(Closed) Annoyed at BF, need the Bees to talk me down before he gets home!!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Let it go, love. If you blow up the minute he comes in it’ll become something far bigger than it is now. Then tomorrow or so quiz him about it. Did he not think you’d get on with this friend? Did he feel he needed some guy time, and this event was just sprung on him? I mean, I think guys generally have a harder time adjusting to unemployment than women. He was rude about it, but maybe him goin’ out gallivanting for the night was better than him getting all snarky with you!

Of course, you could play it sly, tell him in plenty detail what he missed..)

Post # 4
Hostess
18615 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry!  It really sounds like a crossed communication line.  He probably figured that you wouldn’t mind, but you should talk to him later when you aren’t upset and set guidelines about when you two will spend time together.

Post # 5
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It can be really hard when you work & he doesn’t. This happened to my husband & I we’ve only been married almost a month & he didn’t have a job & I did. To most guys, just the fact that you have a job & he doesn’t gets to them because guys usually feel the need to provide for their SO. He probably feels pretty bad about himself not having a job & you probably get frustrated because you work all day & he has all day to hang out with his friends but he hangs out with them AFTER you’re off work. I understand, it can be really frustrating. But sometimes his friends work when I work so he can’t spend time with them til later in the evening.

What works best is to talk about how often you’ll spend alone nights together & how often you’ll spend out with friends. He was probably anticipating tonight would not be very intamite since that’s how things have become recently & thought a guy’s night would be fun. He’s probably also trying to make new friends, so its awesome he got invited to something. Hopefully next time they hang out, its not a guy’s only thing & you can meet them & have fun hanging out too. As far as intimate time, maybe go to sleep earlier at night, that way the next day won’t wear you out as much so you can be awake after work cause you’ll have gotten enough sleep the night before.

Don’t let yourself get too upset over it. Enjoy a night on your own, do fun things that you maybe haven’t had the time for recently. Don’t spend all your free time with your SO, enjoy your other friends & other hobbies. Plus, guys like it when girls have things they do & friends to hang out with outside of their relationship.

Post # 7
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

This happens to us and I get upset..except we both have jobs but opposite work schedules 🙁

I think serabell gave really good advice!

Post # 8
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

does he realise you’re lonely? I mean, does he think cos you’re out working all day, that you’re finding your new home easy?

Post # 9
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Did you have a fun night? Did he make friends?

You can tell him that you like notes & such, does he usually do that? Have you ever heard of the 5 love languages? Its really helped me & a lot of couples I know to know how their SO shows & receives feeling loved. There’s a book & there’s also an online quiz… the book goes much more in detail. The quiz is here:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

Is he still looking for jobs? He may need encouragement, cause after months of my husband not getting hired he started to feel really down on himself. He would keep looking for jobs, but when you’re discouraged & don’t have much confidence, any encouragement really helps. My husband just got a job a few days ago & things have changed for us tremendously (in good ways!). You can try looking on craigslist for jobs for him. On my lunch breaks at work, I would go on craigslist & print or email job listings that my husband would be good at & he liked that I was helping him.

Also, once you guys are financially stable, you may want to consider switching jobs. If its a matter of you not getting enough sleep, that’s different… but if its cause your job is so draining that you can barely stay awake after it, finding a new job may be very healthy for you!

 

@beekiss – thank you :)!! & hopefully one of you guys can switch to different hours, or find another job soonish. The job my husband got starts right on my lunchbreak & he works until late at night (like an hour before bedtime). So now I’m kinda in your spot too. Do you guys get the same days off at least? How do you spend time together when you work opposite schedules, what helps?

Post # 10
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would be terribly annoyed too. Especially if he is usually the “note leaver” type and today, he neglected that one thing that would have made this a bit better – leaving a note !

I know what I would do but a poster, above, came up with a brilliant idea…play coy and let him know what he missed ! When he tries to get it on with you, you sweetly say you are tired and too bad you have to work in the morning, but ………. “next time honey, good night”

Oops, your OP was 20 hours ago. What happened?

 

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