(Closed) Annoying Vent- FSIL/FMIL and the new flower girl I didn't know I had..

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

What does your Fiance think about it? Was it something they just decided or did they talk it over with him and he thought it was ok? If you wanted a kids free wedding I don’t think you’re being selfish at all.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  annabanana85.
Post # 4
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Tell him the truth, you do not want this, and no one consulted you.  Then listen to what he says.  If he says, well my mom and Sister want it, tell him, well I do not.  See what he says.  I would be pissed beyond belief. 

Post # 5
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

Nope. Stand your ground. And I have no idea why they’re insisting a 2 year old and 6 month old attend a ceremony?

Some people go berserk, insisting their daughter/niece/granddaughter become a flower girl. It’s like the rejection will stay with them for life, if they’re not chosen. My SIL was like that- she pushed and campaigned and prompted her daughter to ask multiple people, if she could be their flowergirl, including my daughter. It never happened.

My daughter was 6, when she was a flowergirl. She was pretty quiet, as a child, and well behaved. She did great (the bride was the epitome of a Bridezilla), but was bored and tired of all the photos. Her sister was 2, at the time, and there is no way I would have allowed her to participate in something like that.

Post # 6
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

milwaukeebride02:  We had adults only too but had our 5 year old nephew (on my husbands side) as the ring bearer. He got to eat dinner and then got to boot – off to a friends house for the night! I would pick your battles w/your new family and I don’t think this is one of them.

Post # 7
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

I think it’s interesting that you said you don’t want a Flower Girl because you don’t have nieces or nephews, suggesting that if you did have them then you would have a Flower Girl. at the same time you are completely comfortable excludinh your FI’s niece since she isn’t yours. 

If your Fiance doesn’t want her there, cool, but its interesting that one of your reasons for not wanting her as Flower Girl is that she’s not your niece never mind that she is FI’s.

Post # 8
Member
8815 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

milwaukeebride02:  It’s your fiance’s wedding too. I imagine he’d like his niece to be the flower girl. The fact that you specify you have no nieces or nephews and your friends don’t have kids implies that if you did (or your friends did) you’d ask one of them to be the flower girl, so it seems kind of unfair to say you don’t want your fiance’s niece.

Post # 11
Member
2099 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think you need to ask your fiance if HE wants his niece in the wedding. That’s the only thing that would matter to me. I felt very strongly about having my cousin in the wedding as Flower Girl. My fiance didn’t care for children in the bridal party, but he relented because he knew it was important to me. I’m not saying you should let his mom and sister bulldoze your opinion, but consider the fact that he may actually want his niece in the wedding. Is she 2 now? I would assume that means she will be closer to 3 at the wedding, which is old enough to not run into fire pits (which I assume won’t be running during the ceremony…) or off the deck. Honestly, it does not seem like it is worth it to fight over this. She will be fine, and I think you’ll seriously offend his mom/sister if you refuse, so I’d consider whether that is worth it, especially if your fiance wants his niece involved. 

Post # 12
Member
4839 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

milwaukeebride02:   If it were me I’d pick this battle.   They made a decision that was yours, and yours alone, to make.  To me, no matter what the decision was, I’d veto it, on principle.

Some context – my (very short – eight minute) wedding ceremony was ruined by a five year old girl who twirled and ran up and down the aisle throughout the vows and ceremony.   No one did a thing about it.  I vote no kids, and no allowing yourself to be ambushed like that.

Post # 14
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My brother had a 3 YO flower girl. Her parents had to walk her up the aisle.  It looked 

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