Post # 1
Hello lovely Bees!
Here is my obnoxious vent that is going to be totally selfish… I DON’T WANT A FLOWER GIRL!!!
A little background: I like kids.. honest. But I do not have any nieces or nephews on my side, and we do not have a lot of friends with kids. We are having an adult only wedding with an open bar and our venue is not very child friendly.. large stone fireplaces, decks, fire pits.. sharp objects everywhere…
My fiance has a 2 year old niece, and apparently it was decided by my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law that she would be the flower girl? Tonight I got a text from my Future Sister-In-Law about when we can go to the bridal store and pick out her dress? I asked my fiance and he “thought I knew” and ” well it gives Future Sister-In-Law something to do all day”
This same niece and her 6 month old brother were not supposed to be attending the wedding- but apparently they are coming to the ceremony and Future Sister-In-Law parents are going to pick them up after the ceremony..
Is this a battle I want to pick? am I being selfish?
Post # 2
What does your Fiance think about it? Was it something they just decided or did they talk it over with him and he thought it was ok? If you wanted a kids free wedding I don’t think you’re being selfish at all.
Post # 3
That is what I am trying to tease out.. I guess it was discussed over Xmas and he didnt think it was a big deal?
Maybe I am over reacting but I just am invisioning a 2 year old scream crying running down the aisle…
and no one asked me? ha.
Post # 4
Tell him the truth, you do not want this, and no one consulted you. Then listen to what he says. If he says, well my mom and Sister want it, tell him, well I do not. See what he says. I would be pissed beyond belief.
Post # 5
Nope. Stand your ground. And I have no idea why they’re insisting a 2 year old and 6 month old attend a ceremony?
Some people go berserk, insisting their daughter/niece/granddaughter become a flower girl. It’s like the rejection will stay with them for life, if they’re not chosen. My SIL was like that- she pushed and campaigned and prompted her daughter to ask multiple people, if she could be their flowergirl, including my daughter. It never happened.
My daughter was 6, when she was a flowergirl. She was pretty quiet, as a child, and well behaved. She did great (the bride was the epitome of a Bridezilla), but was bored and tired of all the photos. Her sister was 2, at the time, and there is no way I would have allowed her to participate in something like that.
Post # 6
milwaukeebride02: We had adults only too but had our 5 year old nephew (on my husbands side) as the ring bearer. He got to eat dinner and then got to boot – off to a friends house for the night! I would pick your battles w/your new family and I don’t think this is one of them.
Post # 7
I think it’s interesting that you said you don’t want a Flower Girl because you don’t have nieces or nephews, suggesting that if you did have them then you would have a Flower Girl. at the same time you are completely comfortable excludinh your FI’s niece since she isn’t yours.
If your Fiance doesn’t want her there, cool, but its interesting that one of your reasons for not wanting her as Flower Girl is that she’s not your niece never mind that she is FI’s.
Post # 8
milwaukeebride02: It’s your fiance’s wedding too. I imagine he’d like his niece to be the flower girl. The fact that you specify you have no nieces or nephews and your friends don’t have kids implies that if you did (or your friends did) you’d ask one of them to be the flower girl, so it seems kind of unfair to say you don’t want your fiance’s niece.
Post # 9
luv2luv: Nope, I think you took that the wrong way.. If I had nieces and nephews I would still not want them at the ceremony, being a part of the ceremony in any way. I have close friends and cousins whose kids will not attend.I stated that they were his side of the family because if they were my side of the family it would be my own mom i would be having the conversation with and i have a completely different relationship with her than I do FMIL
I didn’t want children in the wedding/at the wedding period and fiance is totally on board with that.
Post # 10
Also: if it was my fiance who came and said ” Hey I really think it would be cool if she was the flower girl..”
Totally fine, whatever, she can leave after the ceremony..
but that wasnt the case.. FMIL/FSIL assumed we would be having her in the wedding..
Post # 11
I think you need to ask your fiance if HE wants his niece in the wedding. That’s the only thing that would matter to me. I felt very strongly about having my cousin in the wedding as Flower Girl. My fiance didn’t care for children in the bridal party, but he relented because he knew it was important to me. I’m not saying you should let his mom and sister bulldoze your opinion, but consider the fact that he may actually want his niece in the wedding. Is she 2 now? I would assume that means she will be closer to 3 at the wedding, which is old enough to not run into fire pits (which I assume won’t be running during the ceremony…) or off the deck. Honestly, it does not seem like it is worth it to fight over this. She will be fine, and I think you’ll seriously offend his mom/sister if you refuse, so I’d consider whether that is worth it, especially if your fiance wants his niece involved.
Post # 12
milwaukeebride02: If it were me I’d pick this battle. They made a decision that was yours, and yours alone, to make. To me, no matter what the decision was, I’d veto it, on principle.
Some context – my (very short – eight minute) wedding ceremony was ruined by a five year old girl who twirled and ran up and down the aisle throughout the vows and ceremony. No one did a thing about it. I vote no kids, and no allowing yourself to be ambushed like that.
Post # 13
littleanchor: Good advice: either way they would be leaving after the ceremony (which was always the plan)
but no, she turns two in February and wedding is May..
Has anyone had experience with a flower girl that young? I wasnt planning on ever having one soo I don’t know much about ages..
Post # 14
My brother had a 3 YO flower girl. Her parents had to walk her up the aisle. It looked
Post # 15
Fiance says ” doesn’t matter to me, I thought you guys talked about it”…. ” but it would give something for Future Sister-In-Law to do during the day while everyone is getting ready and taking pictures”
Future Sister-In-Law isn’t in wedding, her husband (FI’s brother) is best man.