- 5 years ago
okay bees… i’m a regular poster but for reasons you’ll see, i’m going anon for this. i don’t want any of this getting back to me, and i also don’t want to be “known” for this either. also i apologize for the novel i wrote. i tried breaking it up into paragraphs.
i really need support and advice. and honestly a shoulder to cry on would be great too.
issue #1: is this going to last?
like many bees here, i have depression and i take medication for it. whenever i experiment with my medication, to try to lower the dose, my mood dips badly. every time i do this, i get second thoughts about marrying my fiance. we don’t have the best living circumstances and sometimes i think about running away with someone different. no one in particular, but just someone “better”… like, has their life together, has a real career, stable, culturally aware, democrat maybe (lol). i don’t know if that’s just the depression talking or if it’s a real thing. whenever i’m taking my medication on a higher dose, i’m totally fine and don’t care we don’t have a nice house or even a nice apartment, or that we are constantly broke, or that we most likely will never have nice things ever… i’m just happy to have him, when i’m medicated enough (not that i’m like, doped up 24/7, it’s a low dose i’m normally on lol).
i should also say that we do have a really great relationship, we love each other to the moon and back, are completely supportive of each other, wonderful communication skills. just sometimes i get sick of his republican tendencies and how closed off he is to other cultures beyond ‘MERICA, and how hard of a life we have together.
what are your thoughts on this?
issue #2: family members i don’t want to invite
so say we go through with the wedding and the wedding day is getting closer and it’s time to send out invitations. i don’t want to invite certain people in my family. in fact, i’d rather not invite most of them. i’ll tell you why and this is why i went anon. my aunt smells, BAD. as in, hygiene is NOT her strong suit. at all. my uncle is constantly depressed and prefers to sleep at events. like, legit, lean back in his chair, fold his hands over his stomach, and konk out. and their daughter is a snooty know it all who smells 100x worse than my aunt. i’ve had parties before with them there, and my friends there, and my friends have approached me begging me to sit my cousin somewhere far away from them because her smell was making them gag.
last but certainly not least in this messed up family of mine is my grandfather. i absolutely do not want him there because he sexually molested me from the time i was 5 until about 8 or 9. i’ve been in therapy for this for years and when i ask my therapist what i should do, she tells me either i have to just suck it up and invite him, or tell my grandma what happened (she doesn’t know) and let her decide what to do, or just hope he croaks by the time the wedding rolls around.
i feel totally helpless on this. all of this. i really need help from some insightful, supportive bees.