Post # 1
I have to get something off my chest. I’m 24 now, but I’ll be 25 and my Fiance will be 26 when we get married in June 2014. My sister, who is only two months older than my fiance, keeps quoting this statistic that says something like, “The closer you are to age 30 when you get married, the better chance you have of your marriage succeeding.” Then she talks about how great it is that she and her boyfriend (soon to be her fiance, probably by next spring) will be closer to 30 when they marry, and I’m like, back off! It’s not a competition! It hurts my feelings that she seems to be saying my Fiance and I are making a bad decision by not waiting to get married, even though we’ve been dating for the past 8 years. I never know what to say to her when she gets going on this topic, though. I don’t want to get defensive, because I truly believe my Fiance and I are making a solid decision to get married next June. Still, it makes me want to punch her in the face, just a little bit (I never do, though).
Anyone out there have opinionated sisters, cousins, friends, or mothers who say things like this? How do you handle it?
Post # 3
It seems like she is be bothered by the fact that you are got engaged/are getting married before her. That’s her problem though, not yours.
Misinterpretation of scientific results in daily life is frustrating enough, but I get really annoyed when people quote random statistics like that to suggest my behavior is somehow wrong. I really don’t see how to stop it, some people love talking that way! I think the best thing to do is let it go. I tend to respond with something cheery yet dismissive like, “Gee, that’s interesting! Guess we’re just rolling the dice and will see how it goes! You’re so lucky that you are older than me!”
Post # 4
Well, she’s right.
But she should definitely stop bringing it up. It’s not as though you’re going to change your mind, so she is clearly using it as a way to one-up you. I know it’s tough, but if you’re not going to talk to her about it, i’d really just try to let it go. No sense wasting time on a negative thought like that!
Post # 5
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. That statistic does exist for a reason–but she shouldn’t be throwing it in your face like that. Like PP, I can only assume that she’s having issues dealing with the fact that her sister is getting married before her–and that’s her problem. Not yours. Try not to let it get to you.
I can relate to the sister drama…I have an opinionated sister too. Trouble is, my sister recently went through a nasty divorce, so she’s totally down on marriage altogether. She keeps making remarks about how terrible marriage is..and “why would anyone want to get married?” I can’t talk to her about the wedding plans because I can tell it really upsets her. She loves my fiance, but she can’t seem to get past her own situation. It hurts… she’s supposed to be my Maid/Matron of Honor.
We’re going wedding dress shopping this month…hopefully she’ll come around. I was really hoping that the experience would bring us closer.
Post # 6
@crescentloon23: I would flatly respond “the only opinion that matters in a marriage are from the two people in it, but thanks.”
Post # 7
My little sister got married WAY before I did. It did bother me, and some people in the family made some comments about it. She is probably just embarrassed. She does need to get over it though, because while a little bit of that might be understandable, continuing to do it is just mean and wrong. She is your sister and should be happy for you.
Post # 8
@crescentloon23: 🙂 my fiance and I are exactly the same ages as you and your fiance! Ill be 25, he will be 26 when we get married in June 2014 as well. We will have been together 7.5 years when we get married. So we are in a very similar boat!
I mostly get comments from strangers or peers that I am not too friendly with (like friends of friends) who say- why now? why so young? My answer always is “We are practically married anyway– why not!?”
I think people who wait for a perfect age are wasting their time and youth! When you know, you know! You should also quote a stastic to your sister about how unreliable statistics actually are! lol!
Post # 9
@crescentloon23: Ask for evidence! Not this “statistics say” rubbish. Ask for hard evidence: who conducted the studies, and where they are published. Not the newspaper reports, the actual studies. Ask if she’s read the studies. If nothing else it will shut her up for a while.
For most of these studies, when you dig deeper there are a lot of factors at play. But tabloids pick up on one piece the evidence, and run with it.
Post # 10
I would smile and say, ” I know saying that makes you feel better. Are you ready to change the subject yet?”
But I gave up appeasing crappy behavior for my birthday:-)
Post # 11
I think maturity is not about age. It is like a classic saying but I do believe is true. She is showing little maturity by saying this things to you. She might feel bad because you are marrying before her so she is being like that.
You don’t have to say anything. Just be happy, be smart and prove those statistics wrong!