Post # 17
I probably wouldn’t be able to put up with a gamer, but my SO does have a different obsession that has gotten in the way of our relationship.
He rides pro BMX, but doesn’t make money doing it. He competes sometimes, and does parts for DVDs, but there is no money coming in from it. He still lives at home, so he has chosen to do this as his “full time job” and then just works part-time for spending money. It is his absolute passion, but it is something that I have had a very hard time trying to understand. It’s pretty much 75% of what he talks about with me, even though I have never done it and don’t really get it when he talks about tricks and stuff. I know that if I were to give him an ultimatum ever (which I wouldn’t, though it has crossed my mind) he would choose the sport over me.
The thing that gets to me (similarly to PP’s) is that he spends so much time doing it. All of his best friends do it also, so he is able to have more lengthy, more enjoyable conversations with them than with me. I feel like when I want to talk about anything other than riding BMX for an extensive period of time he just gets annoyed.
Ugh. This makes it sound like we have a shitty relationship but it’s really quite fantastic outside of this obsession of his. I am just so tired of only really spending time with him after 10 PM when it’s too dark outside for him to keep riding.
Post # 18
ya he got up and got right on the computer (i kicked him off the tv so i could watch the tv i pay for) he was on there till about 4 when we went to get dinner and he has been there since then. whats ironic is when we did laundry we piled it on the bed. so if he wants to sleep in the bed tonight he better get his butt up. i already cleaned off my side of the bed…
Post # 19
I have never dated someone into this kind of stuff, but a few of the stories I’m reading have me worried for you/your guys — this sounds like a serious addiction! If your Fiance is choosing to spend more time on the computer/game than with you, it’s time for a real intervention kind of discussion. And if he can’t stop? Or can’t limit himself? Or can’t find a way to moderate his behavior so he’s acting respectfully of you? Then this sounds like as serious an addiction to me as any other – drugs, gambling, alcohol.
Yelling at you in front of his friends (or yelling at you for anything, really), ignoring you, letting you cook for him but then not eating with you – these things are not okay! They can border on emotional abuse.
I’m so glad to hear so many guys have cut back/found a way to compromise on this issue, and sincerely hope the rest of you can work things out with your guys.
Post # 20
Ugh count me in as a girlfriend of a gamer. It’s so frustrating. I can’t talk to him when he’s playing. He plays online with multiple players so there is no “pause” button. He says well you just sit and watch TV all the time.. But we have a DVR so if he wants to talk to me I always pause whatever I’m watching and we’ll talk. Can’t do that with his video games! And if he’s losing? Forget it… Whatever I had to say is better left unsaid until tomorrow. We’re talking about setting up a schedule where he plays 3 days week for like 3 hours and I won’t bug him.
I feel like that’s not really solving the problem though… It just makes me more upset that he has to fit “tina time” into his gaming schedule and not the other way around!!
Hahaha, good to know I’m not alone and thanks for the rant… I know this probably makes us look like a miserable couple but we’re not seriously!!! The games just drive me up the wall sometimes!!
Post # 21
@babyboo, I’m closer to your camp. Fiance usually plays when I’m out, but I’ll admit, I’m not a “let’s spend every waking moment together” kind of girl. ((Not saying anyone here IS, just that I have a lot of other stuff I get into when he’s into the game like internet, reading, shopping)
But, I will also PLAY with him! I’ve gotten really good at one mission, where I provide cover for him. LOL!
Just talk to Fiance and see if he can cut it back, or agree to play more when you aren’t home or are busy.
Post # 22
i told him last night that im sick of the gaming. he keeps telling me that if i need something he can stop playing to help but anytime i try he says lemme finish this up and an hour later im waiting still and so mad i dont even remember what i asked him for. he always tries to blame it on me cus i sit on the couch on my lap top. i get the “i thought you were busy too” line. hello, im just playing on facebook, or weddingbee, or pogo, i can get up and walk away any second with no hold ons.its frustrating. he told me today if hes acting like an as s to just tell him so i told him was was be worse than that and everyday i want to throw his computer out the window. ugh…
Post # 23
Mine is Xbox crazy too, but really hasn’t played in the last 2 weeks because of our move and since we have to hook up this thing for cell reception into the modem he can’t play online w/o unplugging it which neither of us wants for a long time. YES! But he has talked about getting whatever it is he needs to play live (can you tell I really know what I’m talking about) without hooking straight into the modem. And he really doesn’t like playing unless its live. He’s bad, but will stop when he notices I’m upset or want to do something. We haven’t had a lot of time together period lately so he likes to spend as much time together as possible. Maybe he’s on the way to being a reformed gamer, haha.
Post # 24
I have to say, I have a different perspective on this. My Fiance was really into Xbox 360 and Call of Duty, about two years ago. One day when I was watching him play (yes, that’s how I had to spend time with him), I picked up the controller and he let me play (although he WAS complaining that i made his kill/death ratio go down because I died so much) and it was KINDA fun, so sometimes I’d play when he wasn’t home to try and get better to impress him, or just out of boredom.
Eventually he bought me my own Xbox and I got really good and really started to enjoy CoD. I found a couple of other girls on there to play with and we’d play together. And now my Fiance and I play Call of Duty together at night! He’ll be going upstairs to play his xbox and turn around and be like “babe, wanna go play games with me??” its adorable. Its also really cool because sometimes he’ll be playing with his friends and they’ll invite me to play as well & They think i’m THE coolest girl in the world. Also we can discuss the game together and he absolutely LOVES that. I WAS NOT what I would consider to be a gamer AT ALL (i was definitely into shopping, reading, scrapbooking, makeup, etc but had no interest in games) but now I would consider myself to be one and its amazing how well its worked out for us.
I know its not for everyone, but you won’t know until you try. If you absolutely hate it, he’d probably appreciate that you at least tried his interests. & it helps if you have a better understanding of what he’s talking about so he can discuss game related things with you, even just trying the game one or two times.
Also, I don’t know what to say about the ones who won’t listen/turn it off. I have no problem getting my Fiance to stop playing when I want him to, except for a few times and I just went over and turned off his system cause I was pissed (LOL). I can understand how difficult it can be, because I was in that situation, but its turned into something that we love to do together and truly enjoy.
Post # 25
My ex was a serious gamer… to the point where he put restrictions on when we would see each other. We couldn’t spend more than 2 days together because otherwise he would get too far behind in his game and when we lived together he would refuse to come for dinner until he had gotten to where he needed to be in the game (often hours would pass!)
I would say, make sure you work out some compromises with your boy. There is a reason mine is an ex – he refused to ever put me before the game. I get that gaming is his hobby and I wasn’t trying to stop that – but for me it was important that we spent SOME time together, ate dinner together and that he never said he couldn’t see me because of a game. If they refuse to compromise time with their games, they are likely to have an addiction.
It isnt all bad though – a friend of mine is recovering from his gaming addiction. He still plays but he has learnt the value of moderation (He used to play from the time he got home from work until 1am every day. Then ALL weekend. We never saw him!)
Post # 26
My Fiance plays World of Warcraft all the time. It has been a problem for us in the past. We’ve had some hardcore discussions about it now and while it can be a problem it generally isn’t because now, after our talks, she is more sensitive to when she is tuning everyone out and if I point it out she will stop playing (and not get mad!! which is a huge improvement!)… plus we’ve pretty much come to an agreement that since we both allow each other lots of space and free time, when there IS a family activity or shared movie or whatever, it takes priority. So I know if I say to her “hey, lets do X with the kids” or “hey, will you watch a movie with me?” that she prioritizes us over WoW.. but it wasn’t always that way so I feel everyone’s pain.
I was married before (almost 10 years) and in that marriage, my ex was a hardcore gamer, it was literally every second not spent at work or sleeping, and honestly it eventually became one of the many reasons we ended up divorced! My ex would spend hours and hours and hours playing games, then come to bed and want sex. After ignoring me all day! Um, no! What’s so sad is that he only sees the kids (my boys) around 3x a year and when they are up there with him, guess what he does all day and night? Yep, you guessed right. 🙁
So yeah, be careful and don’t let your spouse allow it to totally dominate. THere has to be a discussion and an understanding (and a FOLLOW THROUGH, most important) about prioritizing people and family over computer stuff, no matter if it’s games or Facebook or even Weddingbee….any of that.
Post # 27
This thread made me laugh so I had to post. I think my SO would also put our (non-existent, but perhaps in the future) baby in a sling while he played games. I learned early on in our relationship that it’s just what he’s going to do, but I grew up with four brothers so it wasn’t much of a surprise. Just play with him and it’s a win-win.
Post # 28
I was super annoyed with my Fiance after I bought him the xbox (I know dumb mistake). At first I was super annoyed with the situation: he was playing and after playing for hours he would be upset at himself for not spending that time with me.
What I’ve finally started doing is playing some games with him (I did buy the xbox after all). My favorite is Unreal Tournament 3 (its one of his favorites too). He also tells me to ask him to stop playing if I want to spend time with him away from the game – he does respect that. I always give a time limit such as “Mr.jtconstellation you have 20 minutes to finish up and then we are going…” Try giving him time limits. When Mr.jtconstellation tries to stay on the game for longer I make sure that he knows I want to spend time with him and I remind him how bad he feels for not spending that time with him
Don’t try to change that part of him – it won’t work and it will only frustrate you and him. Sit down and talk about it on a serious level. Try to settle on times he can play (he plays while I talk with friends online). Plus when Mr.jtconstellation plays after a stressful day it helps him unwind – and then we play together and we start laughing and talking!
Post # 29
i feel ya girl…we have sunday night designated as movie nights so at least we spend some time together and i can actually use the tv that i helped pay for!
Post # 30
My Fiance and I met ON World of Warcraft, lol but he doesn’t play often or when im around really. I just told him we have more important RL stuff to do and he doesn’t log in. Maybe you can play w/him and slowly weed him off the addiction..?
Post # 31
Been there, done that. Got out. lol Of course, my ex had adhd, couldn’t hold down a job and online rpgs were like crack to him. He’d get his nights and days mixed up and I’d only see him in the neon glow of the screen. Really makes me think internet/games could be a valid addiction.
When I read my SIL’s complaints on FB about my stepbrother’s games, I just have to let go of a sigh of relief. So difficult to compete with games and fantasy!