(Closed) Annoyed BIL backed out of the wedding (VENT)

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I simply cannot wrap my head around how your sister is OK with this –> “well, (BIL) just doesn’t value family much, it just not relationships that hold much meaning for him.” 

Sorry to hear it. 🙁  

Post # 4
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I know this is a vent but I’m thinking of this from the perspective of what a relief that some a**hole won’t be at your wedding!!!

Post # 5
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree, just be happy he won’t be there because he very well could spent the entire time making fun of France & the French. When I visited Paris with friends years ago 2 of them hated it, they just sat around bashing the country, people, food, everything. It was ridiculous and embarassing. 

I know it’s hard because you want that relationship but I think he’s made it clear that he doesn’t care. 

Post # 7
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i would have thought you would be glad hes not coming to be honest – hes the type of person that goes to another country and then complains about the food and people not speaking english

“I just dont like Paris”… hes never been to Paris or France

*facepalm*   and to think, he might breed!

Post # 8
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

UGH. So very rude. I’m so sorry. My SIL (who I’ve known since she was 13 – I consider her more like an actual sister since I basically watched her grow up) has chosen someone similar. This person hates me and Darling Husband, for some unknown reason. Has gone as far as unadding us then readding us on facebook as “friends.” It is ridiculous grown adults can be this immature!!

Post # 9
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

When I started reading this I felt a sense of relief for you that this ignorant ass won’t be at your wedding and won’t have an opportunity to embarrass you or your family.  It seems that you felt that as well so I would just focus on that feeling.  It’s probably for the best to not have this negative person around before your wedding and on the day off.

It boggels my mind that your sister chose this person, who clearly does not value anyone else, as her life partner.  Speaking from experience, as someone who has a horrendous BIL, you will drive yourself crazy if you continue to try to have a relationship with him or expect any sort of civility from him.

I have saved myself much frustration and tears by pretending my BIL just doesn’t exist, expecting absolutely nothing from him and never going out of my way for him.  It took me some time to get to that point, but once I did, there was so much relief.  I would say focus on your relationship with your sister, but don’t factor her husband into the relationship with her or your family.

(email/PM me if you want to talk more about it).

Post # 10
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Is your sister still coming?

Post # 11
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Au Jardin:  OMG I am marrying a Frenchman too! I definitely understand your pain. The trip is super far and you want your immediate (siblings, sibling in-laws, parents, nieces and nephews) family there.  I can understand how that is painful to you.  I am in a similar situation where my mother in law is saying she won’t come to the US despite the fact that we’re buying her ticket.  Some people are really ignorant about the unknown.  You need to put the burden on your sister to get her husband to come.  This should not be ok to her.  She’s essentially allowing him to be disrepectful  You are probably stressed enough.  I know I’m there.  You don’t have time to worry about him being ignorant and selfish.  This is not an event that happens all the time.  Good luck!

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