Post # 1
Okay, so first of all I love my MIL. She is a nice woman, but can be a little overbearing sometimes (telling me how to dress, giving “advice”, texting and e-mailing me constantly etc., but she means well).
She e-mails me almost every day, as she does to my hubby and her other son. But she also text messages hubby ALL the time. My husband is texting her (about stupid stuff like furniture, recipes or weekend plans usually) and it just gets annoying. They also constantly play those dumb games (hanging free, word with friends etc) on their I phones. He gets e-mails, texts, FB messages, game invites all day long from his mother! He is working a lot and I am glad when he is home, but then he is constantly on the phone with her. She is also the kind of peson who “likes” everything on FB my husband and I do, which is one of the reasons I put her on a restricted list.
Anyway, a little is o.k., but it has gotten to the point where I just get annoyed and pissed. It is our first year of marriage and I want some privancy and alone time with him!
When I tell hubby how I feel he gets defensive and tells me it is “not that much texting”. Also, his mom was very sick and is “housebound” now, meaning she can’t work or drive a car and all she does all day is watching TV or texting apparently. I am glad she is better, but I just need privancy, it drives me insane!
Anyone woth similar experiences? What would you tell hubby?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2013 - Lake Anna Winery
Oh my word I’m glad I’m not the only one!! It drives me insane except our situation is worse.. She lives with us.
literally she comes in our room, wakes FI to talk to him about silly things. She even comes in to make sure he’s up for work at 4:30am… shes controlling and has to have everything her way.
I do like her but I’m tired of it. I’ve talked to him but he’s the same way: defensive and tells me she’ll never change..
not sure what to do either!
Post # 4
Wow, that is a lot worse than my situation, ha. But I could see her doing things like that, too. When we are at their house she also sometimes just comes into the room:/ I sometimes wonder if their moms were like that? Obviously they didn’t text them, but if they also had no respect for personal boundaries. In your situation you can’t even avoid her. They would probably only listen to their sons, but if they don’t speak up and pretend everything is fine, we are dooooomed 😉
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
My mom is like this. She texts me a lot, always invites us out, likes every facebook post, etc. I often feel bad when I’m not very responsive because she helps us out a lot, and we have always had a great relationship. Its usually when I see her writing nonsensical things on his facebook posts that I’m like….STAAAHP!!! I’ve even told her to cut it out and her feelings just get hurt. Anyway, I am kind of in your FI’s shoes so I feel for both of you, lol.
Post # 6
@Veranyc: Yikes! That’d drive me nuts. I probably wouldn’t have married my DH if he was that attached at the hip to his mom. Honestly, I thought him talking to his mother every other day or so was excessive. I think I call my mom maybe once a week and my dad even less than that.
Post # 7
I talk to my mom almost every day, text for hours (she’s dating these days), and we go over stuff on fb occasionally, too. Doesn’t sound nearly as crazy as your guy and his mom. Their relationship seems a little excessive. I think the difference for me is that I feel like I’m talking to a bestie, not a mom that’s asking questions about my marriage.
Is that what it feels like? Does she seem to be intrusive with her conversation and questions?
Post # 8
@Veranyc: Maybe you could suggest to DH a phone-free time of the evening. Maybe 5pm to 7pm or after 8pm, no more phones altogether. It sounds excessive and I think you need to work on some boundaries. I think it’s great that he loves his mom so much but it sounds like they are both going overboard with this texting crap.
Post # 9
DH and I try to set a no electronics rule after a certain time. Not because of his mom but just because it gives us time to bond and be together.
Post # 10
You need to fix this shit real quick. I understand the bond between parent and child, but the wife is supposed to be the most important woman in husband’s life. Time for mom to take a back seat.
I agree with talking to him in a reasonable manner, explaining to him what it is ABOUT the texting that bothers you. He hears “you’re texting too much.” If he disagrees, that’s easy to ignore. But if you say, “This is our first year of marriage. I know you love your mom but I want to spend our evenings alone. I don’t want to feel I’m competing with your mother for your attention.”
If he continues to ignore you after this conversation, whenever he starts having a text-a-thon, you leave. the. room. If not the house. Every time. Disappear. And do not come back until he is looking for you. See, a lot of guys equate hanging out with being in the same room, whereas a lot of women feel there needs to be talking/interaction for it to be “hanging out.” You’ve got to make him notice that he’s missing out on time with you.
Post # 11
If he’s defensive about his mother, I would remove her from the equation. Just make an agreement about when it is/isn’t ok to be on the phone – at dinner? during conversations? etc.
Post # 12
Ugh I’m sorry to hear you have to deal w this but believe me , I feel your pain! I second everything you mentioned about the constant txt and phone calls at Home. I know she calls DH at work though not sure if its everyday. I am typically only home weekends so you’d think she’d back off on those days to give us at least 48 hrs but no, doesn’t matter that we are new Newlyweds. The very rare occasion that I’m home on a weeknight is no exception , she does the same thing.
She’s very nice lady but the babying needs to stop . I know why she does it but cut the cord. It’s one thing to call about something earth shattering but no one cares about so and so’s third cousin who has a stomach ache. He barely gives me 5 min on phone when I travel however he will talk to her for 20 min in the middle of our night together , by then I’m just annoyed.
she doesn’t work or have many hobbies but that’s not an excuse. My Mom lives alone by high works full time and very rarely calls me. If she does its a 5-10 min conversation max! I typically call her every night (usually when DH not even around) to just say hi and make sure she’s ok (I worry that she’s alone and has a 1.5 commute from a big city.) he gets defensive if I mention it so I’ve stopped. She used to call me everyday at work At Work , I’ve stopped answering even if I’m available bc of how ridiculous it is . Unless its very important I work in OR, I can’t be on the phone !
Post # 13
@leahlou: having flashbacks of Charlotte going through this on SATC and letting her MIL walk in on them getting freaky lol. Not sure I’d be able to do it personally but it might make her “set her own” boundaries lol.
Op – a phone free time sounds like the bet remedy for You hun.
Post # 14
Maybe you guys can set a no iPhone time everyday? That way neither of you can be on your phones and you can spend quality time together?
Post # 15
Wow, and I thought my SO’s family relationship was annoying!
His family doesn’t seem to have come to terms with the fact that he doesn’t live with them anymore. It’s like they think we’re away at college, and their house is still where he lives. We’ve lived in our own apartment, out of state for over 2.5 years now.
When we go to our hometown for whatever reason, his parents act like he still needs to check in with them before he makes any plans. There was a big issue this past Christmas where we went home for a visit on the 22nd and he was going to come with my family to our family party on the 23rd. His parents (probably his mom) was really upset because they wanted to spend time with him. He was going to be there for two more days, it’s not like he was leaving on Christmas itself!
They also don’t ask if he’s able to do certain things, it’s more like “you’re coming home for _______, right?” Even if it involves him taking off a day of work. So of course it puts him on the spot. It’s like they forget that he has his own life, and has me to factor in as well. One time they wanted him home for an extra day for Easter, which involved me having to find my own ride back home (two hours away). I think it’s gotten better since the Christmas fiasco, but I’m always prepared for a repeat.
Oh…and if he calls home for any reason–even to confirm their visit for the next day–he gets pulled into a long conversation where he has to talk to every member of his family.
Ok rant over…I agree with PP that you should schedule “no phone” time, and if that doesn’t work out, just leave the area when he gets into the texting. I agree that guys think “hanging out” means being in the same room.
Post # 16
What a turn off. That amount of communication is excessive. I’m very close with my mom, but neither of us has time to excessively text each other..
Also I think the main issue is that your husband would rather talk to his mom nonstop then hang out with you. Being close with your mom is fine, but he’s prioritizing her over you all the time it seems.