Post # 61
This doesn’t strictly fit here but whatever.
One of my best friends isn’t married, but she was seeing a guy for about 3 months. They talked about marriage and she got quite excited. She started looking at venues, going cake tasting and trying on rings etc, when the relationship ended quite suddenly. They’d actually been together not even a fortnight when she started sending me pics of engagement rings. It ended (a year and a half ago now) and she was heartbroken at the time. I just got engaged a month ago and she likes to tell me how incredibly stressful planning her wedding was last year and I should be warned. Da eff?! To be fair she works in an office role in a hospital and continually compares her job role to nurses. I’m a nurse. But apparently I have no idea how stressful her job is since she’s so compassionate and she’s busy saving lives. In an office. Typing on a computer. She send me a blog post from a student nurse recently which went viral. The student nurse said how drained and exhausted she was, how she never had time to pee and often missed lunch, and how she was working 13 hour shifts without a mentor and was accountable etc. Apparently my friend knows exactly how she feels. Hmm.
Otherwise I do get a lot of “you have NO idea how stressful wedding planning is…” and “you wait until you have to go through this!” Lots of stuck up noses basically. Again, this doesn’t strictly belong here but I find it interesting how many people keep on calling me Mrs HisLastName since I just got engaged. Nope! I’m still Ms MyLastName. And I’m keeping my last name when I do get married. So many people do now that I find it weird that we keep on assuming.
Post # 62
emitchell456 : I have one work colleague in particular who is TERRIBLE for it!! She makes it sound like I am going to have the worst day of my life! Hers certainly sounds like it lol…all she does is bitch and moan about hers and then tell me “DON’T do this because blah blah blah etc etc”. It is intense, unwanted and kinda pissing on my newly engaged parade. I have since avoided the topic with her.
Post # 63
BubblesandCupcakes : wow your friend sounds ummmm…annoying? I am also a nurse and I think if I had a friend who worked in an office and said it was as hard as my job I would have to bite my lip so hard it would bleed 😂😂 you must have the patience of a saint…wait…of course you do 😝 you are a nurse 😀😇
Post # 64
morningcoffee : that’s pretty much word for word what I said. I said I was honored that she asked me to stand with her and that I was glad that we would both be a part of each other’s big days.
I mentioned nothing like “Oh by the way it’s time to start planning my wedding which is “insert date here” at such and such location and you’re going to be a bridesmaid. She did already know she’d be a bridesmaid, as I officially asked her a few days after I got engaged, and we’d talked about it years before either of us even met our SO.
Her and I have been friends since 9 years old and always talked about being in each others weddings some day and now that’s officially a reality so of course I was going to mention that. She teared up during that part of my speech and told my mom that she thought that was so special that I mentioned that because she is glad that something we’ve talked about for so long is finally happening for both of us. She actually even said that’s something she’d planned to say in the speech she will give at my wedding.
I wasn’t even going to respond to the other PPs accusations of me being rude because I know what I said was not rude and that my friend was not at all put off by it – she loved it. Thanks for your response, I appreciate someone clarifying what I was saying.
Post # 65
My husband and I were together for 8 years before getting married. It was hard for me to not roll my eyes at my newly wed friends who had only been together a year total (people get married fast in my hometown) trying to give me advice on how to have a happy relationship.
Post # 66
nurseybee55 : She means well and I love her, but yes she’s very annoying! I completely understand that she has bad, stressful days, I empathise with that. She does an important job, anyone who works in a hospital does. But someone in an admin role who works in an office clearly doesn’t have the same job role or job description as someone who works as a nurse/medic/other healthcare professional in a busy trauma centre and that shouldn’t be hard to understand. Doh!
Post # 67
It’s not annoying, I just think it’s so funny that every recent bride gives the same exact line of advice and acts like they’re the first ones to ever say something so profound. “Make sure you REALLY take it all in and remember the moment, it goes so fast!”
Post # 68
I think recently married people are saintly when compared to relatively new parents. “You don’t know love until you have a baby, it’s the most amazing thing in the world” blithely said at a hen (batchelorette) party where I know at least one other participant was in the process of trying to adopt after a long battle with infertility and the bride herself had recently miscarried and was in the early stages of a pregnancy with a lot of spotting and cramping. “Don’t leave it too late! I wish I hadn’t left it so long” and the like, as if their audience has just absent-mindedness forgotten to have a lovel little baby and can nip to the store to remedy it.
Even assuming nobody treated to these pearls of wisdom is battling fertility or struggling to find a partner they want to share children with, it’s pretty rude and obnoxious to essentially announce to the CFBC that they are emotionally stunting themselves by failing to experience the miracle of parenthood.
I had my first baby very young so I have never been wounded by these women but I have been gobsmacked to see otherwise intelligent, kind friends do this after their first child.
Post # 69
hikingbride : YES TO YOUR COMMENT.
Been with Fiance almost 9 years and living together for 3 – really happily.
Get advice from newlywed friends who have been together like 2 years in total about relationships etc.
Dude, I’m marrying my highschool sweetheart, I should be schooling YOU. =P
Post # 70
Another nurse here. Can’t stand when non-nurses compare our stresses. I know other professions are just as stressful but getting yelled at by a boss creates different feelings when compared to losing a young patient. When my first patient coded (30 years old with postpartum heart failure) I said I was stressed and my ex said “yeah I get it I had like 15 emails when I got to work this morning.” Ummm not the same. He then said “you knew what you were getting into when you started working there.”
Glad to not be going through the wedding planning with him!!!
Post # 71
ksn1219 : That’s so weird. Isn’t Rhett just his stage name also? Aren’t they the kids of Akins or some other famous country singer?
Post # 72
God yes, and what a lovely post from someone who actually has a child (ren) and is yet is so empathic.
When I was younger it was being told I would never know he depths of love until we had a baby . After a while it was ” when are you going to have one ?” . Now it’s ” you didn’t have children did you”” Or – my personal (still ) hate-raising one – something along the lines of “oh you were sensible/clever not having children it’s so stressful and they can be so disappointing” . This last one is always delivered in a smug , preening tone that I’m sure they are not really aware of.
If and when I tartly answer , ” well, you can’t always have what you want no matter how badly you want it , we have come to terms with it now” they often act quite offended with me for being embarrassing about what was after all, ‘just a commen’t . ffs
Post # 73
“It’s your day, do what you want”
no, I’m hosting the biggest party of my life, I want people to enjoy it!
Post # 75
scissorgirl : yes so much this!!
Not only do I want them to have a good time, I’m also not prepared to make unnecessary drama just so I can have a picture perfect day