(Closed) Annoyed by cheap friends–vent

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@hilsy85: I would feel the exact same way. I had a friend visit me for 10 days and she had very little money- but she brought me a beautifully written card, a copy of one of her comics, and a bottle of wine.

The gesture meant a lot to me. I would never expect anything expensive, but I was raised to believe that a guest should always offer something, however modest.

Post # 4
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Your right, its not polite on their end. And again, your right, there isnt much you can do now.

Just know in the future if you invite them along ask them to bring a few bottles of wine, or to host dinner one night. That way they chose how much they pay for those items even if its Hamburger Helper and boxed wine.

Some people just dont “get it” as what is polite. To bring a hostess gift at the minimum. However, you were the host and offered no other suggestions so they correctly assumed you would supply all the essentials.

Post # 6
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@hilsy85: Your anger is totally understandable. When guests act like that it makes you feel like youre being taken advantage of.

It’s a very difficult decision trying to decide whether youd confront them, or ask them to bring something…I mean- you shouldn’t have to ask them, and it also feels rude to do so.

Since they are really good friends of yours, have they ever acted like this before? Do they have a history of this kind of rude behavior?

Post # 7
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

No you have every right to be annoyed. That would annoy me as well. Even if you were planning on paying for everything all along, an offer would have been nice. It’s the thought that counts!

I have cheap friends too. My one Bridesmaid or Best Man, who makes the most money out of all of us, was told that the budget for a gift basket for the shower is $20. My sister told her that they all would get together in August to put the baskets together. My Bridesmaid or Best Man says “is that Ok if we do it at the end of August? My student loan payment is due at the beginnign of the month and so I’d prefer to do it after my loan payment”….really?!?! people kill me

 

Post # 9
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I read the original post and laughed to myself because I have totally done that before!  I am not cheap but sometimes things do get lost in translation.  Last year, I stayed with a friend for 4 days when I was in town for her baby shower and now that I think of it, I didn’t offer to pay for anything.  Perhaps I’m just rude but I am not cheap.  I wouldn’t have minded if she asked me, but it just didn’t occur to me!  We went out to eat plenty of times and I paid my way and we ordered in once or twice and I didn’t pay. 

I agree with PPs next time just throw it out there, they may just be clueless as to how you are feeling. 

Post # 10
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeah i would be annoyed too. I think its nice to atleast offer to buy the groceries for one meal or one day… but some people act a bit dense when it comes to money

Post # 11
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@hilsy85: I mean…some parents really do not teach their children manners.

Sorry you had to go through all that, I’ve had really awful guests before (living in Greece I get a lot of visitors pretty often) and I know how it feels.

If there is some polite way to make a point to them, I havent figured out how to do it yet. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Some people are just cheap. Also– I feel like sometimes when you have a different financial situation than your friends they feel like you can/should just pay whatever because you “have it.” 

Post # 13
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

No you are not over reacting!! I would be annoyed too. Whenever we go to a beach trip or go away with friends we always split costs or if someone is hosting us we always bring something or offer to.

Post # 14
Member
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Quick question.. do they own their own homes? I find the friends who do this most often are those who do not own a home or supply food for a family of people.. they just don’t seem to see the cost involved and thus do not think to chip in.

It’s very odd that they wouldn’t offer anything so I agree with pp’s, sometimes you gotta be a little more blunt and say “hey can you bring potato salad to go with lunch, and a desert for one of our dinners”. None of our friends have ever been offended by that, in fact after asking them to do that once they now bring things along without having to be asked.

It’s not about “gift grabbing” in terms of wine or something, it’s just expensive to host over a few days and since they are not paying anything for accomodations or anything they should at least help out with food and beverages, in my opinion.

FI’s friends on the other hands are as blunt as can be and when we go camping or to a cottage or something it’s always “ok groceries for all of us are costing X so you owe us Y, and there’s never any drama!

Post # 15
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

wow i can’t believe they wouldn’t at least offer to help to pay for anything! i’d be so annoyed too. when we go on trips with friends, we always split all the food and drink costs evenly. even when we go over to someone’s house for dinner, we always bring drinks, and usually ask if there’s something we could bring, or if we order in we split the food cost…i would definitely cancel the book club meeting you were supposed to host, maybe saying something to them like “i really can’t afford to host again so soon since it was more expensive than i realized it would be to host you guys…” it’s kind of a passive-aggressive way to confront them, but maybe they’re just really clueless about basic manners?

Post # 16
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yeah, I understand your annoyance, and agree with PP’s that there is not too much you can do now… I don’t think it would have hurt at all while it was happening to ask them to provide something.

There is a really good chance that they just didn’t think of it. I only realized a couple years ago that one really should always bring something when visiting someone else. I just was never explicitly taught that. Whenever we went somewhere, my mom took care of offering to bring something!

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