Post # 1
a friend of mine is planning a wedding that is “black tie” (not “black tie optional”). i believe that every bride deserves to have the wedding she’s always wanted (im currently planning my own dream wedding) but this has me very very irritated. I happen to have a formal dress and if I didn’t a lot of womens dresses can be dressed up enough. However, I think its inconsiderate to expect all the men to rent tuxedos. Or if you do, you should expect less of a gift. I am more than happy to spend the money it costs to attend someones wedding but I think expecting people to rent tuxedos is unreasonable. am i being a b*tch?
Post # 3
Usually at black tie, guys can get away with a black suit, too. But, it’s her wedding. I don’t think it’s unreasonable, but I grew up in a very black-tie event atmosphere, and Fiance owns his own tux because he’s needed one so often, as do most of his male friends.
Post # 4
@bride8675: I think your feelings are reasonable. This is why I had a “black-tie optional” wedding. Our male guests who owned their own tuxedos had an opportunity to wear them, and the rest of the men were able to wear suits. As lovely as I’m sure a true, black-tie wedding would be, such a stipulation would have presented a definite, financial hardship for some of our family and friends. I, personally, would not have wanted someone to feel compelled to decline our invitation simply because he or she did not have the requisite attire.
Post # 5
I think it depends on your social group.
For my family and friends it was black-tie optional as I knew that not everyone would have a tux or even be comfortable wearing one. There was a couple (long time family friends) that didn’t think they were going to be able to attend because they couldn’t afford to rent a tux thinking that it was required. Leaving it optional alleviates those types of situations.
Post # 6
I think you’re being unreasonable – its the guests choice whether to attend or not. The bride and groom want a formal event, so if a guest doesnt have the appropriate clothes and doesnt want to rent them then they need to decline..
Post # 7
I don’t think it is unreasonable. Many women buy new dresses and shoes for social events, but the men get to wear the same suit and shoes every time.
In the big picture, renting a tux isn’t that big of a deal to me. If it means your budget can only handle a less expensive wedding gift, so be it.
He can buy a tuxedo from http://www.studiosuits.com or http://www.overstock.com for about the same as a rental, then this won’t be an issue again.
Post # 8
I suppose its a little annoying, but aren’t formal black suits fine for black tie? (Forgive me if I am wrong). I think every man really should own a suit that is formal enough for the few black tie events he has in his life.
Post # 9
I can see being annoyed. Fiance doesn’t have a tux – if he bought one he’d likely never wear it again.
and I can’t see declining an invitation due to clothing requirements – so he’d be forced to get one.
x Regretfully decline (didn’t want to rent a tux) looks sad
Post # 10
@jessitaylor: I sort of agree with you.
While yes, it’s mildly annoying, it’s not your wedding. And she can request her wedding to be black tie if she wants to. My thought is, if you don’t want to spend the money on renting a tux or going out to get the appropriate attire, then you should decline the invite.
Post # 11
i dont think its unreasonable at all, she wants black tie, why shouldnt she have one? I mean men can just wear a black suit, its not that much of an effort
Post # 12
I was also under the impression that black tie can mean black suit. With that said, it depends on the wedding. I don’t think it’s out of the ordinary for someone to request appropriate attire for a formal wedding. You wouldn’t wear a sun-dress to a ballroom, just like you wouldn’t wear a fancy cocktail dress to a backyard bbq.
Post # 13
I don’t think it’s unreasonable, but I do see how it’s a little annoying. Maybe it’s bad, but it would definitely influence my decision to go somewhat. If it was a not-so-close friend/family member, I would be less likely to attend because of the added expense/hassle. If it were a close couple, I would definitely do it for them though. Personally, I would make my event black tie optional because, like PP said, I wouldn’t want someone to decide not to attend based on this.
Post # 14
I’m confused – I thought Black Tie required a tux? Black Tie Optional was black suit?
Post # 15
I would lump this request in with things like “Adults Only”. It is the couples choice to choose how their wedding to be, and the guests to choose if they want to attend based on the constraints.
I’m wondering too, is black tie tuxes only? No formal suits?
Post # 16
I’m having a black tie wedding and am totally fine with people showing up in dark suits. The only reason I didn’t put black tie requested was because I didn’t want people to show up in khakis. If he has a dark suit just have him wear that – trust me, I’ve been to a number of black tie weddings and half the people are in dark suits.