Anonymously Venting About My Dissatisfaction in my Marriage

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
7850 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

glimmeringpink96 :  Is he irresponsible and lazy? I guess that’s what the OP says, so you could take her word for it. But I would actually argue the OP sounds rather irresponsible and lazy. Staying with a man she doesn’t love for eight years is irresponsible and lazy. Getting drunk and making out with her husband’s friend is irresponsible. Blaming all the choices she made that led her to this unhappy point in her life on outside forces, rather than taking ownership, is irresponsible and it’s also super lazy. 

But even if you’re right and the husband is the laziest, most irresponsible mofo out there, he still doesn’t deserve to be cheated on, and certainly not with his own friend! 

ETA: That being said I disagree with pp that she’s a “horrible person.” I just think she has gotten into a bad cycle of making poor choices and not taking responsibility for them. Therapy will definitely help with that.

Post # 32
1080 posts
Bumble bee

elderbee :  

I’m curious if you have ever been in therapy, and what you think therapy is for?

I’ve been in therapy several times and believe 99% of the world can benefit from therapy. It’s useful to help you explore your feelings, understand why you behaved in certain ways in the past, identify patterns in your behavior so you can focus on changing them, help you learn strategies to advocate for yourself and treat yourself with love and compassion.

Therapy can help the OP get to the bottom of several things, including:

Her trauma from the abusive ex in her past

Why she took her husband back after a breakup he initiated when they were dating

Why she allows herself to be controlled by his emotional manipulation when she has talked about ending the relationship

Why she married a man she does not love

Why she married a man who drinks and uses drugs too much, has poor hygiene, and is lazy, from her own description she is not attracted to her husband and sounds like she has contempt for him

Why she married a man after listening to enough pressure from the people in her life, instead of marrying a man she wanted to marry

Dealing with her feelings of being depressed and completely rotten

Help her figure out why she cheated, is she likely to do it again, why is she so unsatisfied, does she want to stay in an unfulfilling relationship, et cet

Helping her explore her wish to divorce, and if so, help her find the resources to make it a reality

Help her avoid repeating the old mistakes as she untangles her life from her husbands, ie: don’t rush into another bad relationship because she fears being alone


Therapy is a great tool for people!

Post # 33
67 posts
Worker bee

I spent almost 10 years in an unhappy marriage. I cannot emphasize enough how much better my life is in every way now that I ended that relationship. I stayed in it for a long time for our daughter, but eventually I realized I was teaching her it’s more important to stay unhappy and together than to really be in love. I had to put my goals and dreams on hold because of him too. I wasn’t setting an example for my daughter that I wanted her to see. So I got out. And I am SO much happier. It was hard, it was embarrassing, it was stressful. But it was worth it. I knew the night before my wedding that we weren’t right for each other and still went through with it. Don’t be like me- don’t stay in a marriage for nearly a decade because you are afraid to leave. 

Post # 34
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I say, divorce, as being in a sham marriage you don’t want and aren’t going to treat seriously, is not fair to him, or you. 

Now take responsibility for yourself. Stop seeing men as the solution to a life problem. Having them as stepping stones, having an interaction with one man, causing you to change how you feel about another, is not healthy. Men aren’t the gauge of your life. They are just people with their own issues. Your husband is far from great husband material, but you married him.

That other guy doesn’t sound so swift, kissing a woman he knows is married. Not good that you wish you had cheated on your husband with him. Get yourself straightened out somehow before inflicting it on someone else.

Post # 35
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: City, State

just popping in to say…you’re not alone. i’m 25 and have been married a little over a year and have the same thoughts you do. now we’re married and i know i made a mistake. i want to start individual and couple’s therapy, but i know the only way i can be happy is if he’s different….and everyone always says you can’t change anyone! he doesn’t have excitement for life, drive, or ambition. i want to live life to the fullest and advance myself in every way possible – financially, growing as a person, etc. you are not alone. 

Post # 36
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

forestfaerie :  So, why do you need your husband’s permission  (or help) to be the person you want to be? Just go and do it. You are responsible for your own actions and life choices.

Post # 37
395 posts
Helper bee

I know of a few people regretting not getting a divorce earlier in their marriage but do not know of anyone who regretted getting a divorce “too early”. 

It’s clear that you do not want to stay in this relationship with your husband – release yourself from this relationship and move on. It’s so much easier now that you don’t have children. 

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