Post # 1
ETA: don’t bother with this please– has been resolved now. I was not looking for a load of unfair criticism, which is what I am getting. Please only reply if you have something constructive to say. Thanks.
I’m wondering if anyone can help me out here. . . I’m really, really irritated with one of my roommates.
She is OCD about cleanliness (she has admitted it herself) and she is constantly after the other 3 of us about the kitchen. One of my other roommates and I just got back from a long and exhausting trip a couple days ago, so we were not as good about cleaning up as we usually are. Tonight, the roommate I’m annoyed with took it upon herself to put my non-perishable food items I had on the side of the counter into MY cupboard, and put various clean dishes of mine which were off to the side on the counter back into the sink, where they got dirty again, all without asking. She also requested that everyone else keep the kitchen cleaner because she apparently had no room to make her lunch this morning. Which I do not believe. I cleaned the kitchen yesterday and unless a real mess happened after I went to bed, there was indeed room. OK, fine, some people are way more particular than others. But don’t move my stuff. No one else in this house moves other people’s stuff. I hate it when people interfere with my things, and the things she meddled with were definitely not in the way– I feel like she moved them just to be passive-aggressive bitchy and make a point.
ARGH! She is almost never here because she spends most of her time at work or school and every night, other than an hour or so to make dinner, at her boyfriend’s house. And then when she shows up for more than that, she bugs us all about keeping the kitchen to her standards, which are different than those the rest of us have. (We are not filthy and messy, but we are not super uptight about it like she is). It is very annoying. I might have spoken to her about moving my things tonight but she yet again disappeared to her boyfriend’s house before I got a chance. I really wish she would just move in with him and not hassle us anymore. GRR. >_<
What would you do? Other than keeping everything f***ing obsessively clean and putting EVERYTHING away, which I don’t always have time for. I’m so mad at her right now!
Post # 4
I think the best way to deal with stuff like this is…to realize that everyone has different perspectives and different concepts of cleanliness. To her, the situation may have been building and building and getting worse and worse.
I had roommates onetime who were AWFUL. I could tell you one hundred thousand things wrong with them. However, I’m sure they could tell you one hundred thousand things wrong with me.
They were extremely messy (it does not sound like you are THIS messy, but still!). I used to clean up after them to make space for myself in the kitchen, but after a while I was completely fed up and would just move their stuff. Like I would remove their dirty dishes from the sink and put them on the counter, away from where I was using space. But I am sure they thought I was being unreasonable. Do you understand what I’m saying??
Here is a picture of the kitchen….OMG.
Post # 5
Other than keeping everything f***ing obsessively clean and putting EVERYTHING away, which I don’t always have time for
You know she is OCD and that the kitchen is an issue for her. I suggest a little give and take on both sides. It really doesn’t take any longer for you to put your non-perishables and clean dishes away, than it does to put them on the counter. I suggest you commit to doing this for her.
On her part, if something bothers her, she can move it, put it away, tidy it etc but NOT mention it to the other roommates.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I am not the best person to rant to since I was the obsessively clean kitchen roommate. The problem with a messy kitchen is that it is disgusting and unsanitary and can lead to bugs. It is imo the most difficult room for roommates to deal with because someone will be messy and someone will be clean and it will lead to arguments. I got lucky (or not depending on how you look at it) in that my messy roommate never complained when I cleaned up the kitchen to my standards which happened at least two to three times a week. I would put away his food items and load the dishwasher then unload it once the dishes were clean.
I understand her frustration, especially if she is hardly ever home because it probably feels to her like she is always cleaning when she is at home (hence why she is out so much.) In your defense, you guys probably let the kitchen go a bit (not dirty but disorganized) while she’s out because you’re tired of dealing with her complulsive cleaning when she is home.
Have a house meeting and agree to ground rules about keeping the kitchen clean and what she can and cannot do in regards to cleaning up after you all when she wants the kitchen clean. As for not putting everything away every time you’re in the kitchen, don’t take out more than you feel like cleaning up. Make sure everyone has a cabinet and drawer they can just toss things in to get it off the counters and keep stuff off the counters.
Post # 7
@peachacid: Wow, I promise that kitchen is FAR worse than ours ever is, unless two or more of us are cooking/putting shopping away at once. Ugh, I couldn’t stand that much clutter.
@julies1949: Yes, it is just as easy for me most of the time to put things away. I can do that for her comfort. That does not bother me. BUT I disagree with you on the other point. I think it is very rude for roommates to put away other people’s things for them. That is like someone acting like your parent when you are a fully functioning adult. I have a problem with that and always have. I do not like other people interfering with my food or my belongings and I think it is respectful for someone to ASK before moving someone else’s things. My things were not in her way– there was plenty of other space. It was done to make a point, and I think that was rude.
@beachbride1216: Thank you for giving some constructive advice here and not just criticizing me. I usually think of myself as a roommate who is on the neater and cleaner end of the spectrum; I am always the one to clean one of the shared bathrooms, for example, because my other roommate who shares the bathroom with me never does, and I can live with that. But I don’t move her things, or if I have to in order to clean, I always put them back exactly the way she had them. I also clean the kitchen more often than my two other roommates, and am usually the only one to clean the stove. Again, I don’t move other people’s things. I find that disrespectful and intrusive, and that’s most of the issue here.
I think when I calm down and I see her again, I will tell her that I’m going to make more of an effort to put my things away, but if I do leave things out, to please not move them, because I am aware of them and will come back later to take care of it. I really, really, really hate it when my stuff gets messed with. I would love to tell her this, but hopefully the former point will get that across more politely.
Post # 8
It’s very difficult to keep a disorganized, messy kitchen clean, because you can’t properly wipe down and sanitize counters, cooking surfaces, etc. So a dirty kitchen can lead to infestations and foodborne illness. I am not OCD by any means, but the kitchen is the one place I don’t think a mess should be tolerated. I understand that sometimes it’s hard to get motivated to clean up after yourself when you’re tired, but overall, you’re probably putting in more energy analyzing and being stressed about this situation than you would put in just cleaning up.
Post # 9
@SnurfMurph86: I wish I could just move back home with my SO (I lived with him for 2 years before this) but I’m in grad school and it’s 3 hours away from my house, so I have to rent in the same town as school’s in. Thankfully I’m only here during the week usually, so I don’t have to deal with this shit constantly.