(Closed) Anonymous Poll! Do YOU watch porn?

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Do you watch porn?

    Yes, but only a couple times a year.

    Yes, a few times a year.

    Yes, every month or so.

    Yes, every couple weeks.

    Yes, every week.

    Yes, several times a week.

    Yes, but only with SO.

    Yes, but usually only with SO.

    I read erotica but do not watch porn.

  • Post # 17
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    View original reply
    @joya_aspera:  Thank you for the link, it was a great talk and he was a very entertaining speaker.

    His concept of Internet porn offering the most novelty per unit of time is interesting, because it implies that not all porn is an issue but more the habits surrounding it, which I feel is a very fair attitude. However, I found too many times in the talk where specific references to Internet porn  could’ve been replaced by alcohol, video games, or gambling. Anything which triggers dopamine could be used to excess by some individuals and cause addiction.

    I don’t want to downplay the issues addiction causes to spouses and families, but I find it disingenuous to focus on Internet porn over other behaviours. The interesting part of the talk for me was the reference that so many males are enjoying Internet porn that you could not find a control group. Similar to the arguments that video gcause have a direct link to violent behaviour, if all males who enjoy porn suffer direct consequences, I believe we’d see many more issues than we actually do in practice.

    Similar to alcohol and video games, whether someone partakes is up to their personal preference and the wishes of their spouse. Everyone’s values are different, and you have the right to live your life as you see fit and have the freedom to speak about what’s important with your partner. My only concern is referencing studies that have dubious causality assumptions and speaking about porn addiction as a particular insidious form of addiction which somehow alters male minds, versus stating that all addictions could be harmful to human minds of either gender.

    Post # 18
    Member
    4369 posts
    Honey bee

    Neither DH nor I watch porn. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    6354 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    @nekderk:  Well, I agree with you in some respects, much of it applied to other addictive behaviors as well. I wouldn’t put up with gambling addictiom or alcoholism either (or expect my Fiance to put up with it in me), but this topic was about porn. Some people think it doesn’t have similar risk with increasing use. However, another factor for me about porn is that even at minimal use, other studies have found minor increases in dissatisfaction with real life sex and real life in general, but in males only. Now, that could be because the porn they used was meant for male consumption (as most is)…and/or because of evolutionary differences between male and female human sex behaviors, but it doesn’t matter to me why, because there’s no double-standard in this house… I don’t look at it either.

    As to having difficulty finding a traditonal control group, it’s not necessarily that men are all enjoying it so much. Neither my Fiance or I would qualify as traditional controls because we both checked it out -in detail too- when we were younger. There is a big difference between “ever being exposed” and “currently enjoying it”. In fact, as the speaker alluded to in the talk, those who use it the most enjoy it the least. I had aquaintances like this. They became quite open and aware that their heavy use was increasing their depression. Like many things that can be addictive, the initial slide from very light consumption to moderate consumption is often done with very low awareness that there is starting to be a problem…but after a certain point, most addicts know they’re addicts, and they’re not happy about it.

    Speaking of addictive substances, FI and I drink a glass or two of wine a few nights a week. Could porn be treated that way? I’m sure it could, with similarly minimal consequences. If my Fiance wanted to view porn in a similar way, we probably could have worked that out, though the feminist in me would still be uncomfortable unless I were looking at a similar amount of nude male photos, but we probably could have worked out that arrangement too. But he didn’t want to… he didn’t see a reason to delve into it at all. He’s not “banned” from porn… we both voluntarily abstain. When porn is accidently thrown into our visual field, which has happened, neither of us gets upset. If one of us ever wants to intentionally bring porn into our lives at some point in the future (“hey, how about we get an XXX video for tonight, just for a change?”) we both know that’s on the table. I’m not sure we’d ever be interested though.

    I feel the same about gambling. I know it can be done in moderation without any negative consequences, but I don’t really enjoy it much, so why even delve into something that has the potential to be addictive? Sometimes life is just so much easier when you don’t have to think twice about how far along you are on what could become a slippery slope. Another example, if we had any family history or personal experiencing having trouble saying no to alcohol, I don’t think we’d drink wine either. It’s only because we sometimes go months without remembering to pick up a bottle of wine or other alcohol that when do buy it, we never have to have the niggling bit of doubt in our minds that either of us are starting to stumble in a direction with alcohol that we don’t want to go.

    I’m not going to tell another couple that their light use of porn is wrong…just as I don’t want to be told our light drinking of wine wrong… but similarly, I’d like our choice to abstain from porn to be respected too, and the fact that porn…like wine…can become problematic, to be something that’s not taboo to talk about.

    Post # 20
    Bee
    979 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

    Loves me some porn during my solo time. Don’t watch it together, don’t resent him watching it if I’m otherwise occupied or not home.

    Post # 21
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    View original reply
    @joya_aspera:  Your response is extremely thoughtful and well written, and I appreciate that very much. I am biased because of my industry, and I’d be the first to admit there are some potentially troubling areas that are not addressed enough. But I also believe that we should be treated with equal skeptism, and I’ve had to deal with too many alcoholics telling me that porn is ripping away at the moral fabric or have porn attacked by those who feel indifferent on the advertising and availability of cigarettes or other commonly abused substances such as alcohol to not attempt to clarify and address it. Your responses have been very reasonable and clear, and I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable with my comments.

    Post # 22
    Member
    180 posts
    Blushing bee

    Yeah. I read erotica, watch porn, used to work as porn reviewer (seriously, these jobs exist) and (occasionally) write a few erotic scenes into my novels. I’ve watched it with my SO’s in the past, though not much (it’s hard to find a movie we’ll both enjoy) and not with my current SO. Mostly because porn is either best enjoyed alone, viewed with a cynical eye and a sense of humor for work, or just plain laughed at with a few good friends (classic porn is hilarious).

    There are so many different types of porn, for so many different purposes and tastes, that alone is fascinating; there’s even porn that has absolutely no nudity in it! Different countries have different ‘specialities” and the various laws around the giant blanket term ‘porn’ are vast and revealing as well.

    Oh and let’s not forget the people in the industry, some of them have almost terrifying business savvy, others are… well I’d say dumb as a post but that would be insulting to posts.

    Then there’s the correlation between porn and the developement of various technologies…

    Hmm, rambling a bit but that should answer the question pretty thoroughly 😉

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