Post # 47
Thank you for the reply. I feel the same way. My head feels clearer (probably from the benzos I was given), and I’m evaluating the situation as objectively as possible. I’ve been trying to imagine how I would react to this thread if another Bee had posted it, and I was on my regular account. I think in my heart that I’m making the right decision with him not allowed to be present for the delivery. As much as I feel like his family deserves to suffer and not see the body, I’m not malicious enough to prevent someone else from grieving properly.
I really just need this to be done and over with, at this point. I feel like I am in limbo- I can’t grieve yet, because I’m still pregnant. I look pregnant, and my home is filled with baby items. It’s stressful to be in a period of waiting. I know the worse has yet to come. On the one hand, it will be closure and an end that enables me to be able to grieve and come to terms with the miscarriage. On the other, I have to give birth to my dead baby with no support from my family (in another continent), and no close friends. My close friend will be here for 2 more days, but it’s hard because I know her stay will come to an end soon. My work kindly offered me 3 weeks to recover and grieve, and more if I require it. I can’t handle the thought of being alone in my apartment for 3 weeks, without the physical presence of someone else to be there to emotionally support me if I need it. After everything that has happened, I can’t even seek support from John’s family, who at one point was so kind and welcoming to me. I just feel really alone.
I’m sorry for rambling, I’m overwhelmed and emotional.
Post # 48
@stressed_anon: I am so incredibly sorry for what you are going through. You are absolutely right, it will be a tough and traumatizing experience and I wish you all the strength in the world. umm, you need to contact the police. The messages from his sister are threatening in nature, and they are threatening to come to the hospital and saying completely inappropriate and awful things towards you. You used the word ‘bullying’ yourself. People CANNOT just show up at the hospital and barge in. You are entitled to confidentiality and privacy. I would make this VERY clear when you register tomorrow at the hospital that in no uncertain terms is anyone to know that you are even a patient at that hospital, and that you want NO VISITORS. Make it clear, if people are trying to represent themselves as inlaws or relatives, that you don’t consider them as such, and they should not be allowed to see you. Does ‘John’ want to be there for you or to see/hold his child? If you want to allow him that (which you totally don’t have to, but if you were to extend that), you don’t need to be present, and if he’s not there to offer you support (which it sounds like you don’t want anyway), he can do that without harrassing you, and if you are to emotional to handle all that, then don’t. You have every right to choose how to handle the situation in your own way.
Post # 49
I just wanted to send you some virtual support. My heart goes out to you.
He and his family sound like awful people. As PPs have said You are in your right not to want them there and to use whatever means necessary to keep them away, even if you take a taxi and a security guard has to meet you and escort you in to the hospital.
Someone else can contact him to tell him that you are not trying to keep him from seeing the baby but that he will be able to say goodbye after. if you give him access to the baby after no one can fault you. But you do not have to have him in the room with you.
For donating the ideas others have are good. Women’s halfway houses are also an option. They often have women who have committed smaller crimes like shoplifting because they need to feed their families. It doesn’t make it right but often they are uneducated and the HW house helps them stay on the straight and narrow and care for their families in a positive way.
Good luck to you. I know you were saying work has given you time off and you are not feeling good about being by yourself for so long so Maybe you should go away? It might help. If that is not an option financially and you feel up to it, try getting out of the house doing some volunteering or working part-time. But only if you feel you can handle it.