(Closed) Annoying SO behavior.. Can I fix it?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The only way to really change that would be for you to talk to him about it and let him know that you’d like to be able to spend some time with him in the mornings. But if you get up that much earlier than him, you don’t have to waste that time doing nothing! I usually do housework, run errands, things like that. Use that as your alone time.

Post # 4
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t know about that. I’m naturally a late sleeper but am forced to get up early for work. My fiance on the other hand is not so he sleeps in like yours. What’s worse is that we both go to bed late. Even though I get up early I can’t seem to physically fall asleep early because that is just how my body is wired. My grandma is the same way, always has been.

Post # 5
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

@LivyLovesPonies:  Honestly, good luck! My Fiance works in retail and his schedule varies, but it is usually the closing shift. So he usually goes to bed around 2 or 3 in the morning as well. Even when he is off or works around 10am, he will do the same thing. I, however, work from 7:45-5:00pm and try to go to bed by 11 as well.

I have tried to for years (over 9 now) for him to get on a better schedule, but it hasn’t worked. If your SO had a more fixed schedule, like he had to arrive by 8am, that would help….but otherwise it might be difficult.

I will say, keep this in mind down the line if you decide to get married and want to have kids! If he doesn’t like waking up early/or refuses to, will he get up at 4 or 5am to feed a kid??? Then again, he might still be up from the night before!

Sorry this is not a lot of help, but good luck!

Post # 6
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

It is tough for a person to change his/her sleeping habits, and really it’s a bit selfish to ask your SO to adjust to your body clock, just as it will be selfish of him to demand that you sleep late. To each his own. 

Post # 7
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

My SO is the same way and our bedtimes are exactly the same as yours and your SO. It’s frustrating that on days we are both off, we can’t start doing anything together until around noon when he wakes up. I end up feeling like half the day is gone by the time he’s getting out of bed.

It’s annoying, but I know it will change when he eventually finds a job with normal hours. Also, if we have concrete plans, like yesterday we had movie tickets for 8:30am, he’ll wake up for that, but if it’s just your average day, he doesn’t get up until he’s ready.

I usually spend the time doing laundry, running errands, or on the internet. If anything, it annoys me the most when I’d like to go out and get breakfast with him and he’ll just say “nah, I’m still tired, can you just bring me something” and sometimes I tell him that if he wants breakfast from wherever I’m going, he can wake up and come with me. Wink Most of the time I’m nice and still bring him food when he stays in bed.

 

Post # 8
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Why should HE change HIS biological sleep schedule.  Why don’t YOU change YOURS to be with HIM?

 

See?  When you look at it from the other directions…. it’s not so easy is it.  Maybe you can compromise and set a schedule where you EACH change on either different weeks or different days of the week.

Post # 9
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m an early riser too. Fi is not and on weekends he too can sleep until noon. I honestly feel ike it’s unfair to require him to get up early and be on your schedule. I may be wrong, but it seems like it doesn’t effect you much in the mornings during the week because you are off to work anyways?I do think if you guys need more time together and he has felxibility he can move around his timeframe a bit or one or two days a week, if you guys have something to do together.

I also feel like getting my Fi to get up early and go to breakfast on weekends just end up wit him being grumpy and me being annoyed. On weekends we are together I get up early go to brunch with family, girlfriends or myself, work out, shop, run errands, work,  it’s me time.  Fi gets to sleep in, and the afternoon/evening is time we get things done together.Instead of waiting around for him to wake up, go out and enjoy your mornings do things you want to do. That way you both are in good mood when spending time together.

 

Post # 10
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

@3xaCharm:  Totally agree with your point except for the compromise thing. It is really difficult to shift sleeping habits either on a daily or weekly or monthly basis, In My Humble Opinion. Once you break out of a habit you generally break out for a long time at least. 

Post # 11
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

He can change his sleep patterns if he wants to, but you can’t change it for him. You’ll have to talk to him and tell him why it upsets you and see if you can compromise (ie he gets up by 9 or 10). I think it’s an immature habit and it would drive me bonkers, so I understand why you’re irritated. It’s really not that hard to change your sleep patterns, but you have to really want to. You just start setting your alarm clock a little earlier and don’t allow yourself any naps. When it’s “bed time,” you have to turn off the computer/TV/phone and get in bed, reading often helps too. That said, if he’s not on board, I don’t think you’re going to be able to do much about it. 

Post # 12
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Maybe there is a way to compromise and see if he will get up earlier when you both have a day off from work, so that way you can spend more time together. But to want him to change completely is a bit selfish. I’ve always been told you can’t change a man. Maybe he needs more sleep than you do. Just enjoy the time alone.

Post # 13
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you’ve discussed it with him and he refuses to comprimise (say, get up by 10 on weekends so you still have the day) then I would just start making plans w/o him.  Make lunch dates with friends, go to the mall, go do stuff on your own.  If he’s not going to get up to spend the day with you, then stop waiting around for him.  Perhaps if you’re not often there waiting when he wakes up and he realizes he is missing time with you he’ll figure it out on his own. And if not – at least you got to enjoy the day and weren’t sitting around the house doing nothing while he sleeps!

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