor. It is unfair to compalin about a known quantity. Did you expect her to magically change her personality just because you got engaged? I’m sorry  people just don’t work that way. 

I think you need to lower your expectations of your friend to make them more in line with what you know from experience to expect from her.

 

Post # 9
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@CTBride2016:  I personally think you need to relax and lower your expectations.

 

To me the Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaids are there to stand up with you on your big day. They should just simply be people that hold a special place in you or your Fiance heart’s.

 

 

 

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