- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2018
Thank you all for your help. I suppose I am being naive….it just seems such a task to wrap my head around the idea that my husband could possibly do this to me. I guess you think “oh that would never happen to me!” until it does.
However, there is no physical affair happening or is going to happen-period. I know my husband. He wouldn’t do that…I am providing everything for him he needs.
You clearly aren’t providing everything he needs, because he’s already having an emotional affair with this woman.
I have zero problem with male-female friendships, but he literally took her on a date?? He said that you weren’t welcome at their private dinner and then paid for her meal! He has private conversations with her and makes sure that you can’t hear.
If you’re feeling generous, you can tell him to make a decision right now: her or you. He either ends all out-of-work contact with her, or you’re gone.
But frankly, if my husband ever told me that I had “nothing to add to the conversation” before heading out on a date with another woman, I’d be gone already.
They don’t take them out on dates and refuse to let their spouses come, they don’t shut themselves up in a locked room so they can talk to them privately outside of work, and they don’t snap at their spouses and ask what they want and make it clear they feel intruded upon.
Your husband has already displayed an appalling lack of respect for you and your marriage. I would never do this to my husband and would never be okay with him doing it to me.
I’m usually in the opposite camp than most of the PP here: I don’t think there is hard evidence that your husband is cheating or in an affair or any of that. Who knows. HOWEVER, the bottom line is that you must have a conversation and you must FIND OUT. You have to ask the hard questions and you have to tell him that what he’s doing is not appropriate and is hurtful. If he gets defensive about that or rude…then you have a bit more evidence to go off of. If he realizes that he was just being SUPER stupid (guys sometimes just don’t see that stuff) and is terribly apologetic and cuts off all the extracurricular stuff with Liz, then you can start healing. But you don’t know unless you cut to the quick.
The one time you asked to join he said you would have nothing to add? Aside from the fact that’s a shady reply.. are you seriously okay being married to someone to doesnt think you have anything to bring to the table in a conversation?
Also..no they dont talk about work.. thats for work time and can be done during lunch or staying later at the office.. not going on literally a date.
ETA: Please read the post called “Jen the Work Wife”.. and please dont allow yourself to become this wife whose husband is straight up dating another woman and she refuses to admit it
I know how hard it is to be objective when it’s happening to you, but I am sorry – if this is not an affair I do not know what is. ALL of the signs are there. All of them. In big red letters. He is telling you as clearly as he can without saying the words.
This is being spelt out to you clear as day and if he is not having an affair I shall eat my hat.
I am sorry – and I wish you all the luck with this…. xx
Make him make a choice: either continue being married to you and drop her completely, or go be with her and you are done. Then, you’ll have your answer by who he chooses to be with, you or Liz.
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