(Closed) Anon Bee-What am I doing wrong?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 76
Member
2837 posts
Sugar bee

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worriedanonbee :  I don’t want to be harsh, but yes, people do think of others during sex, married or not. Your husband is not a paragon of virtue here. Don’t be so naive as to think that this is all in your head. Your sex life getting better after he started spending time with another woman is a huge flag. 

I’m not going to tell you he’s physically cheating, because though the signs point to that, there’s no confirmation. I’m also not going to advise you to leave him; you’re married and you’re obviously devoted to him. 

However, your husband ia engaging in an emotional affair, it does appear that he’s started to fantasize sexually about this other woman, and if you don’t set boundaries now, he will be cheating physically at some point. 

Post # 77
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

All of this happened in 25 minutes?

Post # 78
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

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worriedanonbee :  divorce his ass and never look back. Please get tested for your own health. Also, change the locks and make him stay at a hotel. You did nothing wrong. He did everything wrong. You shouldn’t have to be anymore inconvenienced. He can move in with his mistress. 

Post # 79
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

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bewitched :  Agree. Tell him to pack his shit and live out of his suitcase like the scum he is.

Post # 80
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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eazybreezy :  Yeah… shit unraveled real quick…

Post # 81
Member
6939 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Why the fuck should YOU go to a hotel?!?!? Tell him to pack his shit and GET OUT!! 

Your husband is a dick. She “brings more to the table” than you do? What an awful thing to say to your wife! 

Post # 82
Member
258 posts
Helper bee

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worriedanonbee :  I read your updates and before you make any rash decisions you need to allow him to pay for the hotel room (unless you want HIM to leave then he should). to have space to calm down. Then you need to decide whether you want to save your marriage. I wouldnt allow him to “explore” his feelings before counseling. Either he wants to work on the marriage or not! If you’re up to marriage counseling then the sooner the better. No matter how this comes out, it’s going to be an extremely difficult time in your life. Best wishes.

Post # 83
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

Nope, he does not get to “process his feelings” he either gets rid of her or you, this isn’t something he gets to do, he is absolutely not allowed to go have sex with this woman until he’s bored and then come back to you. Nope 

Post # 84
Member
6939 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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whoswho :  Yeah…I’m guessing “process my feelings” means having sex with her in your house while you’re off sleeping in a hotel. Hard pass and that bullshit. 

Post # 85
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

To be fair, if I saw this on my husband’s phone, i wouldn’t  have even waited for him to get out of the shower. Would have burst in there, phone in hand, demanding to know exactly what was going on. 

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eazybreezy :  

Post # 86
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Tell that asshole that NO, he can gtfu. You aren’t the one who cheated. 

Post # 87
Member
5250 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Well that escalated. 

I love how you have time to go though his phone, confront him and keep up to date with a 6 page thread all in like 30 minutes. 

Post # 88
Member
1640 posts
Bumble bee

Please do not take him up on his offer to stay at a hotel. He needs to leave, not you. It’s obvious he’s going to bring her over to have sex in your home while he “processes his feelings”.

Post # 89
Member
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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worriedanonbee :  He can move out, not you. I’ll say it again, he can move out–not you. He’s the one who has betrayed his marriage. Don’t let him punish you. Don’t put yourself in the position of pulling up to your own house to see Liz’s car there. 

He wants to explore his feelings for Liz before he’ll go to marriage counseling? Seriously?

If you even want to try to recover from this (I’m not sure I would)–He cuts all contact with her and goes to marriage counseling with you, right away, or he gets to meet your divorce attorney. Why would you want to be with someone who wanted to explore a different relationship before deciding if he’d even try to fix the issues in yours? 

Make sure you know the balances in all of your shared banking and investment accounts and change the passwords on all of your personal accounts. Hugs, Bee.

Post # 90
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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zzar45 :  It does seem a bit convenient. Especially the updating part. But I’ll answer all the same.

The topic ‘Anon Bee-What am I doing wrong?’ is closed to new replies.

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