Post # 1
Argh. I’m really annoyed right now and know its silly and petty but I need to rant and need the bees to talk me down.
So, Boyfriend or Best Friend and I went from LDR to living together in a completely new city (read, neither of us have very many friends here). Boyfriend or Best Friend is currently unemployed, which is putting a lot of stress on us anyway. I work 8 – 6 M-F (sometimes later depending on what’s going on in the office) and so I’m often exhausted when I get home and so often fall asleep before he and I can get intimate, so we’ve only been intimate once or twice a week lately which is not good!
So today I sent him a flirty email and ended it with “can’t wait to see you tonight ;-)” and so within the hour I get a forwarded email for some event his friend from college who happens to live here invited him to, saying “I’m going to this tonight.” No invite for me (even though everyone there besides this one friend will be people he doesn’t know either so its not like he’s going to hang out with his buds) and he doesn’t even wait 10 extra minutes for me to get home before he left. So I come home to an empty apartment hoping he maybe left me a cute note, SOMETHING and there’s nothing. And I am really annoyed and upset.
Yes, I realize we need time to ourselves but seriously this annoys the shit out me and I am PISSED at him. argh.
Post # 3
Let it go, love. If you blow up the minute he comes in it’ll become something far bigger than it is now. Then tomorrow or so quiz him about it. Did he not think you’d get on with this friend? Did he feel he needed some guy time, and this event was just sprung on him? I mean, I think guys generally have a harder time adjusting to unemployment than women. He was rude about it, but maybe him goin’ out gallivanting for the night was better than him getting all snarky with you!
Of course, you could play it sly, tell him in plenty detail what he missed..)
Post # 4
I’m sorry! It really sounds like a crossed communication line. He probably figured that you wouldn’t mind, but you should talk to him later when you aren’t upset and set guidelines about when you two will spend time together.
Post # 5
It can be really hard when you work & he doesn’t. This happened to my husband & I we’ve only been married almost a month & he didn’t have a job & I did. To most guys, just the fact that you have a job & he doesn’t gets to them because guys usually feel the need to provide for their SO. He probably feels pretty bad about himself not having a job & you probably get frustrated because you work all day & he has all day to hang out with his friends but he hangs out with them AFTER you’re off work. I understand, it can be really frustrating. But sometimes his friends work when I work so he can’t spend time with them til later in the evening.
What works best is to talk about how often you’ll spend alone nights together & how often you’ll spend out with friends. He was probably anticipating tonight would not be very intamite since that’s how things have become recently & thought a guy’s night would be fun. He’s probably also trying to make new friends, so its awesome he got invited to something. Hopefully next time they hang out, its not a guy’s only thing & you can meet them & have fun hanging out too. As far as intimate time, maybe go to sleep earlier at night, that way the next day won’t wear you out as much so you can be awake after work cause you’ll have gotten enough sleep the night before.
Don’t let yourself get too upset over it. Enjoy a night on your own, do fun things that you maybe haven’t had the time for recently. Don’t spend all your free time with your SO, enjoy your other friends & other hobbies. Plus, guys like it when girls have things they do & friends to hang out with outside of their relationship.
Post # 6
Haha yes, do something I enjoy like watch Secret Life of the American Teenager and hang out on Wedding Bee…both things Boyfriend or Best Friend rolls his eyes at. Sigh, I just wish even if he wants to go out he acknowledges me a bit — leaves me a cute note or text or something, sigh.
Post # 7
This happens to us and I get upset..except we both have jobs but opposite work schedules 🙁
I think serabell gave really good advice!
Post # 8
does he realise you’re lonely? I mean, does he think cos you’re out working all day, that you’re finding your new home easy?
Post # 9
Did you have a fun night? Did he make friends?
You can tell him that you like notes & such, does he usually do that? Have you ever heard of the 5 love languages? Its really helped me & a lot of couples I know to know how their SO shows & receives feeling loved. There’s a book & there’s also an online quiz… the book goes much more in detail. The quiz is here:
Is he still looking for jobs? He may need encouragement, cause after months of my husband not getting hired he started to feel really down on himself. He would keep looking for jobs, but when you’re discouraged & don’t have much confidence, any encouragement really helps. My husband just got a job a few days ago & things have changed for us tremendously (in good ways!). You can try looking on craigslist for jobs for him. On my lunch breaks at work, I would go on craigslist & print or email job listings that my husband would be good at & he liked that I was helping him.
Also, once you guys are financially stable, you may want to consider switching jobs. If its a matter of you not getting enough sleep, that’s different… but if its cause your job is so draining that you can barely stay awake after it, finding a new job may be very healthy for you!
@beekiss – thank you :)!! & hopefully one of you guys can switch to different hours, or find another job soonish. The job my husband got starts right on my lunchbreak & he works until late at night (like an hour before bedtime). So now I’m kinda in your spot too. Do you guys get the same days off at least? How do you spend time together when you work opposite schedules, what helps?
Post # 10
I would be terribly annoyed too. Especially if he is usually the “note leaver” type and today, he neglected that one thing that would have made this a bit better – leaving a note !
I know what I would do but a poster, above, came up with a brilliant idea…play coy and let him know what he missed ! When he tries to get it on with you, you sweetly say you are tired and too bad you have to work in the morning, but ………. “next time honey, good night”
Oops, your OP was 20 hours ago. What happened?