(Closed) Annoying Vent- FSIL/FMIL and the new flower girl I didn't know I had..

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 46
312 posts
Helper bee

milwaukeebride02:  my Flower Girl was 2 1/2 for my wedding and she did a great job! SIL also had a 4 month old at the time and between her and her husband they managed both kids and we were able to have a great day.

Post # 47
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

KBelle12:  If you read through my reply, I never said she should have her as a flower girl. I did suggest she reconsider not allowing her niece to attend the ceremony though, as she is such close family.

There are hills to die on, and areas to compromise. I think it’s reasonable to not have her as a flower girl, but I do think it’s not a bad idea to consider allowing the niece to attend the ceremony as a compromise.

Post # 48
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I would be very upset if I was in this situation. However, my fiance and I are having all of our siblings at least be invited to be in the wedding, including our 12 nieces and nephews. That being said, I am very concerned about coordinating the kids from attire to pictures to food to transportation to behavior when they are tired. Whatever happens happens, but I don’t blame you at all! If you are adamant about it, discuss it with your fiance and if someone needs to say something, let him since it’s his side of the family. And then be prepared for them to threaten to drop out. People are super touchy about weddings, including when it isn’t even theirs! Good luck!

Post # 49
3065 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

milwaukeebride02:  um yeah I would be annoyed and say hey thanks for the offer but the venue doesn’t allow children under 18.  A little lie won’t hurt anything and honestly it is so rude that they just decided that without consulting you. I would be pissed at your Fiance too!

Post # 52
4035 posts
Honey bee

My family has been doing adult-only weddings since I was a kid – the late 1960s. Even the casual/outdoor wedding I attended last year had 2 kids attend, and left early; they weren”t specifically invited or completely discouraged.

I have an almost 6 month old grandchild and I can’t see her sitting through a wedding ceremony quietly; someone would have to take her out and then the adult would miss it. She’s at the age where she likes to sing a long with the choir, play with toys that hit the floor, etc. So far it’s been okay, for a regular church service, but I know she’ll get taken out sometime soon.

Post # 53
1588 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

milwaukeebride02:  I hope that part of the discussion is your Fiance explaining to her that he had thought they already discussed it with you and only said OK in the first place with that misunderstanding. Because it sounds like he is kind of shrugging it all off and leaving it to you to deal with, and it makes you sound like the “bad guy.” He needs to be the one to tell them that if he had known that they decided without consulting you in the first place, he would have said no in the first place, and that it was not their choice to make. It sucks that it is turning into this, but I doubt this will be the last of it. I feel like people hold grudges over wedding stuff irrationally for a long time. Hopefully they come to realize that it is just not worth it. Good luck. Just the most important thing is that you and your Fiance are a united front on this.

Post # 54
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Miami

milwaukeebride02:  Honestly this isn’t a battle I would pick. I know lots of people who have mostly adults-only weddings, but neices and nephews are still usually included. It sounds like Future Sister-In-Law assumed that was the case, and I don’t really blame her. For one, if her whole family is at your wedding, she may have no one to watch her kids. And I imagine she wanted her kids included at their uncle’s (and new aunt’s!) wedding. I think that’s reasonable.

And it really isn’t a big deal to let a little girl walk down the asile before you. Let them have this.

As for having the two kids at the reception, I see this as Future Sister-In-Law and FMIL’s issue to manage, and I’m sure they’re well aware. Keeping their kids from going bananas and hurting themselves on fire pits and sharp objects is something Future Sister-In-Law and her husband have already been dealing with for two years.

I think allowing her to be your flower girl and attend the wedding will actually have a much smaller impact on your wedding than you think it will, but banning your new niece from attending will have a greater impact on your relationship with your in-laws.

Post # 55
5951 posts
Bee Keeper

I would be rather put out that I wasn’t consulted at all, but I think the fact that the little ones are being picked up right after the ceremony and not attending an adults-only reception that is not suitable for young children would somewhat mitigate this. I’m in the ‘pick your battles’ camp on this one, and I’d let the niece be a flower girl.

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